


Aching Heart

by Rainbow_Trout



Category: Chicago Fire
Genre: Established Relationship, Hospitalization, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Major Character Injury, life threatening injuries
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-13
Updated: 2021-01-25
Packaged: 2021-03-02 19:48:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 20
Words: 47,872
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24162337
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rainbow_Trout/pseuds/Rainbow_Trout
Summary: Casey had never been able to imagine true love, not the true, unconditional love that Severide gave him.But he knew that Severide would always be there.Especially when he needs it the most.
Relationships: Matthew Casey/Kelly Severide
Comments: 245
Kudos: 268





	1. Love

**Author's Note:**

  * For [FrankieFandom](https://archiveofourown.org/users/FrankieFandom/gifts).



> For FrankieFandom because she's the absolute best :) 
> 
> Enjoy as always xx

“Oi, Severide. Where’s Casey?”

Kelly glanced over to where Kidd was checking truck’s compartments, but she seemed to be much more concerned about Kelly’s answer than the location of the equipment in the rig. They all knew that Matt was extremely finicky about how everything was kept, liking it all to be streamlined so it was easily accessible and precious seconds weren’t wasted digging around. And while Casey’s company could see the merit in his perfection, the other shifts had yet to pay it any mind. So, the start of each shift was generally spent rearranging it back into order. At first, Matt had done this alone, but Kidd had then picked up the habit so her captain didn’t have to worry about it.

Because that was just how fifty-one looked after each other, did the little things that made a big difference, the things that made them feel at home and part of a family.

And she looked genuinely concerned, unable to think of a reason that Matt and Kelly hadn’t come in together. They’d been together for over three years, after all, and the whole firehouse knew. Even though their relationship had been a secret at first – and they certainly still remained discreet, neither having been in the habit to bring home to the firehouse – they were going strong as far as everyone knew, and rarely came into shift without each other.

So, Kelly did his best to give her a reassuring grin as he told her that Casey had to pick something up for a construction gig and had raced out that morning. But he was coming, he might just be a little late.

The smile remained on his face as he continued through the firehouse, banging into the locker room as he dumped his stuff. There, he was asked the same question by squad, and he couldn’t help but blush as he answered. Squad started jeering, offering much filthier alternatives than the truth.

Severide couldn’t help but be flattered by their care. When he and Matt had started dating, Casey had been terrified of what everyone would think. And it had been hard for Severide to get past, at first, his own insecurity telling him that Casey was anxious because he didn’t trust him.

And so, he’d pointed out that Shay had been gay, and everyone loved her. Ritter had recently come out, and Foster had never hidden being bi. But every time Severide mentioned coming out – something that he had never been overly worried about, because even though he knew how crass his father could be, he also knew that Benny was open-minded enough that it wouldn’t bother him – Casey would freeze up, would pale and would go extremely silent.

Thinking that it would help his boyfriend, Severide had stood in the common room and declared that he liked men. And while much of the house had made jokes about Severide humping anything that moved, everyone had accepted it… but Casey had just remained in the corner, shaking his head with true horror in his eyes when Severide had looked over to him. Kelly had relented, but only because he could see that Matt’s fear was very much real.

And that night, Matt had a nightmare that was so severe, so horrifying, that Kelly had started to understand that there was more too it. He ended up staying with the blonde the entire night, sitting with him on the couch when Casey had refused to go back to bed, crying and shaking as he’d worked through his memories. Severide had then spent the next day researching abuse-induced PTSD, reading pages and pages of information as he tried to work out how to best support his boy. And in that moment, he’d decided to drop the subject until Casey was ready.

Which was why he was so surprised when Casey had come out at Molly’s.

They hadn’t even been drunk and were sitting at the bar like they would any other night. Casey had been decidedly off, but he’d shook his head subtly when Severide had raised his eyebrow. Kelly accepted it, doing his best to not act overly concerned.

Matt had then got everyone’s attention, standing on shaky legs – Kelly having to do everything to not reach out and steady him – where he stated – no, _blurted_ – that he and _Kel_ were dating.

He’d been met with silence – and dammit he looked as though he was about to pass out – as everyone processed his words. He then got the loudest cheer that Severide had ever heard, and everyone had taken turns in hugging him after Kelly had held him close. Casey had then started sobbing, relieved beyond all else that no one had rejected him.

Severide had then started crying for a different reason – because he knew how much it had meant for Casey to say something.

Matt had then clung to him for the rest of the night, before they’d ended up in bed together. It didn’t surprise him that Casey wanted to talk before they had sex, and the blonde had whispered apologies, admitting that Severide had been right and that he should’ve sucked it up earlier.

But Severide had just smirked, telling him that he’d done nothing wrong and he understood why he’d been so anxious. He’d told him he loved him, and that it was never going to change… he’d be there for Casey no matter what.

At that point, Casey had finally relaxed and suggested he sucked something else.

And somehow, Boden had managed to get it all past headquarters, so aside from the occasional homophobic arsehole – who existed inside the CFD as well as out – the ramifications of their relationship had only been positive. And Casey was easing into it more and more every day, feeling better and slowly building evidence to discredit his father’s words.

And they seldom spent a moment apart from each other, going into shift together, going home together… sure, they still had their own lives, as was healthy with any couple, but they couldn’t help but want to spend every moment together, doing anything they could to indulge each other and make the other happy. From the bigger things, like when Severide had blown off the annual Squad night and had booked one of the fanciest restaurants in Chicago, giving Casey an hour to get dressed but not telling him where they were going. Or when the car expo had ended up on the same night as the concert Casey had been eager to go to, and Casey had surprised him with the tickets to the expo only an hour before. Or when Severide had driven Casey to the pound and allowed him to pick out a kitten rather than the dog they’d agreed on, because he knew that Matt had only agreed on the dog to make him happy in the first place… 

To the smaller, daily things. Kelly making breakfast while Matt was on his run, Casey taking the first shower so it was warmed up for Kelly, Severide buying Lucky Charms because Matt secretly liked them, Casey climbing into Severide’s car, even though his pick-up was far more fuel efficient… 

But that morning, Casey had ended up with a last-minute construction gig that he’d been unable to refuse, and he’d had to pick something up before shift. Severide had offered to go with him, of course, but Casey had been adamant about going alone. It was likely that he’d end up late to shift, and Severide knew that was something that really stressed him out. So, he’d agreed on heading in by himself to give Casey peace of mind. At least one officer would be on time. He also promised to clear it with Boden, even though he was confident that Casey would have already done so through text.

Little did Kelly know; Casey had already gone a step above texting Boden. Because it wasn’t a last-minute construction gig. The previous shift, he’d timidly arrived at the Chief’s office, mumbling his way through an apology as he explained that he wouldn’t usually do this, but he had to pick up a gift for Severide, and it might make him late.

Boden had raised an eyebrow, not judging his captain, but knowing that it must be an extremely important present for Casey to ask if he could be late.

Casey had taken Boden’s raised eyebrow as rejection and had shyly yet rapidly explained what it was, stumbling over his words. As soon as Boden had heard it, he’d brought Casey into a massive hug, unable to contain his excitement, telling Casey that he could be as late as he wanted, and to put no pressure on himself at all.

Casey had started babbling, insisting that he would do his best to be on time, but Boden had reassured him that he was more than capable of covering for him on truck eighty-one if there was a call. Then he’d told Casey that he was supportive and hugged the truck captain again. Casey had melted into it, doing his best not to cry in relief, every bit feeling as though a father had accepted him.

Boden had to wipe tears from his own eyes. He’d always felt very paternal to the truck captain, and knew he was the closest thing Casey had ever had to a father anyway. And right now, he was just happy to see Casey calm and confident in his choices, happy to see him in a stable home life and in a loving relationship. Because Casey had never had any of that early on in his life.

Then Casey had tried to act as normal as possible over the two days they’d had off. They’d gone up the Willis Tower and had both been in awe of the sights. They’d spent time pointing to places they’d been on calls, and Severide hadn’t been able to resist bringing his boy into a hug. Because unlike the first time he’d gone up the Willis Tower with Casey, where Casey had stared hollowly at the place he’d been injured, at Hallie’s clinic, the place Darden had died, his boy was only pointing out the _successful_ rescues they’d had. It was such a minor difference, but it told him so much about his boyfriend’s state of mind. Casey was happy. He was so much happier than he had ever been. And Severide knew it was the exact same for himself.

And Casey had been in the same good mood as he’d left for shift that morning, waving at Severide as he’d pulled out. The roads were icy, but Severide knew that Casey was a safe driver, so he wasn’t too worried as he reassured everyone that the blonde would be here soon.

Or, at least, he was no more worried than usual when he didn’t have eyes on Casey.

Kelly rolled his eyes as Capp made yet another dirty suggestion – one that might have someone else blushing, but only had Severide’s eyes glinting in joy – before he slapped him on the shoulder, making his way to the common room for a cup of coffee before the bells rung. There, he was once _again_ asked where Casey was, which only made him smile. Herrmann had given a good-natured stab about Captains being the last to shift, and Mouch had grinned and muttered something about Casey being a hard worker.

He had to resist the urge to giggle at that, because it told him how much the firehouse respected their relationship, and also how much they cared about Matt.

_Casey was his boy. And Casey was loved._

He was midway through bantering back and forth with Herrmann – thankful for the distraction, because he _was_ starting to get concerned – when the klaxon rung, and Kelly couldn’t stop himself watching as Boden suited up to take Casey’s place. It hadn’t occurred to him that Casey would be so late that he’d miss a call, and he couldn’t help it as his stomach turned into a gnawing pit of concern.

But he was professional as the rig pulled out, Cruz quickly driving to the site of the scene. A car accident at an intersection. Not uncommon, but often quite difficult to clear. It wasn’t until they could see the carnage of the accident that the gnawing pit of concern turned into full out nausea. Truck eighty-one had already parked, its men rushing around with more panic than usual, Boden with a serious expression as he shouted orders when Severide saw it.

And could barely will himself to draw another breath.

Pinned between two cars, resting at a slight angle, was Casey’s pick-up.


	2. Wreck

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Awww thank you for all the comments and Kudos! I hope you enjoy this chapter :)

Severide’s adrenaline kicked in before he could even process any of his men’s words, before he could process himself getting out of the rig. He barely heard Boden yelling at him to stand down, because he was already on autopilot.

He knew what he needed to do to fix this.

He knew what he needed to do to help Casey.

Surveying the scene with an expert eye, he yelled for his men to bring cribbing and a Sawzall. It was clear from the carnage what had happened, but Severide still needed a moment to believe it. It was a four-way intersection, two main roads crossing each other. Not an uncommon place for an accident, though safe if everyone followed the road rules.

But people don’t always follow road rules.

Matt’s pick-up had been stopped roughly in the middle of the intersection. He’d been heading towards the firehouse, driving along the inner lane. There were cars behind him, and alongside him. So, it was clear that he wasn’t at fault.

_Obviously, he wasn’t at fault._

It was obvious who was.

A motorbike had then been heading along the intersecting road and had run the red light. Now, Severide knew that had the motor bike just hit Casey – had it sideswiped him – his boy would be fine. Shaken, probably, but fine.

_But that’s not what had happened._

The bike had been heading along the road to Casey’s left – which meant it had run into the cars zipping along the opposite way. Understandably – because Severide knew that most people in an emergency situation would have done the same thing – the yellow car heading the opposite way to Casey had swerved to avoid the motorbike – which had resulted in a head-on-head collision with Casey.

_And head-on-head collisions were the worst._

Severide felt almost lost as he saw that the driver’s sides on both Casey's truck and the yellow car were completely crumpled, the force that had pushed the two cars together obviously having been significant. It had also pushed Casey’s pick-up backwards and to the side, wedging it into another car and leaving it at an angle. Had it been anyone else, his mind would have already processed the very real possibility that neither driver had survived.

But this wasn’t anyone else, this was Casey.

_Casey had to be fine._

Severide swallowed down his nausea as he moved closer to the accident, a brief glance to the road telling him that there was no chemical danger. He wanted nothing more than to get eyes on Casey, but given the angle his pick-up had been forced into, as well as the additional damage to the car – _and_ his many years as a squad lieutenant – he knew that it wasn’t his first port of call. He had to assume that Casey was alive and go from there.

He was fully focused on his job as he directed squad to stabilise the pick-up, biting his tongue as though it would stop the tears from leaking down his face. It didn’t, but at least he wasn’t sobbing.

He wasn’t distracted by the sirens announcing the arrival of additional ambulances and CPD, nor the shouts as they continued to clear the scene. There was the groan of metal, the sounds of other victims being extracted. But Severide didn’t care about any of them. All he cared about was his boy, so he was largely unfazed about any of the other sounds…

Until he heard the most dreadful scream.

He glanced up, and immeaditely regretted it. In those precious seconds, he’d got eyes on the yellow car. A woman was sitting in the passenger seat, mouth opened in terror, eyes fixed on the crumpled form of the driver to her left.

And Brett, who was pressing her fingers into his jugular.

And shaking her head. 

_No, no, no, no…_

The other driver couldn’t be dead. If the other driver was dead… what did that mean for Casey?

The woman continued screaming, the sounds dissolving into anguished sobs. It was still likely to be a while before they could extract her, so she was forced to sit beside her dead husband.

Everything started to spin around him, the nausea returning ten-fold. He couldn’t imagine a world without Casey. It wasn’t possible… it wasn’t worth it.

“Lieutenant? Pick-up’s stabilised.”

Severide nodded weakly, appreciating that Cruz hadn’t mentioned Casey by name. He didn’t need to be distanced, the fear was very much there, he was well aware that his boy was hurt… but he thought that if he heard Matt’s name he might cry.

“Okay… climb up back… need to see in the rear window…”

Cruz nodded, ready to assist Severide in any way he could. They were all shaken with the realisation that it was Casey who was injured, the alternative being unthinkable. He knew exactly how Severide would be taking it, and as much as he wanted to offer to go up himself, so Severide didn’t have to see Casey in whatever state he was in, he knew that there was no way the squad lieutenant would accept it.

“Got it, Lieutenant.”

They moved around the back, Severide’s entire focus being taken as he looked through the back window and tried to get eyes on Casey. Cruz assisted in every sense of the word, hands supporting him as he swayed, Severide clearly being overwhelmed. As soon as Kelly was in the bed of the pick-up, he turned away, moving towards the back window and not spotting Cruz in the way that he should. But Cruz didn’t mind, instead hoisting himself up and scrambling to look through the back.

The sight frightened him, so he had no idea how on earth the squad lieutenant was taking it. Casey was slumped over the steering wheel, unmoving. It was clear that a large amount of the impact had gone to his chest and abdomen, and although the airbags had deployed, there was a significant amount of blood around the blonde’s form. His left arm was awkwardly jammed between the shattered door of his pick-up and the steering wheel, the sickening angle it was bent at announcing the severe break. But that wasn’t what was the most worrying.

Otis had been pounding on the side window, trying to get Casey’s attention. But the blonde hadn’t responded in any way, he hadn’t even shifted.

Casey wasn’t moving. At all.

He swallowed down another wave of emotion as Otis relayed the information to Brett, staring at Casey’s unmoving frame. It could have just been the angle, but it didn’t even look like he was breathing.

“Cruz, hurry up! Get this glass out of the way.”

Cruz nodded, hearing the fear in his lieutenant’s voice much more than the anger. Severide’s face was pale, and his eyes had a thin sheen of tears. He was doing everything he could to remain professional, and that was only because he knew that it might be the difference between Casey –

He shook his head, slipping his hand in the small gap Cruz had made with the window breaker. Given that Casey had no back seat in his car, the only way to access him was removing the back window and climbing through. But that meant it wasn’t possible to cover Casey with a blanket, so his exposed flesh would be at the mercy of any falling glass.

And sure, Casey was wearing a jacket, but there was still a good chance that they would cut Casey while removing the glass. So, they moved slowly but urgently as Severide braced the pane with his arm, and Cruz worked his way around the edges. In an ideal world, the entire section would come away as one and they’d be able to lift it out of its place.

By some miracle, every splinter that fell down narrowly missed Casey, aside from the few that hit his jacket. The relief didn’t last long, though, because Severide realised with horror that even if they’d protected Casey from further harm, a few tiny cuts made no difference.

Casey was still horribly injured.

No sooner had they disposed of the glass safely, Severide was calling into the pick-up, tears evident in his voice as he screamed for Casey to answer. But the blonde made no effort to move. He hadn’t managed to respond in any possible way. The blood marring his blonde mop was now obvious, and Severide could barely compose himself as his voice continued to betray his fear.

He felt Cruz’s arm on him, bring his attention back to the rescue. Not a lot of time had passed, but every second was critical, and these men were used to working at a rapid pace. Severide kicked himself as he surveyed the hole, heart sinking as he realised that he wouldn’t fit in.

Without missing a beat, he pulled his head out, glancing over to where Herrmann was coordinating engine to check the fluids leaking out from under the bike at fault. Even though Ritter was smaller, he wasn’t going to let the less-experienced candidate in if it could be detrimental to Casey.

“Herrmann!”

The veteran firefighter was quick to look up, nodding and making his way over to Severide as soon as he saw he needed assistance. Brett was at the ready too, and quickly, Severide and Cruz made way as they climbed onto the pick-up, assisting Brett when she looked out of her depth.

Casey needed a paramedic, but a paramedic was not trained as a firefighter, and needed to be aided. If something went wrong and the paramedic was harmed – well, then no one would be able to help the victim anyway. So, Herrmann would be in there to make sure she was safe, and to make sure that if there was any danger, he could get them both out. They made quick work of lowering first Herrmann and then Brett into the pick-up, with Foster at the ready should Brett need anything else. Brett was focused entirely on Casey, and Severide knew that he wouldn’t get any answers any time soon.

But if she was working on him, he was at least alive.

Severide shook the thought from his head, knowing that standing here and waiting wasn’t helping anyone, and wasn’t getting Casey out of the scene any faster. Even if he had a paramedic, Casey needed a hospital. So, Severide needed to get him to one.

He glanced up, jumping down from the pick-up and trying to work out where to move next. He was distracted with the sight of the motorbike rider being led away from his vehicle by CPD. Other than a small amount of blood by his head, there was no evidence of trauma.

But he still walked with a stagger.

The stagger of a drunk man.

Anger surged, and Kelly found himself shouting. This man had been _drunk,_ he had _hurt_ Casey, and he was walking away with nothing more than a few cuts. It enraged him. It made him want to hurt someone. He clenched his fists and started taking a few steps over to where CPD was putting the man in the car, half a mind to –

A hand came to his shoulder, “Lieutenant.”

He glanced back over, mind reeling as he struggled to calm his anger. He couldn’t even begin to process it. This man had hurt Casey, had caused the accident, had caused a death – and he was uninjured. He’d been riding the motorbike, how was he okay? How had he escaped with minor injuries… it made him sick. He was going to flatten him in court. He was going too –

The hand squeezed, comforting, “We need to help Casey…”

At the mention of his name, Severide’s anger dissipated. Or rather, it was blanketed by his concern. He looked back at Joe’s concerned face, before glancing behind him to the pick-up. It was properly stabilised now, and he watched as Foster passed up supplies for Kidd to then deliver to Brett.

_You’re not even doing anything._

He moved back over, aware that his own respirations were shallow. No one said anything as he climbed back up onto the cargo bed, barely even aware as Kidd grabbed his arm and pulled him up. Looking back down into the car, he could see that a c-collar had been secured around Casey’s neck, and he’d been propped up. An IV was snaking into one of his arms, and Brett was squeezing the ambu-bag over his mouth, controlling his breath.

But his eyes were still closed, and he was still deathly pale…

The sight of the supportive treatment snapped him back to reality, voice cracking as he demanded what was taking so long. He moved back to the side, watching Capp with eagle eyes as he started using the jaws to cut away the passenger side door, truck already ready with a backboard to take Casey.

His feet once again became rooted to the spot as he watched Herrmann instructing his men to extract Casey. He watched as his limp body was moved onto the backboard, bouncing listlessly against the yellow plastic. He watched as Casey’s good arm slipped down, swinging as though he was dead.

Casey was secured to the gurney; the mask once again being pressed into his face as Foster continued squeezing the ambu-bag. Brett gave him another shot of something, and he could vaguely hear her saying something about not going near his chest. He couldn’t even think about what injuries Casey might’ve sustained, though, too preoccupied with the thoughts banging around his head.

_Casey should be pushing them off… telling them he’s fine… telling them it’s just a bruise… it doesn’t even hurt… why isn’t he doing that?_

And Kelly was almost sick as Foster tore his shirt away to attach the ECG pads.

It didn’t matter that he wasn’t even close to Casey, because he didn’t need to be to see the damage. The bruising was beyond extensive, black and purple and red, and he could see from Foster’s reaction how bad it was. Sylvie was looking over the ECG, paling and shaking her head, “I’m struggling to keep him stable…”

Severide felt himself drop back, dizzy at the sight. He couldn’t do anything but watch as Casey was loaded into the ambulance, Otis heading to the front and taking over as both Brett and Foster jumped in the back. He felt sick. Casey needed two paramedics in the back. Casey wasn’t even stable. Casey was –

He was still rooted to the spot – world slightly tilting to the right, some strange fog setting over him – with his eyes still trained on the spot he had last seen Casey. The air became molasses, and he felt nauseous, almost unable to process that Herrmann and Cruz were now standing in front of him.

“Lieutenant. Lieutenant?”

He jumped slightly, only now noticing the poorly concealed worry on Cruz’s face. He blinked, watching in fascination as Herrmann’s lips moved in slow motion, but no actual sound came out.

He must have said something, because suddenly, Cruz and Herrmann’s expressions grew exponentially in concern. He frowned, blinking, “What?”

Cruz stepped in again, taking Kelly’s upper arm and squeezing it gently. He repeated himself, but Severide still couldn’t understand what was being said. Everything was ringing, and the world was still in a thin shade of white.

It tilted again, and he managed to avoid his wince as another hand strongly grabbed his shoulder. Looking down at it in mild amusement, he slowly processed that it was Boden’s hand.

Finally, the battalion chief’s gruff voice cut through his ears, “Kelly.”

Looking up at his battalion chief helped him ground himself a bit, even though there was nothing but softness in the older man’s features. He blinked again, now noticing that Cruz was still in front of him, a hand on his shoulder.

“Mmmm?”

Cruz moved in again, “Lieutenant? We can take the chief’s car. Get you to med.”

He blinked again, before nodding marginally. Herrmann watched on concern as Cruz started guiding Kelly to the battalion car, frowning as he stumbled every few steps. He didn’t stop watching him until Cruz had got him settled – having to do up his belt for him – and had got in himself, before driving off.

Herrmann’s eyes went back to Casey’s pick-up, feeling sick and worried himself as he saw the state it was in. He’d just seen his Captain – a man whom he’d respected for a very long time, seen as a son, a friend – being carted away. And to say it hadn’t affected him would be a lie.

He couldn’t stop himself from going towards the pick-up, seeing the blood splattered across the wheel and soaked into the seat.

Feeling sick, he dropped his gaze, landing in the footwell.

Where his vision caught something.

Sitting at the bottom of Casey’s pick-up, innocently, as though nothing had happened, was a small black box.


	3. Crashing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who is enjoying this fic so far!
> 
> Hope this chapter doesn't disappoint :)

Brett was unable to hide her concern as the ambulance raced towards Med. Since being loaded into their rig, Casey had deteriorated even further, and she didn’t want to admit that he was barely gripping to life. Foster was still controlling his breath with the ambu-bag, but his sats were still falling. His entire body was cold, and his fingers were already blue. His blood pressure was still dropping, and he was moments away from hypovolemic shock if he wasn’t in it already.

And while there was plenty of blood flowing from his body, Brett knew that it meant there was extensive internal bleeding. And, given that the majority of the impact had gone to his chest, it didn’t bode well for his survival.

And that hadn’t even allowed her to consider his arm, nor his head.

Casey’s breathing hitched, wheezing even through the rhythmic compressions of the ambu-bag. It was only seconds later that the monitor started beeping, indicating that Casey’s sats were now down to a dangerous level.

“Brett?”

Sylvie looked at her partner with wide eyes, stethoscope already in her ears. She leant over Casey, avoiding the deep contusions and being gentle as she pressed the bell into his chest. But his breath sounds were bilateral, and Casey was still heaving in oxygen.

And while the fact that Casey’s lung hadn’t collapsed should’ve been a relief, Brett knew what it meant. Quickly – and this time lacking the tenderness – she moved it to his chest, placing it carefully over the left side of his sternum.

Where his heart sounds were muffled.

Her eyes flittered to his jugular, paling when she noticed it was distended. Not by a lot, but enough to confirm her fears, “Foster, Beck’s triad.”

Emily didn’t need any further encouragement as her eyes widened, continuing to pump the ambu-bag as she turned, banging on the wall, “Otis! How far out are we?”

He quickly relayed that they were a minute out, and Med had a trauma team ready. A quick glance between the two paramedics was enough to convey their fear. Casey didn’t have a minute. Every second he was risking cardiac arrest, not to mention the insufficient oxygen getting to his brain.

“Step on it, Otis!”

Casey’s breathing worsened once again, and Foster shook her head. They didn’t have an option. They had to tube him.

Brett tore open the packaging, before handing the contents over to Foster and taking the ambu-bag. She gave her a moment to prepare, before nodding, “Ready?”

Foster nodded, and Brett pulled the mask away from his face. Foster made quick work of opening Casey’s mouth, starting to push the tube down the back of his throat.

There was no gag reflex. And while that allowed Foster to get the tube in quickly, it also spoke volumes as to how serious Casey’s condition was. But it was only moments before she was nodding, Brett quickly reattaching the ambu-bag and handing it back to Foster, who resumed compressions.

“You’re in.”

If Foster wanted to sigh in relief, she didn’t get the chance. Because the ambulance was stopping, and the doors were already being pulled open, trauma team ready to take Casey. Brett quickly relayed the new developments about his heart, and Rhodes nodded, already shouting instructions as he was pulled away.

* * *

Cruz couldn’t help the concerned glances he was throwing Severide’s way. Since getting into the vehicle, Severide hadn’t spoken a word. He was beyond pale, and his eyes stared forwards without seeing anything. Cruz had been impressed at Severide’s command – he wasn’t an officer himself, but he’d worked under the experienced Squad Lieutenant for long enough to know that there hadn’t been any error in his judgement, and that Severide had maintained himself despite the stakes. Cruz shook his head. It had been hard enough for _him_ to see Casey in such a vulnerable position, to see Casey so injured. Everyone at fifty-one was close without being in a relationship with each other, so he couldn’t imagine what it had been like for Severide.

“Lieutenant, Casey is going to be fine.”

Severide didn’t respond, and Cruz couldn’t really blame him. So, he kept driving, keeping the lights and sirens on even though he knew it was _technically_ the wrong thing to do. But he’d happily cop the reprimand if it meant it helped his Lieutenant. Because he knew that Severide would stick his neck out for any of his men any day of the week.

He pulled into the parking bay, taking a staff park near the entrance. Again, emergency vehicles got priority, and even though he knew it was the wrong thing to take the park, he wanted to see Severide through the worst. He could always move it once the rest of the house arrived.

Kelly didn’t react as he shut the engine off, still staring forwards, eyes seeing nothing. Carefully, and slowly, as to not spook him, Cruz reached out a hand, gently shaking Severide’s knee. Kelly glanced over, still unable to make sense of the world, but tears started pooling in his eyes as he searched Cruz’s face.

“C’mon, Lieutenant.”

Severide’s head turned slowly, finally realising that he was at Med. He was quick to move, after that, one hand shooting to undo his belt and the other the door. Almost immeaditely, Cruz was at the other side, wrapping an arm around his shoulders when he wavered.

He hauled him back upright, and together, they took a few steps towards the door. Kelly was suddenly doubled over, though, heaving violently as bile flooded from his mouth. Cruz continued to support him, lightly patting his back as he got the last of it up and not even flinching as it flecked his boots.

Kelly didn’t even seem to be aware when he was done, and Cruz tightened his arm around his back, guiding him firmly towards the ER.

* * *

The whole of firehouse fifty-one was crammed into the small waiting room, hoping for any news on Casey. A nurse had come by earlier to tell them that the blood had been drained from around Casey’s heart, but that the arrythmias were still present. His injuries were severe, but a team was working on him and they were hopeful that they could stabilise him.

 _Hopeful._ They were _hopeful._

Severide had zoned out after that, not paying attention as the nurse continued explaining that Casey was on his way up to have scans, and that further action would be taken from there. He already knew how serious Casey’s condition was, and he couldn’t bear to hear how close to death he was.

He’d secluded himself to a corner, Cruz seated by his side. Earlier, the others had come past and given him mumbled reassurances. But he hadn’t been in the mood for them. He wanted Casey to be okay, that’s all he cared about. And if he had to listen to one more person telling him that Casey was strong, that Casey was a fighter, he might just hit them. He didn’t need to be told that Casey was a fighter. He knew how strong he was. He saw it every single day the blonde woke up, ready to serve and save lives, despite the shitty hand that he’d been dealt early on.

He felt rather than heard Cruz talking to someone, before feeling him vacate the seat beside him. The part of him that had wanted everyone to leave was suddenly screaming at him, yelling out for contact.

But before he could give any indication of it, another weight had pressed into the space. He glanced up slightly, seeing that it was Herrmann looking over him with concern.

Now, when he’d come to fifty-one, Herrmann had already been there for years. He was young for a squad member, and the veteran firefighter had been quick to pick up on that, ribbing him lightly. Christopher had also recognised his last name, stating that he and Benny went way back. He’d told him that any son of Benny’s would be a brilliant firefighter. Severide had barely hid his annoyance.

Then he’d gone and impressed everyone on his first call, had even his lieutenant at the time admiring his capabilities. He’d been quietly proud, not wanting to say too much but basking in the glow of everyone’s amazement. He didn’t need Benny to get him anywhere.

Casey had had a harder time. He’d immeaditely been Herrmann’s lieutenant, and such a young face in command of a veteran firefighter? It hadn’t gone down well. And the blonde hadn’t had an opportunity to prove himself for a while, but once he had, Herrmann’s respect for him had grown.

He’d become something of a father to both of them, always willing to give advice in the sections that they – as less experienced young men with no parents – lacked. They were both grateful, and a very strong kinship had been formed. And, now that Herrmann was a lieutenant and not under either of their commands, he was more a friend than ever.

But right now, he was struggling to find the right words to say. He rarely bothered to think his words through, usually just opening his yap and hoping that the right ones would find their way out. But right now, he knew how much Severide needed carefully considered words.

Eventually deciding on telling Severide about exactly how Casey had earned their respect – because now he thought about it, it had only been truck on that call, Severide probably hadn’t seen – and he decided to start at the beginning.

“Hey, Severide? I don’t think I ever told you about the first call that I realised Casey knew what he was doing.”

Severide didn’t respond, but Herrmann could see he had got his attention, “It was when Casey was still new to fifty-one, fresh-shaven and barely old enough to be out of the academy. And there I was thinking, ‘Who is this candidate to be ordering me around?’. I actually thought – that headquarters had made some mistake and sent us the wrong Matt Casey, and that some middle-aged man was at another house, stuck cleaning showers.”

Severide still hadn’t responded, but Herrmann noticed something similar to recognition come to his features. He was replaying the past, remembering those times, “Anyway, so we get this call out to a house fire at two am. Casey’s sitting in the front, Mouch, Darden and I in the back. This was back when Vargas was driving.”

It briefly occurred to Herrmann that spouting Vargas and Darden’s names was a bad idea – they had, after all, both been close with Severide. But it was too late now, and Severide hadn’t reacted to their mention. But he was now listening, intently.

“We get there and there’s nothing to be seen. No smoke, no fire. Casey’s onto dispatch asking them where the fire is, making sure we even have the right address. Yup. We do. Just as he’s getting out, an older woman comes running out in her nickers, with just a shirt on, frantic, yelling out to us. Keep in mind that this is middle of a Chicago winter. Casey’s a bit confronted, but he’s all polite as he asks how he can help.”

Severide was smirking by now, imagining Casey seeing a half-naked woman running towards him and just trying to keep a straight face.

“And she admits there’s no fire. So, we all assumed – Casey too, I’m guessing – that it had something to do with sex – fire’s the easiest way to get attention in a situation like that, you don’t have to admit that you got something stuck in _something_ to anyone but the ones who can help you. But she waves us around the back of her house instead. She points to a dog kennel, and I’m thinking this woman has had a _wild night_.”

Herrmann could see that Severide was fighting tears, now. But happy ones. He gently reached out and rested a hand on Severide’s back, “And she points to it, saying she can’t get her dog out. And that she’s worried he’s too cold. She thought this was the only way to get help.”

“Casey just stares at her for a minute, too shocked to say anything. Honestly, we were all too shocked, too. There’s not really a response for that. But instead of getting mad and racing off – as he could have – he just gives this serious nod and asks where the dog treats are. She runs in to get them, and Casey just kind of nods to us, like – this is part of the job, as though this is as serious as a fire.”

“She brings him these meaty treats, and Casey leans down – SCBA still on his back, mask dangling by his side, helmet on – and he leans down, calling to the pooch and offering the treat. Then this tiny, _tiny_ little sausage dog pads out, sniffs the treat, and then takes it. Casey just pats this little thing, and then he picks it up. The dog starts licking his face. He goes back over to the woman and hands it over – and she takes it. She hugs this little dog, saying she’d been so worried and kisses Casey on the cheek.”

Severide was actually smiling at this stage, totally able to imagine Casey in the situation, Casey pulling out this tiny dog.

“And then we went back to the rig. Darden is ribbing Casey about something, and he’s just smiling. We get back in, and Mouch and I – we’re old school. We’re still slightly pissed that she wasted our time. We said something to that effect, and Casey just turned around. He was totally patient with us as he explained that she was scared, that for her, the reality of losing her dog was very real. Just because we hadn’t pulled a baby from a burning fire, we’d still helped someone that night. We’d still made a difference. Maybe – probably – that dog would have been fine, but she felt as though we had helped.”

Tears were now streaming down Severide’s face. And, if Herrmann were honest, his own as well. In fact, everyone listening was affected to some extent, all knowing Casey well enough to know he was just a stand-up guy.

“Neither of us – in all our years – had ever thought about that before. And it would have been so easy for Casey to have gained our respect through some huge apartment fire, through some immaculate command. But he did it just by being _human._ ”

Severide let out a little sob, wiping his tears away as Herrmann brought him into a hug. He knew he’d helped the younger firefighter, had brought him out of the sheer terror and back into some sense of practical thought.

“And that’s how I know Casey will be okay. He’s too good to be taken from us.”

Severide was sobbing again, leaning into Herrmann’s grasp. As Herrmann looked around over his shoulder, he saw Boden nodding to him, letting him know he’d done the right thing.

After a while, Severide cried himself out, still resting his head on Herrmann’s shoulder. Herrmann didn’t say anything, just kept rocking him gently as he had done with all of his children. Kelly seemed to be peaceful, at least, and for a while, they all thought he’d fallen asleep.

He hadn’t, though, and eventually pulled away, scrubbing his face.

Herrmann could still feel the ring in his pocket, digging into this thigh. Momentarily, he considered showing Severide. It was awful, the situation. They didn’t know what condition Casey was in, they didn’t know if Casey was going to wake up. Severide was distraught, and this would give him something to focus on.

 _Besides,_ thought the dark voice in Herrmann’s mind, _this might be the last chance Severide gets to say yes._

Shaking his head, Herrmann tried banishing the thought as he continued weighing up the pros and cons.


	4. Surgery

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Here's another chapter, I hope it doesn't disappoint :)

Herrmann was saved from making the decision, though, when the doors opened. Everyone was immeaditely on their feet, needing to hear the update on their Captain. Severide had stood and promptly fallen forwards, the anxiety, tears and worry being more than enough to drain him of every ounce of energy he had. Herrmann had managed to catch him, though, wrapping a firm arm around his shoulders and holding him upright.

Halstead was standing in the doorway, his expression chilling. Even though he’d tried to cover it, tried to wear his doctor’s face, the ER doc was having a hard time. He knew that this was Casey’s family, and the firehouse had a kinship that few others would ever know. Even the young intern by his side seemed to read that it wasn’t a normal situation and shuffled with the papers she was holding.

“Casey’s alive.”

There was a collective breath of relief, but the solace didn’t last long. If those had been Halstead’s opening words – if those words had been the silver lining of Casey’s condition, they knew that it was serious. 

And Will’s next words confirmed their morbid theory, “We’re still struggling to stabilise him. His injuries are severe… the most serious being focused on his chest.”

Severide wavered, and Herrmann drew him in closer. Will still looked as though he’d rather be anywhere else, and no one could blame him. It was hard enough to be giving bad news to a stranger’s family, but second shift was so much more than that. And that made their fear so much more heartbreaking. Casey might have never been the life of the party, but Halstead knew that along with Severide and Boden, he was the backbone of the house.

And the men sat in front of him had just pulled him from the wreckage, all aware that he was barely clinging to life.

Steeling himself, Will took another breath, “He’d lost a lot of blood before coming to the ED, so we’re giving him products to help counteract the blood loss. CT revealed what Brett and Foster had feared, that he has cardiac tamponade… that is, blood is pooling around his heart and compressing it, making it impossible for it to function at capacity. We drained it, but Beck’s triad indicates it’s building up again… we need to go in and stop the bleed.”

There was a moment of bone chilling silence as everyone tried to process his words. They might be firefighters, not doctors, but even without Will’s sombre tone they understood the ramifications of what he was saying. They understood exactly how serious Matt’s condition was, and they knew how much danger he was in.

But it still wasn’t a surprise when it was one of the paramedics who spoke up, speaking the words that they’d all been thinking. Brett looked as though she was about to be sick as she whispered in horror, “What does that mean? That he’s bleeding… from his heart?”

Hearing it proved to be too much for Kelly, and he wavered again, tears now making their way down his face. He would have collapsed if it weren’t for Herrmann’s strong arm, and he knew that he’d need to sit soon.

But first, he needed to know about his boy…

Will took a breath. In reality, the blood was most likely coming from his heart, but there was no reason to confirm that they already expected the worst-case scenario, “We won’t know where the blood is coming from until we get in there. Rhodes is already scrubbing in… it does qualify as emergency surgery, but Kelly… if you can sign consent, it will speed up the process.”

Kelly let out a shaky breath, unable to respond without sobbing out loud. But before he was going to sign anything, he needed to know that it was the best option for his boy, that making that decision would be the best for Casey. Halstead seemed to pick up on it, and cleared his throat as he admitted, “Casey will need to be put on a cardiopulmonary bypass machine for the duration of the surgery – that is, a pump that will act in place of his heart and lungs – and I’m not going to lie, there are real risks associated with the surgery… but we need to control the bleed. We have a large team on stand-by, and Casey has one of the best surgeons in Chicago…”

Realising that it wasn’t really an option, Severide nodded, taking the pen as the intern handed it to him and scribbling his signature on the line. No sooner had he signed them, the intern dashed away, and Severide knew that Casey would be in surgery within minutes.

Will continued talking, but his voice had faded into the background. This couldn’t be happening. Casey wasn’t injured. He was going to wake up, and it would all be a dream. He was going to wake up, and he was going to be wrapped in the sheets of their bed, together, nice and warm. He was going to wake up, and Casey would be holding him, sushing him as he stroked back his hair and told him that everything was okay…

In fact, he was so sure that he was about to wake up, Casey shaking him with a concerned look on his face, their cat sleeping at the end of their bed, that he was disorientated when it didn’t happen. Disorientated when he didn’t hear Casey’s voice calling him, didn’t feel his hands on him. Everything started spinning, and before he knew it, his vision was darkening around the edges.

Before he even staggered, he felt himself being lowered to the seat, a hand taking his wrist. Brett suddenly appeared in front of him, looking concerned, and then, in another blink, she was gone.

He felt himself slurring out a question, wondering about Casey, but he wasn’t aware if he got a response. In honesty, he wasn’t even aware if he’d got the words out right. That didn’t matter, though, because Casey was injured…

A blanket was draped over his shoulder and a hand came to his back, rubbing it harder each time he opened his mouth. But he wasn’t processing much. Just the hand on his back and the blanket around his shoulders… and the fact that Casey was still in surgery…

* * *

Herrmann groaned at the aching in his back but seeing Severide’s head on his lap he knew that he was right where he needed to be. After Halstead had left, Severide had slipped into shock. No one was surprised, nor were they overly concerned… Kelly was fine so long as they kept an eye on him.

But the squad man had still been unaware of what was happening, the only thing calming him seeming to be Herrmann’s hand on his back. Brett and Foster were both checking him over periodically, their movement only rousing him enough for him to slur out a question about Casey. But they’d still been satisfied with his progress, he just needed rest and comfort.

Despite Severide’s state, Halstead had been coming in with regular updates on Casey. None of them had sounded hopeful, and every positive was overshadowed by a negative, but one thing was clear – Casey was a tough bastard. He was fighting every single complication, rallying in ways that surprised even the doctors, but he still had a long road ahead of him, and he wasn’t even stable.

Herrmann was just thinking about all that Casey had been through when Severide stirred, groaning as his eyes opened. He’d given that response before and not woken fully, so Christopher just absently rubbed his back, wishing that they had positive news for him. But suddenly Kelly tensed, before he was rocketing upright, so fast that Herrmann almost didn’t manage to catch him when he fell forwards. As it was, Herrmann had almost been dragged to the ground, barely able to keep the squad man upright.

Boden had been watching with a wary eye, so was the first to arrive at the struggle. He gripped Kelly’s shoulders and helped him back into the chair, kneeling in front of him so he could get a read on his emotions.

Severide was still looking around with wide eyes, processing that much of the firehouse was asleep. It should have comforted him, but it didn’t. How had everyone had time to fall asleep?

Overwhelming fear took over, and Severide pulled himself up as he glanced around, “Matty… how’s Matty?”

Doing his best to calm him, Boden started rubbing circles on his arm, “He’s still in surgery, Kelly. He’s putting up one hell of a –”

But those words were enough to prompt another reaction, and Severide jumped up, once again relying on Boden’s strong hands to stabilise him, “He’s still in surgery… how long has he been in surgery?”

Boden lowered him down, rubbing his shoulder again as he looked to the man he in many ways considered his son, “Kelly… he’s been in surgery for ten hours.”

The heartbreaking cry that Severide let out woke anyone who was still asleep, and Boden brought him into a hug. Severide struggled against it for a moment, before relaxing and letting out a strained, “Why…?”

Deciding to neglect some of the more morbid details, Boden sighed, “They’ve managed to patch the bleed in his heart… it was small, but enough to be causing the complications. The patch is holding, and they also fixed the other bleeds… he’s no longer losing blood, and he’s reacting positively to the blood products…”

Kelly let out a breath, and Boden immediately felt bad. He’d just crammed ten hours of positive news into a couple of sentences, and he had yet to touch on the complications, “His left lung collapsed… twice, but they’ve managed to re-inflate it… he’s still on the vent, but with the support, his sats are holding.”

By now, Severide was looking so pale that Boden was considering if he should go into more detail. On one hand, Kelly deserved the truth. He was Matt’s boyfriend and he cared a great deal about him. On the other… Casey wasn’t even out of surgery yet. There was no reason to worry Kelly if he might not even –

No. That wasn’t going to happen.

Gripping Kelly’s shoulder tighter, Boden was as gentle as he could possibly be, “Kelly… they are still struggling to keep him stable. They’re worried about lack of oxygen… and his head. There’s no bleed on his brain, but… because of the other injuries, they’ve had to load him with blood clotters… that could be preventing sufficient oxygen getting to his brain, and they put him at risk of other complications… but they’re also stopping him from bleeding out.”

Kelly’s face first twisted into an expression of shock, then one of utter agony. He couldn’t even begin to fathom how bad Casey’s injuries were if his condition was still so severe, he couldn’t believe how long Casey had been in surgery. It just didn’t seem real; it didn’t seem possible. Casey was strong, but there was only so much that the human body could take.

Unable to look at his face any longer, Boden pulled Kelly against his shoulder, holding him tight and once again starting to rock him. Severide was sobbing, and Boden knew there was little he could do to make this better, “He’s putting up one hell of a fight, Kelly. He’s putting up one hell of a fight.”

Kelly was just shuddering and shaking in his grasp as he kept processing the reality of the situation. Casey had been suffering, fighting for life, barely surviving… and he hadn’t been able to do anything. Worse, he had been sleeping.

He must have said something to that effect – not that he was aware of what he was saying – because Boden shushed him again and squeezed him gently, “You weren’t really asleep, Kelly…. You were in shock. You weren’t aware of anything, but you were still asking about Casey every few hours…”

Severide couldn’t muster a response to that, and he just continued to lean into Boden’s grasp. The battalion chief was willing to crouch there, for a while, but eventually he rose, adjusting Kelly in his grasp so his arm was still wrapped around him.

One by one, the rest of the firehouse family was roused by Kelly’s sobbing, and a few were on their feet, immediately fearing the worst. But Herrmann had been quick to reassure them, telling them that there was no new news and they’d just caught Kelly up.

And they all sat in silence as Kelly continued to sob, no one wanting to speak and break the already fragile atmosphere in the room. There had never been any doubt as to how perfect they were for each other, but the day had confirmed something else – that they couldn’t live without each other. 

Kelly’s breathing had finally quieted down when the door opened again, revealing and exhausted looking Will Halstead. Every time he’d been coming back to the room, he looked progressively worse. In fact, he looked almost as terrible as each member of the firehouse family. Everyone from the ED had visited at least once, and it spoke volumes as to how much Casey was loved – but also to how serious his condition was.

“Casey’s still holding on. We’re satisfied that we’ve controlled the bleeding, and it all seems to be holding… his blood pressure has started to increase, and he’s still responding well to the blood products… we’ve been able to wean him off the cardiac bypass, and his heart rate is holding well.”

There was an obvious ‘but’ in his update, because Casey just didn’t get off that lightly, “But he’s still not triggering the vent, so he’s relying on the mechanical ventilation. With the vent, his sats are staying up… which we’re happy with, for the time being. The vent can, however, introduce more complications given the recent cardiac tamponade… but we’re monitoring him very closely. The arrythmias are still present, but none are life threatening, at this stage.”

Halstead paused for another second, clearly not wanting to say his next words, “We also made the decision to not close his chest. Given that the patch failed once, we want continued access to his heart… and Matt was starting to struggle with the anesthesia. We’ve given him some anti-biotics to counter any infection that might enter – or anything from the scene – and we’re hopeful that we’ll soon be able to take him back into surgery to close it.”

Halstead let that sit in the room for a moment, feeling sick himself and knowing that it would take a while for the family to digest the news, “I’m not going to sugarcoat it; Matt’s still in serious condition. But the surgeons have done all they can… now, it’s just now a waiting game. He’s coming out of the PACU, but we’re keeping him in a medically induced coma for the time being. It should give him the best opportunity to heal and will help with the worst of the pain.”

Kelly hadn’t been able to respond, the words once again moving slowly through his brain. Casey was in a coma… _Casey was in a coma._ And he couldn’t even do anything… he couldn’t do anything to help him, he could only wait.

He felt powerless, and Kelly liked control.

Slowly, as though he was a wounded animal, Halstead approached, kneeling down and glancing to Boden for permission. The Chief nodded, and Halstead was gentle as he rested his hand on Severide’s knee, “Kelly… it’s bending hospital protocol. But once Matt’s been moved up to the ICU… you can see him. It would only be for a few minutes, but I can get you up there.”

Nodding without a second thought, Kelly once again started tearing up.


	5. ICU

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Little bit of a shorter chapter today... hope you enjoy :)

Earlier, Kelly had wanted nothing more than to see his boyfriend, wanted nothing more than to see that he was breathing, hear his heart beating, feel his warm skin under his hands. But now, walking down the too-bright halls of the ICU, he was terrified. Not long after they’d got Matt settled, Will had come back down and collected him to take him up. Boden had offered to come with him, but Severide had refused. He needed to do this on his own terms.

Casey was still unstable, under strict monitoring. Halstead had run him through what to expect, but Kelly knew he was still in denial. Surely Will was preparing him for the worst, lowering his expectations so he was relieved when he saw him. Because there was no way that Matt was so badly hurt.

Will was still walking by his side, matching his pace to give Severide some sense of control. The hallway had felt impossibly long, and even though Severide knew that there wasn’t _that_ many rooms, he felt as though he’d been walking for hours.

It occurred to him that this was what it felt like to be voluntarily walking to your death. Was this what it felt like to be on death row?

Halstead had told him earlier that Casey had settled well, and that Rhodes had already been up and was satisfied with his heart sounds. The patches were still holding, and he was still tolerating the blood products.

But he was still lying in the ICU in a coma.

The buzzing had returned to his ears as Halstead stopped walking, just before the room that must belong to Casey. He might know what to expect, but Will knew from experience that Severide still needed to take it slowly, “Are you ready, Kelly?”

Kelly took a moment before he nodded, taking a breath and looking to Will for support. Immeaditely, the doctor put a hand on his shoulder, squeezing it once again as he started moving towards Matt’s ICU suite.

They paused at the door, Halstead carefully watching Severide’s reaction as the man took in the sight of his boy lying back in the bed. They couldn’t see much through the glass, being too far away from Matt, but Kelly wasn’t ready to move closer just yet. Casey was dwarfed by the vent, and the machines by his bed… and in all the fuss, he’d totally forgotten that the blonde had broken his arm, but he could now see the bright white cast around it. 

Severide nodded when he was ready, and Halstead opened the sliding door slowly. Kelly took a nervous step in, and almost immeaditely fell back.

He just wasn’t prepared.

Before, he hadn’t been able to make out any of Casey’s injuries, had only seen the bigger picture. And that had been frightening enough, but this was far worse.

Casey was lying on his back, vent secured firmly over his face. It looked all too invasive, cruelly shoved down his throat. There were so many wires going from his head, connected to a machine that Will explained monitored brain activity. Momentarily, Severide thought that this must be what alien abduction looked like… but he quickly banished the thought.

His eyes flittered from the machines and down to Casey’s pale face, seeing it was totally slack and impassive. He had been hoping that Casey would look peaceful, that no matter how bad his injuries were, the blonde would look like he was at peace and comfortable. But he didn’t. His expression looked alien.

And every part of his face that wasn’t covered in bandages or unbearably pale seemed to be marred with bruises and cuts. His left eye was totally swollen, he would have no hope of opening it if he tried too. The large cut above his eye had been stitched and cleaned, but yellow-green bruising marred his skin. There was another cut on his cheek, and a couple more littered across his face. The longer he looked, the worse it all appeared… so he quickly adverted his gaze further down Casey’s body.

And he almost wished that he hadn’t. Will hadn’t been lying when he’d said it was where the worst of Casey’s injuries were concentrated. Casey’s chest was exposed, the blanket only coming up to his hips. Huge patches were taped to his chest, and Severide assume that they covered the still open incision sites.

The open incision sites. Left open just in case… 

He shook his head. He couldn’t think about that, couldn’t think about Matt needing more surgery. And the longer he looked; the more he took in. The areas between the bandages were so discoloured – ranging from phenomenal purples to remarkable reds – that Severide felt physically sick.

He forced his eyes back up to his face. 

Holding his breath, he moved closer, walking slowly and carefully. He was just as careful as he settled by his bedside, starting to stifle his breaths. Because Casey looked as delicate as a house of cards, and he didn’t want to knock him down. He moved a hand to Casey’s wrist, gently touching him once he was sure he wouldn’t hurt him, “Hey, Matty…”

Casey gave absolutely no response, not that Kelly had been expecting one. His breathing remained the same – scarily even as it was being controlled by the vent – and not a single muscle on his face twitched. But Severide knew that people in comas could sometimes hear what was happening around them, and he couldn’t bear the thought that Casey thought he was alone.

And with horror, it occurred to him that Casey could hear everyone else as well as himself.

Suddenly overwhelmed with the need to reassure his boy, Severide leant over, still trying to breathe as softly as he could, “Matty… Matty. I know what they’re saying about everything being touch and go… but I’m not worried, Matty. I’m not worried. You’re the strongest person I know… you’re so strong. If anyone can make it, it’s you…”

He hoped that the desperation hadn’t come through, that it hadn’t sounded like he was trying to reassure himself, because he knew that was exactly what he was doing. He’d made every damn effort to sound confident, because he needed Matt to know that he believed in him… that he was there… that he thought he’d be okay.

“Uh… I love you, Matty… I love you so much… everyone does. They’ve all been waiting… and you’re going to come back from this, Matty… you are…”

He broke off, tears starting to flood down his cheeks. Momentarily, it occurred to him that he should be telling Casey that it was okay, that if he needed to let go, if it was all too painful… then he could slip away. He should be telling Casey that he loved him, no matter what, that if he died, he would continue his legacy. That he would continue to stand for what he had represented, that he would continue to love him unconditionally. That he’d left this world loved and cared for.

But he just couldn’t, and he desperately hoped that he wouldn’t hate himself for not saying those words.

He stayed by his side for a while, unable to talk without sobbing. He did want to keep talking to Casey… but it wouldn’t be fair for him to hear him like that. He didn’t want the last thing the blonde heard to be his tears… because Casey didn’t deserve that.

Casey didn’t deserve to leave the world worried.

Halstead’s hand gently squeezed his shoulder, rousing Kelly from his morbid thoughts. He scrubbed his hand over his face, taking a breath, before gathering the little strength he had.

“I love you, Matty.”

He leant over, pecking him lightly on the forehead and cursing himself for the shitty goodbye, before tears once again started flowing down his face and he left before he could start sobbing.

* * *

Boden had ended up being the one to take Severide home, the Squad Lieutenant once again retreating into his own mind and being unable to look after himself. He’d looked so hollow when he’d returned to the waiting room that it had sent another wave of fear through everyone. He looked as though he’d seen a ghost. And in some ways, he had.

He’d had to be guided to the battalion car, not even processing the moment the freezing Chicago air hit him. Boden had held his arm, gently sitting him in the passenger seat and doing his belt up. He’d already taken the whole of second shift off rotation, which wouldn’t make him popular with headquarters. But frankly, he didn’t give a shit.

Bringing Kelly to his house had been a consideration, but in the end, he figured that it was better for the squad man to wake up someplace familiar, and not at six in the morning by a screaming Terrance. Donna had understood and had even offered to bring him a spare change of clothes. Boden had then been worried about how Kelly might react to seeing Casey’s things, but that would have to be dealt with later.

Fishing Kelly’s keys out of his pocket, Boden unlocked the door and gently manhandled him through. He’d been to their apartment before, of course, but only for dinner parties, after the place had received a through cleaning. And the place would always be neat – after all, Casey lived there – but right now, it looked lived in. There was a pair of shoes by the door, a beer bottle on the countertop… a pet bowl by the bench… nothing extraordinarily messy, but also not immaculately clean for guests.

Tenderly pushing Kelly to sit at the table, Boden quickly moved to the countertop to prepare him a quick meal. While he was focused on the stove, he heard the batter of tiny feet, and glanced down to see a kitten looking up at him. No sooner had he set eyes on it, it froze, staring at him before it scattered away, bulleting under the cabinet before a tiny white nose peeped out.

He forgot they’d adopted a cat.

Kelly hadn’t reacted, so he set the meal in front of him before sitting across from him. Severide was numbly staring at the plate, so Boden gently instructed him to take forkful after forkful – just like he might with his own son.

He’d then had to walk him into the bathroom, taking his toothbrush and handing it to him when he’d been distracted by the sight of Casey’s. He had to revert to his Chief’s voice as he directed Severide to first put toothpaste on his brush and to then put it in his mouth.

Stepping into their bedroom had made him nervous, worried about how Kelly might react. But Severide had gone in with the same detachment, eyes almost unseeing as Boden directed him to his dresser and to get changed into pyjamas. He then pushed Kelly into the bed, relieved when he rolled over, and brought Casey’s pillow to his face with one hand. Kelly still might be in a living hell, but as far as Boden was concerned, this was an improvement.

Knowing that he really needed to remain for the night, just so he could keep an eye on Severide, Boden set himself up on the couch. It wasn’t long before he heard the sounds of quiet, muffled sobbing coming from Kelly’s room, and he considered whether he should get up and comfort him. He’d known the man long enough to know how he acted when he was upset, but this was a whole other level. Kelly had broken down in his arms earlier, and Boden truly believed that the squad lieutenant had been pushed past his final bounds this time.

But before he made a decision, he heard the rapid patter of feet falling on the floor, madly dashing towards Casey and Severide’s bedroom. He glanced up just in time to see the kitten dashing through the open door, clearly still weary of Boden but wanting to get to Kelly.

After a few minutes, the sounds of the muffled sobbing faded, and Boden marvelled at the healing power of animals.


	6. Penny

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Phew! So I've been insanely overwhelmed with the end of the school semester... handed in my final assignments yesterday! Have pretty much slept since... and edited this chapter. I hope you're still enjoying the fic and that it doesn't disappoint!

Severide tiredly rubbed the sleep out of his eyes, groggily rolling to one side. Part of him had still expected that he’d wake up to find that it had all been a dream, and that Casey was sleeping peacefully beside him. But he wasn’t. And he wouldn’t be for some time.

If ever.

That thought brought another round of tears to his eyes, but he tried to swallow them down. His crying wasn’t helping anything, and he’d done enough of it over the past day.

But his emotions had disturbed Penny, and the kitten shifted as she woke up. As Severide stared at her, she sleepily blinked, licked her lips, and then realised why she’d been woken up. Quickly, she stood, moving over to Severide and rubbing her head against him.

The first time he’d seen the kitten reacting to tears, he’d been beyond shocked. Casey had been upset over a call, questioning his ability to lead. It was something that happened more often than Severide cared to admit, but he was always there to reassure him. Matt had started crying, the image of the dead child too much to shake, and Severide was reaching out to bring him into a hug – when Penny had jumped up on the couch and started rubbing her tiny ginger head against him.

They’d only had her for a few weeks, at that point, and she was still timid. She’d been a shelter cat, and the volunteer had explained that she’d been abused. Kelly knew that it was what had drawn Casey to her – most of the other kittens had been at the front of their cages, eager to meet new people, but of course Casey had gone for the undersized runt at the back of the cage. And Severide had loved him for it. And the moment he’d seen Penny in his blonde’s arms, had known that there was no other option.

She’d still spent a lot of time hiding under their furniture, though, weary of the environment she was now in. Casey had googled it and told Severide that she just needed time, and that they needed to be gentle and calm around her. Sure enough, she had begun trusting Casey and his calm and reserved voice before she’d allowed the more boisterous Severide to pat her, but she’d slowly acclimatized to them both.

But Severide still hadn’t expected her to be so affectionate, because he’d never realised that cats cared so much about their owners, nor that they’d try to comfort them when they were distressed. And the more important part, to him, was that it had worked. Casey had picked Penny up with one hand and bundled him to his chest, stroking between her ears as the cat rapidly purred at him. He’d then fallen into Severide’s arms as well, and between the two of them, his panic attack calmed.

And rather than being jealous, Kelly had just been happy that Casey had responded so well. He was quick to use Penny to comfort Matt from then on. Dropping her on their bed when Casey had been miserably ill with the flu, carrying her to Casey when they were snuggled on the couch… every single time, she seemed to make Matt feel better.

And Penny was happy to do it. It was clear she liked Casey more, and Matt had tried reassuring him that it was just because he fed her the most, but Severide had just laughed and shook his head. He didn’t mind, he knew Casey found more comfort in the kitten anyway, and he was just glad that Casey was happy.

Right now, though, Penny’s purring and soft headbutts were doing more than he cared to admit. Tears were still running down his face, but as his fingers combed through her soft, ginger fur, he felt his body relaxing and his tears ebbing. Penny continued to purr, evidently not minding that she was uncomfortably flopped onto her side.

That was the scene the Boden was met with when he poked his head in the door. He’d heard Kelly’s tears start up again, and then ebb. And while he’d had no idea how Kelly had been able to get a hold of his emotions; he didn’t find himself surprised when he saw the cat cradled to his side.

The battalion chief considered leaving him alone to rest, but Kelly shifted his eyes up, pleading. With silence he usually reserved for his son, Boden padded over, gently sitting on the edge of the mattress as Severide gathered his thoughts.

“She’s Matty’s… well… Matt wanted a cat. So, I got him one.”

Penny seemed to know that they were talking about her, and her head swiveled as she turned to Boden. Wallace didn’t know what to think, didn’t know how to respond to Severide’s admission.

Slowly, he started moving a hand towards her, intending to pat her on the head. But Penny propped herself up, quick as lightening, clearly still afraid of the stranger sitting near her owner.

Severide knew what to do, though, having heard the lecture from Casey a hundred times, “Put out your hand – palm up… so she can smell you. And low down. Put your middle finger lower as well… reduces the size of your hand… you need to be slow around cats… and pat their back first, head they find threatening…”

Boden did just that, watching as Penny quickly leant forwards and gave his hand a vigorous sniff. Her tail flickered, mind processing her judgment, before she seemed to glance back at Severide.

“It’s okay… he’s okay…”

As though she’d heard and understood her owner’s judgement, Penny turned back to Boden, settling down once again. Slowly, Boden moved back to her side, gently stroking her. She sniffed him again, before relenting and putting her head back down.

Boden cleared his throat as he spoke, “I didn’t realise cats were so affectionate.”

Sniffing, Kelly nodded, “Neither did I… Matty did, though… of course he did.”

His voice broke on the last syllable, and once again, he was unable to stop his tears. Boden’s heart went out to him, moving closer and gently taking Kelly’s shoulders, “Hey… hey…”

Unable to stop a strained cry, Kelly wrapped his arms around Boden, accepting every bit of his Chief’s comfort. Wallace just held him, soothing him and keeping his voice soft, “He’s tough, Kelly… Casey’s really tough…”

* * *

Kelly had at least been able to look after himself that morning and had got himself showered and dressed while Boden made him breakfast. They then ate in silence, before Kelly filled up Penny’s food bowl. By this time, both he and Casey should be returning from the firehouse, arm in arm, ready to enjoy their forty-eight hours off.

Instead, he was getting ready to go to the hospital.

By the time Kelly was ready to go – because he’d last minute decided that he needed to bring some of Matt’s things to make his room more comfortable – Boden was waiting by the door. The battalion chief knew that Kelly wouldn’t be allowed to leave anything in his room, but that fuss had seemed to calm the younger man and that was good enough for him – it was almost visiting hours, and with any luck they’d let Kelly right in.

The car ride had been spent in silence, Severide just staring out the window as he thought everything through. He’d only just started processing the severity of the situation. Last night, he’d been so out of it that all he’d been able to understand was that he might lose Matt, that there was no assurance that Casey would survive. He’d understood that Casey might pull through, or that he might not.

He hadn’t understood any of the medical stuff, nor realised what it could all mean.

And while he wished it had offered comfort, it had done the total opposite. He couldn’t remember the finer details, but all too abruptly it hit him that Matty had a _fucking hole in his heart_ and _couldn’t breathe by himself_ and they didn’t even _know what was happening with his brain._

Severide felt himself getting worked up again. He had no idea what was going to happen… it was all still so fragile… yet everything just kept becoming more and more realistic.

“Hey, hey… Kelly…”

Boden had already had it confirmed that there were no updates on Casey’s condition. He still wasn’t stable, and he hadn’t triggered the vent. His blood pressure was still dangerously low, and they were still transfusing him. The arrythmias were still present, and he was still in a coma. On the other hand, everything was holding, and no complications had presented themselves. It was the best they could hope for, at this point. Something that wasn’t very reassuring.

When Severide finally laid eyes on Casey, his heart skipped a beat. The blonde looked no different; the bruises still intense across his skin and the vent still in place. There was no difference in the number of monitors, the red flashing numbers doing nothing to make Kelly feel any better. He took a slow breath, steeling himself, before going to sit beside him.

And then he had no idea what to do.

He hadn’t planned this far ahead; every single task having seemed like a ten-alarm fire. Fortunately for him, a nurse bustled in, and Severide was able to distract himself by quizzing her on everything he could think of. She’d been kind, trying to pacify Severide and reassure him, but she had other patients to attend too, and eventually had to excuse herself to continue her rounds.

Severide then sat back down, wringing his hands together as he tried to pacify his anxiety. He thought about talking to Casey, but for the life of him, couldn’t figure out what to say. He thought about telling Casey a story… but what was the best thing to say to someone in a coma?

The same nurse scurried in, once again checking his monitors and making notes. Severide stood uncomfortably close to her, and she just smiled kindly as she went into as much detail as she could. Rhodes should be coming by soon, and he’d explain more then, but she was as patient as possible as Severide begged her for answers.

Once again, she excused herself with practiced politeness, leaving Severide sitting at Casey’s side. The anxiety quickly overwhelmed him, and Severide set about putting out the items he’d collected around his hospital room. He kept glancing back at Casey, expecting him to give some form of reaction. When he didn’t get it, he just tried to imagine a smile on the blonde’s face, that the poster he’d just hung up had offered him some comfort, had brought familiarity into the otherwise alien room.

Just as he was setting up the table in the corner of the room, he grinned to him, “Hey… Case. Do you think this should go here, or here?”

He continued to ask Casey questions, imagining that Casey had answered and picked the location he finally set it. Kelly felt foolish, but at the same time it managed to calm him, and he decided that he should take what he could get.

“Hm… Matty, do you remember when we took this? We were at Molly’s and Otis was trialling a new beer… you thought it was the best. I looked into it, you know… but they only supply bars and you can’t get bottles… maybe I should ask Otis to get it in again… or we could keep our own private keg at Molly’s…”

Severide smiled when he was done, looking at Casey with every ounce of love in the world. He tried not to mind when the blonde didn’t react, instead kissing the tips of his fingers and pressing it to Casey’s cheek.

“And this one, Matty… at the Polar Plunge… I love that we went in a couples outfit… cookies and milk was a great idea. Capp gave me shit about being the milk, though… but I mean I didn’t care. I was spending time with you, and that was the most important thing.”

He paused, looking at Casey’s pale and unmoving face, before he felt the lump grow in his throat. He leant over, resting a hand on Casey’s shoulder as gently as he could, “Matty… I love you so much, baby… and I can’t wait to see your beautiful blue eyes. Because I am gonna see them again, Matty… you’re just so perfect and beautiful and I am going to see them again…”


	7. Fear

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Here's another chapter.. was a little longer than I was planning!
> 
> As usual, happy reading and I hope it doesn't disappoint!

Herrmann ran his hand over his face as he set himself down on the couch, listening to the sounds of his squabbling children. Something about Max being a ‘big boy’ and needing to watch a different show from Kenny. He watched without doing anything as they started wrestling for the remote, voices getting louder and louder and more aggressive in tone as the argument escalated.

Lee Henry walked past, going into the kitchen and taking an apple, before retreating to his room, not even blinking at his screaming brothers. Chris watched for another second, frustration building up. His kids were acting as though it was the end of the world, as though the most important thing was seeing a show. He couldn’t believe the venom in their voices, and Kenny was only six.

Before he could stop himself, he was on his feet, voice raised well past the volume it should be. Both the kids froze, eyes widening and remote forgotten. But Herrmann kept yelling, asking them how they could be so concerned with the TV when people were suffering. It wasn’t the first time the conversation had come up in the Herrmann household, but Kenny was young enough that it was still frightening.

His eyes glazed over with tears as Herrmann started talking about getting rid of the television, and that just set the engine lieutenant off _again_ because he thought Kenny was upset about not watching TV.

Cindy’s soft hand came to his shoulder, halting him mid-sentence. He glanced back to her, before a wave of guilt hit. Flawlessly, she moved over to the bawling Kenny, picking him up and cradling him in her arms. Without making any more fuss, she jerked her head towards their bedroom, indicating that he was best off taking a break.

Herrmann went without any further protest.

Kenny’s sobs had faded by the time he got back to his room, but it did little to make him feel better. Wiping a hand over his face, Herrmann moved over to his drawer, opening it and staring down at the small black box.

The house knew as much as Kelly on Matt’s condition, understanding that it was still serious. The uncertainty was debilitating, and Herrmann knew it was the reason he’d blown up. Not that he was trying to excuse himself, but he knew that as much as Cindy did.

Slowly, he took the ring box and moved to sit on the edge of his bed. He continued to fiddle with it in his hands, rotating it around and around and realising that it had sustained surprisingly little damage. The edges were slightly scuffed, sure, but there was absolutely no blood on the box, and the realisation only made him feel sick.

He didn’t know why, but when the door softly opened, he shoved it under his leg. Cindy slipped in, gently moving closer to him and sitting beside him.

“Is Kenny okay?”

Cindy smiled. No matter how upset her husband was, she could always count on him to have his heart in the right place, “He’s okay now, Christopher. Lee Henry agreed to show him how to play a game…”

Unable to stop the stab of guilt – because dammit, his kids were perfect – Herrmann nodded, still staring at his hands. They continued to sit in silence, Cindy waiting patiently as her husband gathered his thoughts. She knew about Casey, of course, and she knew how hard it was for Chris to see one of his brothers – and hell, a surrogate son – in any kind of pain.

“I saw the kids arguing about something so pointless… and Casey’s lying in a coma and they don’t even know if he’ll survive.”

Cindy nodded slowly, knowing that Chris wasn’t yet done, “And I just got so… mad. That they could get so caught up… in something so unimportant… when there’s so much bad happening…”

He broke off, and Cindy raised a hand to his shoulder. Being married to a first responder certainly had its challenges, but she’d always be ready to valiantly fight them. For Chris.

“They’re children, Christopher…”

Herrmann nodded, “I know that… I know that… I just… got overwhelmed.”

Cindy got the impression that there was something her husband wasn’t saying, something else bothering him. Not that she was expecting him to deal with Casey’s injury better than he was, but she knew him and knew that there was more to it.

Herrmann shook his head, faraway look coming over his face as he considered where he was going, “And seeing Severide… so upset… Cindy, I’ve never seen him like that. They have no idea if Casey’s going to… can you imagine that?”

Tearing up a little herself, Cindy moved to wrap an arm around him. But Chris took that exact moment to shift, reaching down to where the ring was wedged to his side.

He clutched at the box for a moment before revealing it to Cindy, heart clenching at the gasp she gave, “This was in Casey’s pick-up… he was going to propose.”

Cindy put a hand to her mouth, staring at the box with wide eyes. She wasn’t able to stop the tears pooling in them, suddenly understanding why Chris had been so irritable.

As gently as she could, she brought him into a firm hug, glad that having her chin on his shoulder hid any additional tears.

* * *

Connor Rhodes smiled at the sight of Severide sitting at his boyfriend’s side, talking to him gently and stroking the back of his hand. It was a sad sight, but a touching one none the less. He knew that Severide would be absolutely terrified, and different people dealt with fear and different ways. It was good for Severide and good for Casey that the squad lieutenant was channeling his energy into caring for him. He also saw the pictures that Severide had set up around the room, and he promised himself that he would try to keep them there.

Regretting that he was likely to upend the serenity that had settled over the room, Rhodes gently knocked on the door. Severide spun around quickly, standing as soon as he realised who it was. Connor could only offer him a sad smile, casting an expert eye over Casey’s monitors. The Truck Captain’s vitals still hadn’t changed. And even though someone might think that it was a good thing – that Casey’s sats were holding – Rhodes knew how concerning it was. Casey’s vitals had already been too low for too long, and there was good reason to be worried about complications. Casey still had one hell of a battle ahead of him, and he hadn’t even started on the road to recovery.

Connor glanced up from the monitors, seeing Severide staring at him with scrutiny. He didn’t blame him. He knew that Severide likely still knew very little and was barely processing what he did know. He’d have to repeat almost everything that the squad lieutenant had already heard and may even have to do for quite a few days.

Doing his best to give Kelly a reassuring smile – while knowing full well that it was his ‘patient’ smile – Rhodes took a breath, “Hey, Kelly.”

Severide tried to croak a welcome back, but he could barely manage to make a sound. Rhodes’ expression had sent a pang of panic through him, and he had had to blink back tears as he looked back down at his boyfriend. He knew that the news wouldn’t be good.

“And his suspicions were confirmed by Rhodes’ next words, “Kelly… we should sit down. I’d like to go through Matt’s treatment with you. It’s going to be overwhelming, Kelly… but I’m going to be here. As are the nurses. We also have support staff, which includes Doctor Charles – any of them are available to you at any time.”

He knew that Kelly wouldn’t think that he needed the support – and that he might even take offence at the offer – but the reality was, as soon as Severide processed everything and reality truly hit, he would be needing all the support he could get.

Connor sat down across from him, seeking eye contact with the firefighter. He hated this part, hated that he had to be realistic, but there was no easy way to say his words. When he left, Kelly would be a little more broken, more afraid and scrambling to find some shred of hope in his dying world.

He started speaking softly, once again going over all the information about Casey’s heart and internal bleeding. He reminded Kelly that the patch was holding, and that it was really good news. If it continued to hold, they would be able to take him back into surgery and close his chest. Casey had also so far been reacting positively to the blood products and transfusion, and they were hopeful that they would be finished with them soon.

Casey was still experiencing arrythmias, but none had thus far proven to be dangerous, and it was increasingly unlikely that they would become a concern. But even without the arrythmias, Casey’s heart had been through a lot of trauma. While the main symptom of the swelling and bruising was pain, Rhodes knew that he had to keep an eye on it. A large part of Casey’s treatment was still focused on his chest and reducing the risk of internal bleeding – medications to slow his heart rate, Vitamin K to increase clotting, and even his position on the bed – and with any luck, he would continue to heal.

Knowing that Kelly needed a moment to process that information, Rhodes dropped his gaze, patiently waiting as Severide closed his eyes. The Squad Lieutenant was doing his best to keep himself calm, but he was starting to struggle – he knew just how serious Casey’s condition was.

Rhodes waited until Severide had opened his eyes again, focusing his attention on Casey’s pale hand. Saying his next words were going to be a challenge – because as essential as Casey’s treatment was, it posed a significant risk to other parts of Casey’s bodily functions. And while he strongly believed that the right medical decisions had been made, Kelly was entitled to all the information.

But it was unlikely that Kelly would know what to do with it. And that it would only make the man feel even more conflicted. He would feel torn as to whether he was doing the right thing, and it would only stress him out.

Yet legally, ethically – he had the right to know.

“Kelly… although the original impact to his head was only moderate – and we were cautious, given his history – and there was only some moderate swelling and no bleed, some of his treatment, as well as the blood loss, and the oxygen deprivation, has introduced… complications.”

Severide stiffened, eyes flicking up to Connor’s face. Every part of Rhodes was now wishing that he had better news, but he pushed forwards, “The Vitamin K can prevent sufficient blood flow to the brain, as well as raise the risk of blood clots… but there are a lot more benefits of him being on the treatment –”

But Severide had already stood, towering over Rhodes as he motioned back to Casey, “Then take him off them!”

“Severide…”

“If they’re hurting him… take him off them! Why are you… I’ll… if this has hurt him… I’ll sue you!”

The shouts had brought the attention of the nurses, not to mention security.

But Rhodes kept his calm, motioning for security to stand down before turning back to Kelly, raising his hands in the universal sign of surrender, “Kelly, can I just talk you through it first? I’m happy to review his treatment… and I can get other doctors to review it if you like… but let me explain first, okay?”

It worked, because Kelly rolled his shoulders and huffed, before wrapping his arms around himself and setting his jaw. He was afraid, and Rhodes would sympathise with him. But he wasn’t going to review his treatment – at least not any more than he already had. And any other doctor worth their weight in salt would agree with him. He couldn’t risk Casey bleeding out to prioritise the _chance_ that it would help with his likely already compromised head. But Severide didn’t know that, not yet.

Doing his best to remain succinct, Connor explained, “During the time he spent in the crash, his ride to hospital, and even his time here before he was hooked to the ventilator… Casey’s sats were dangerously low. There’s nothing more that could have been done in the field… Kelly it’s important you know that… and as it was, the time he was brought here was extraordinary… but his blood loss was still severe. And his body was oxygenating poorly to begin with… when he came in, his sats were already dangerously low. And when his lung collapsed on the table… it took them a while to build back up.”

Connor paused again, watching Severide as the man’s eyes fluttered shut, pained expression on his face, “The body needs a certain amount of oxygen to survive, but it needs even more to maintain brain function. The reason that Casey’s not breathing on his own… and the reason it took so long for his sats to climb in the first place… could well be due to complications caused by oxygen deprivation. The brain activity we’re monitoring is still typical of someone in a medically induced coma… but we won’t know what deficits… if any… Casey has until he wakes up…”

And even though the doctor had trailed off, Severide had heard his unsaid words – _if he wakes up._

Suddenly, Severide found himself unable to stop the bile rising from his throat, and he doubled over. Thankfully, years of practice had allowed Rhodes to see it coming, and he’d shoved the emesis basin in front of him with perfect timing. He patted the squad man’s back, rubbing soothing circles, and letting the man catch his breath.

“What about… his wrist?”

Severide didn’t even know why the question had come out of his mouth – it hardly seemed important, not when the rest of Casey was still so critical – but it had been his first thought, the most logical question that his petrified mind had brought up.

And for a moment, Rhodes had wondered if he’d misheard him, because the squad lieutenant’s voice had been broken – from the tears filling his eyes, closing his throat, as well as the bile that had just burnt it – but he understood how Severide’s mind was working. He still couldn’t stop his own eyes from closing as he answered, “Matt’s wrist still needs to be seen by ortho… but it’s quite severely broken. We’ve reduced it, so there’s no danger, but we also need to fix it surgically. That will take a while to heal, but for now, it’s one of his least critical injuries.”

Severide felt his heart drop into his stomach, nodding slightly. Once again, he’d understood Connor’s unspoken words – that there was no point fixing Casey’s wrist if the rest of him was already so broken.

Unable to breathe, Severide rested his forehead against the edge of Casey’s bed, closing his eyes in agony.

* * *

Severide didn’t move from Casey’s side for the rest of the day, maintaining his vigil. Each time a nurse came in, Severide would take the time to gruel them, often unintentionally standing over them in a way that might be considered threatening. He’d already memorized Casey’s sats, and he knew that they weren’t improving, but the nurses might notice something that he didn’t, and he didn’t want to be uninformed.

He also knew that his boyfriend wasn’t about to move, that there was no hope of Casey miraculously waking up, but Severide still kept a close eye on his facial expression. Casey might be in a coma, but Severide didn’t entirely trust that he couldn’t feel pain. If the blonde showed any signs of the agony his body would surely be in… well, he wanted to get a medical professional as soon as possible.

And that went for complications as well.

In fact, he’d been so paranoid that he’d almost imagined things as he talked to his blonde baby, talking to him about times spent in the academy, time spent at the firehouse. At home. Some of their wildest calls. He wasn’t even sure if he was repeating himself, but as long as he talked to Casey, he felt as though he was doing something.

And he’d talked to him about Andy. And about Shay and Hallie. He’d casually speculated that he thought they were hanging out together, having a great time. Darden would be his usual stupid self, pulling pranks and joking around. Shay would be joining him, laughing at his antics and pulling pranks herself. And Hallie would be smiling at them, becoming firm friends as she learnt more about them.

He tried to pretend that he didn’t know why he was bringing up their two dead friends and the woman who had been so dear to Casey… but he did. He knew that he was reminding him of them, so that if he did pass… he would be looked after. That he might be a little less afraid, and that he could see those who had meant so much to him. So that he wouldn’t be alone, and that they would be there…

And he still wanted to tell Casey that it was okay. That if he was in too much pain, he could let go. And that if he did go to the place above… that he could be with Hallie. That he should do whatever it took to make himself happy, that he shouldn’t worry about him.

But he just couldn’t manage the words.

And he hoped he wouldn’t regret it.

Only after breaking down again had he managed to shake the thought away, clearing his throat and talking about a time that they’d just been hanging out at Molly’s. Casey had said something so funny, that Severide hadn’t been able to stop laughing, and soon enough he’d had the blonde virtually in tears as well. Herrmann had then refused to serve them, fearing that they’d already had something to drink before coming to Molly’s and were too intoxicated to make their own decisions. And both of them had found _that_ so funny that it had just set them off again…

To Severide; it hadn’t felt like he’d spent an entire day with Casey when a hand tapped his shoulder. Visiting hours were over, and Boden was standing behind him. The chief was as compassionate as Severide had ever seen him, doing his best to fix Kelly with a loving and fatherly expression as he laid eyes on Casey for the first time. It was a shock, and it was hard for him to see but Boden knew that at that time, Severide’s emotions were more important than his own.

So, he’d ignored Severide’s snide remarks as he’d encouraged him to stand, knowing that the lieutenant was terrified of this being the last time he saw Casey alive, and could touch him and feel the heat from his skin. And he’d been fighting his own emotions as he watched Severide lean over him, kissing the blonde’s forehead and telling him that he’d be back in the morning…

This time, as they drove back to the loft, Boden was just as silent as Severide. And for a good reason. He’d been more than happy to support Kelly through the difficult day, and while he wanted to keep doing it, he knew that it wasn’t practical. He was the Battalion Chief, after all, and he was already an officer down. In fact, he was two officers down – he had already called in a replacement for Severide. Second shift wouldn’t be able to manage without him, and they shouldn’t have too. It would be dangerous.

He’d already spoken to Cruz, knowing that Severide wasn’t ready to be alone yet. Asking one of his firefighters to take a shift off to babysit another one of his firefighters wasn’t something Boden exactly enjoyed doing, but the squad man had agreed straight away. In fact, multiple members of the firehouse had already texted him, willing to do anything they could to support their officers.

Both Casey and Severide were well loved.

He would have to clear that with Kelly, of course, get him to accept the support. And that wasn’t to mention the other conversation that he needed to have with him. The one he didn’t want to have, but knew that he needed to…

He was running on fumes when they arrived back at the loft, but Boden forced his eyes open as he helped the man out of the car, before once again instructing him to eat, to change his clothes, and brush his teeth. Kelly was once again so spent and exhausted from his challenging day that he relied entirely on Boden’s assistance, not even feeling shame as his Chief tucked him up in bed.

And only when Kelly seemed to be at peace – curled on his side with Penny warmly tucked up in his arms – did the battalion chief allow himself a breath. He moved back to the couch, sitting down heavily and scrubbing his face as he pulled out his phone. He’d been neglecting himself over the past few days, neglecting his family. And even though he knew that he was in the place he needed to be, he still felt guilty that he’d barely thought of his wife and child.

Sighing, he took his phone out, seeing that it was just past two in the morning. Donna had left him a message only ten minutes prior, reassuring him that he could call her any time. Relieved, he raised the phone to his ear, relishing the moment that her cheery voice bubbled down the line. He knew that she was making a conscious effort to seem happy for his own benefit, and he appreciated it. He was unable to bring himself to update her on Casey’s condition, and instead listened to her stories about Terrance at day care, Terrance running naked down the hallway, Terrance almost (not even close) sleeping through the night.

Donna had refused to hang up until he was sounding a little less miserable, and by the time he did, a good two hours had passed. He felt guilty that he was feeling warm inside while Severide was still miserable, but Donna sensed it and reassured him that he needed to care for himself as well.


	8. Soothing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoy this chapter!

A strange snuffling woke Severide, and something pressed into his side. He would’ve smiled, but whoever said that you woke up and forgot all the traumatic events that had just transpired was an idiot. He hadn’t thought for a second that the movement was Casey.

Cracking his eyes open, he tiredly watched as Penny padded forwards, sniffing Casey’s pillow before turning away with a swish of her tail. She let out a little miaow, alert eyes surveying the room, before lowering her head and sniffing Casey’s bedding. She glanced around again, before her gaze found Kelly.

At the sight of her sweet face, Kelly’s eyes half-filled with tears, and he reached out to pet her. But the kitten evidently wasn’t having any of it. She let out another miaow – which sounded suspiciously like a harrumph – and she moved towards Casey’s bedside table, placing her front paws on it and looking it over. Her head lowered for another sniff, before she leapt up and stuck her nose in the air. She let out another puzzled sound, before looking around.

Severide felt his heart clench, eyes widening as he realised what was happening.

Penny was looking for Casey.

There were no tears, this time, but the kitten was still able to sense his distress. She abandoned her mission of searching for her favourite owner, instead turning back to Severide. Kelly could almost swear that she was frowning as she made a concerned sound, jumping back to the bed as she padded over. She quickly set about her mission of comforting him, licking his hand with her tiny tongue before pushing her head into his palm. And even though he’d already seen Penny act like this before, he couldn’t help but be amazed at the kitten’s behaviour. 

Lightly, he picked her up – supporting her legs in the way that Casey had taught him – and he gently kissed the cat on the top of her head. She continued to rub against him, clearly eager to comfort her not-as-cuddly human. Severide let out a shuddering breath and closed his eyes. Holding Penny was nice, and while Severide rarely got to hold her – he often joked that Casey was a kitten hog – Kelly wished nothing more than to be able to hand her to his boy. Matt loved that cat, and he knew that the cat loved Matt… and he might never scratch behind her ears again.

Knowing that that thinking was going to get him nowhere, Severide slowly rose to his feet, adjusting Penny in his grip so she could see where they were going. Moving back into the open plan, he clocked Boden still passed out on the couch. He felt guilty, knowing that he hadn’t showed the older man any of the appreciation that he should have. After all, the man had entirely deprioritised his entire life for his sake.

Quickly feeding Penny, Severide checked the fridge to see what he could offer Boden. He’d never quite got the hang of cooking, and it showed in his abilities. But Casey was an amazing cook. Severide didn’t know where his talents came from, but every dish the blonde had served him had him salivating and woofing it down.

But as good at cooking as the blonde was – and as much as Casey would claim that he didn’t mind – Severide had quickly worked out that he didn’t enjoy it. His talents and abilities had been built out of necessity, not passion, and while he enjoyed watching Severide’s reactions to the food – he preferred to sit with his boy and enjoy his company.

Severide also had a habit of snacking on the food in the fridge… which often ruined Casey’s meal plans. So, they always ended up ordering take away a lot more than they should.

Which was why he was pleasantly surprised when he found enough for a decent fry up.

The smell roused Boden, and the battalion Chief was soon sitting up as he rubbed at his eyes. He glanced over to Severide and did his best to give him a smile, even though it was tinged with sadness, “Morning, Kelly.”

Kelly just nodded back, trying his best to smile as well. He made quick work of plating up the food, collecting utensils from the draw as he moved back to Boden. He didn’t think that he would be able to talk without getting emotional, so he was thankful when Boden was content to eat in silence.

They’d almost finished the meal before he was finally ready to talk, and even then, he’d had to clear tears from his throat as he looked to his superior officer, “Thanks, Chief.”

Boden just nodded kindly, assessing Kelly as he tried to decide what to say. But Severide was already taking another breath, blushing as shame washed over him, “I’m sorry –”

Shaking his head, Boden cut him off, “No need to apologise, Kelly. None at all.”

The squad man sighed, leaning forwards and cradling his head in his hand as his eyes clouded with tears. He wasn’t going to cry again. He refused. He wanted to be brave now. But he couldn’t stop his throat from closing over as he tightened his jaw, looking up in an attempt to calm his tears.

“I’m terrified of losing him.”

The blunt honesty of his words had surprised even him. After all, he’d been hoping to control his fears, hoping to imply that he was alright to Boden – but he just hadn’t been able to help it. He was so worried, so worried and sick and tired of the entire ordeal.

But Boden seemed to understand, only surveying Kelly with compassionate eyes. He could hardly blame the younger man and would never fault him for his tears. He knew how much the blonde Captain meant to his Lieutenant – he always had. He never planned on letting his officers know it, but when they’d come out, he’d fought tooth and nail to keep them together. It was against CFD protocol to allow partners to work in the same house, and even though Severide and Casey had a strong track record of working together, the brass had wanted to separate them. But Boden had decided in that moment that promotion be damned, he was going to keep his officers together.

And he didn’t regret it for a moment.

He’d never regret doing the right thing, because there was no doubt in his mind that he had. But that didn’t mean that doing the right thing was fun, and he hated the next conversation he had to have.

There was no certainty that Casey would survive, let along come out of this without any complications. And he knew that Kelly knew that. There was no point in offering platitudes and Severide wouldn’t believe them if he tried.

So, he’d have to be bluntly honest, because putting this conversation off would only be regretted.

He moved closely to Kelly, kneeling down beside him and putting a firm hand to his shoulder. Severide seemed to sense that he wasn’t going to enjoy this conversation – who would enjoy a conversation about their boyfriend’s severe injuries? – but Boden persisted; “Kelly… I know. But Matt’s strong, and he isn’t going to let go without one hell of a fight.”

He let that sit for a moment, already feeling every bit as though he’d slapped Kelly across the face, “But even though Casey’s tough… Kelly, I think that it would be a good idea for the rest of the firehouse to see him. It doesn’t have to be long… and of course, it would be done so it’s safe for Matt… but I’m sure that they’d all like to see him…”

Kelly bit down the tears that Boden’s words had prompted, wishing that he didn’t exist in a world where this conversation was necessary.

But he did.

“You mean to say… goodbye?”

His voice broke with those words, and he put a hand to his face. Lightly, Boden put a supportive arm around him, though he didn’t tell Kelly that it was partially because his own heart was breaking, “To support him, Kelly… and to say what they need to say…”

Severide let out a rough sob as Boden held him tighter.

* * *

The hospital reported no changes when they arrived, and Severide tried to feel relief in that he could go straight to Casey. He wasn’t stupid. He knew what no changes meant; he knew that it was bad. Casey should be stabilising by now; he shouldn’t still be on the vent; his sats still shouldn’t be this low.

But he wasn’t, and they were.

And Kelly knew that every day he didn’t fight the vent, every day he didn’t improve, everyday Casey’s body failed to recover, it became less likely that he ever would.

And that hurt.

Still, Severide set in beside him, trying to maintain some sense of normalcy as he spoke to his precious blonde. He continued to recall the times they’d spent together, only trailing off when his emotions got too much. They had so many memories together – so many positive ones – that his emotions and love for the blonde just overwhelmed him. He loved Casey, he loved every part of his boy, his selflessness, his care, his subtle sense of humour… and he couldn’t lose him.

He spoke until his voice was hoarse, and his eyes were drooping from exhaustion. He would have rested his head on Casey’s bed, had he not been worried that he might hurt his boy. He still had no idea if his baby could feel pain – dammit, he should really research it – and he didn’t want to take that risk.

Suddenly afraid that reminiscing was becoming too morbid, Severide did his best to focus his attention on something else. He’d been aware of next to nothing since Casey’s accident, having only being going through the motions of life on autopilot, and that meant that he had nothing to tell Casey.

Nothing except Boden’s idea of…

No, he couldn’t manage that quite yet. Not without easing his boy into it.

Clearing his throat, he hastily wiped his tears away, “Penny misses you… she was looking for you this morning. God, she loves you, Casey. She loves you so much… she’s been amazing, by the way. You were right, cats are amazing… she’s so friendly, and caring. Whenever I’m crying, she comes straight to me, she rubs against me and makes me feel that little bit better.”

A jolt went through him as he realised his words, and he mentally slapped himself, quickly backtracking, “Not that I’m crying all the time, baby… I don’t want you to worry. Yes, I’m worried about you, but I also know that you’re gonna be perfectly fine… because you’re my Matty, and you’re always okay.”

He let out a breath, biting his lip, “And even though I know you’re going to be okay… everyone knows you’re going to be okay… Boden thought… we thought… that it might be a good idea for everyone to visit. So, they can talk to you, you know? Uh… because they all love you, baby… and they want to see you…”

He trailed off, throat burning so bad that he almost couldn’t manage his next words, “Uh… and baby… I don’t know what they’re gonna say. I don’t know what they’ll say to you, but… I don’t want you to be scared. If someone says… someone says… goodbye. Uh… I want you to know… it’s only because they love you, it’s only because they don’t know if you’re… uh… it’s only because they want to make sure you know it. Because they… they love you.”

“And I love you. I love you a lot. So much… I will always love you, baby. Always. No matter what.”


	9. Visit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Heads up, this chapter is a real tear-jerker! (at least, I hope) Took me a while to write, as I kept crying... I hope you find it as impactful as is intended.

Severide remained silent for a long time after that, too caught up in his inner turmoil. He watched Casey’s rhythmic breathing, trying just for a second to pretend that it was actually Matt taking those breaths, and not a machine on behalf of him. And he was almost successful, at least until Matt’s nurse entered, wearing a smile and carrying a tray of medical equipment.

She placed down the tray, quickly sorting out the tubes and a syringe. She had already noticed that Severide didn’t seem to be in the mood for conversation and she was content to work in silence as he scrutinised her every move. It was clear that she was good at her job, though, wiping down the cannula before pushing saline through the tube and inserting it with a practiced hand. She unwound it a bit further, before reaching down and taking a bag of IV fluids.

Which were white.

Kelly frowned, instantly thinking that it was the plastic itself that was white, but it wasn’t. The _fluids_ were.

He sat further upright, leaning forwards as he cleared his throat. Fortunately, the nurse seemed to be expecting his reaction, and she shot him an encouraging smile as she explained, “These are nutrients, sweetie. We can’t put anything in his stomach yet, so were feeding him intravenously. It looks strange, but they’re as safe as the saline that we’re giving him.”

Severide nodded, watching as she finished connecting up the bag. She pressed a couple of buttons on the pump, and Severide watched as the white liquid traveled down the clear tube. As soon as it hit Casey’s veins she pressed another button, slowing the flow, “This infusion should take two hours… it’s half a day’s worth of nutrients, so he’ll receive another transfusion later. There’s no reason to worry, Kelly… in fact, these should help stabilise him. He’s probably getting hungry now, after all. Do you have any questions?”

Kelly paused for a second, taking the time to process her words. He appreciated that she was still seeing Matt as a person, rather than reducing him to a case, a problem to be fixed. It made him feel a little bit better, even if he was aware that it didn’t actually change the situation.

“Is this… is this the normal treatment for… someone who’s unable to eat? You said you couldn’t put anything in his stomach… is that… uh…”

She nodded reassuringly, kind as she cut him off, “This is one of the treatments, yes. We call it total parenteral nutrition, or TPN. The alternative would be inserting a nasogastric tube, which would deliver nutrients straight to his stomach. We’re likely to put one of those in, but for now, the TPN is more appropriate.”

She had sounded reassuring, but Severide was well aware that there was more information. Why was this more appropriate? There had to be more to that decision. And even though he got the impression that he wouldn’t like the answer, he scrubbed a hand across his face as he raised his eyebrows, “Why?”

“Inserting the tube while Matt’s unconscious isn’t too difficult, but it can be mildly traumatic. Matt will be more well-equipped to cope with that in a few days. Additionally, he’s going to be taken back into surgery to close his chest and can’t have anything in his stomach… which includes the nutrients, and the tube itself. We’d be inserting one only to remove it.”

Kelly processed that, understanding how serious Matt’s condition was while appreciating how she’d attempted to sugar coat it. She certainly seemed to know her stuff, “Do we know when he’s going back into surgery?”

“Not yet, sweetie. We’re hoping that it’s soon… Doctor Rhodes is thinking in the next couple of days.”

Severide nodded, biting his lip as he leant forwards, running his fingers soothingly up Casey’s arm, “Okay… okay. Thanks… thank you.”

She nodded, smiling as she gathered the packaging from the procedure, “Do you have any other questions?”

Severide shook his head, already turning his attention back to Casey and resting one hand on his head, doing his very best to channel healing energy into the blonde.

* * *

The firehouse visited the next day, mood sombre as they filed into the ICU waiting room. Boden had pulled them all off rotation, having come to an agreement with the neighbouring firehouse. It hadn’t taken much, it seemed as though everyone in the CFD knew and loved Casey, and news of his injury had spread fast. And everyone seemed to be sympathetic, willing to assist Severide and firehouse fifty-one in ways Boden hadn’t expected but appreciated greatly.

Severide had gone home with Cruz the previous night, once again sleeping fitfully and waking up to Penny comforting him. Cruz had then done his best to help Severide get ready for the hospital, struggling to find the balance between sub-ordinate and caretaker. And Severide had been snappy, but Cruz would never fault his lieutenant for that.

He felt sick enough, and he couldn’t possibly imagine what it was like for Severide.

They’d both arrived at the hospital to learn that there had still been no changes overnight, and Cruz was glad that Boden had briefed him that _no changes_ was considered bad news. It had allowed him to clap Severide on the shoulder, sitting beside him in solidarity until the silver-haired man had been allowed to visit his blonde. Joe had then sat in the waiting room, head in his hands as the world moved around him.

When Otis had finally arrived, he’d all but fallen into his arms, needing comfort himself. As firefighters, they were used to being active, and the powerlessness in the situation was distressing. Boden had remained by his side in support for a few moments, before moving off to check on Severide – and to bring him back to the waiting room.

Because Kelly had already decided that he didn’t want to be in Casey’s room while the firehouse visited. As much as he hated leaving his blonde, even if only for a moment, he didn’t think that he’d be able to cope with it, and he didn’t think it would be fair. It wouldn’t be fair on his brothers, because they would no doubt find his presence uncomfortable, and that, in turn, wouldn’t be fair on Casey. Because he wouldn’t hear the words that he deserved to hear.

And he felt as though that would be a betrayal on so many levels.

It took a few minutes, but Boden eventually returned with Kelly. Aside from Cruz, no one had seen him since the accident, and they were all immediately concerned about their Squad Lieutenant. He looked awful, pale and tired, and it was clear that he’d been crying. As far as any of them could remember, they’d never seen Kelly cry, and that didn’t bode well for Casey’s condition.

Kelly only gave them a fleeting glance, not knowing how to respond to their sympathetic expressions. He slowly retreated to the corner of the room, holding back tears as he lowered himself to a seat. They all wearily watched as he wrapped his arms around himself, trying to gain some semblance of comfort.

Boden wearily watched him, before turning back to his firehouse family. Casey was only able to have two visitors at a time, so they’d already arranged themselves into groups. Something that Boden had been done with out their Chief’s intervention, Boden knowing that they all needed to be comfortable. Besides, now wasn’t a time for company divisions, Casey was everyone’s Captain.

Otis and Cruz went in first, awkwardly standing by Casey’s side. No matter how much thought they’d put into what to say to Casey, actually saying the words was proving to be difficult. They didn’t know how to start, and suddenly, saying goodbye to their Captain seemed disrespectful.

But, at the same time, not saying goodbye felt even more disrespectful. There was still a very real possibility that Casey wouldn’t be able to pull through, and if that happened… not thanking Casey for his years of leadership, not telling him how much they loved and respected him… felt like a crime.

Otis was the one to start speaking first, kneeling beside Casey and taking his hand. He gave it a squeeze, before taking a breath, “Hey, Casey… Captain.”

He stopped, drawing a shuddering breath. He knew that this was going to be hard, but he also knew how much he’d regret it if he didn’t utter his words, “Matt. I hope that you know… how much we all love you. How much you mean to all of us… you’ve inspired us all, to be better, to work harder. And I can never thank you enough for it.”

He took another breath. When he’d first started brainstorming what to say, he’d thought that it would be selfish to talk about himself. But now that he was speaking, he realised that he sounded too impersonal, “You’ve changed my life for the better, Casey… it’s been an honour working under you all these years… driving you to accidents. You deserve the very best, Matt, because you are the best… and I don’t say that lightly. You are incredible, Matt, and I’m so glad that I know you… that I met you. I know that… that you’re probably going to the place above… but you’ll live on… you’ll live on through all of us, and we’ll… never forget you.”

Breaking off there, Otis bit his lip. He hoped that Casey wouldn’t be able to tell that there were tears running down his face, he didn’t want that to be the last interaction he had with his Captain. Instead, he just clasped his hand tighter, hoping his voice sounded strong as he whispered, “Goodbye, Casey.”

They sat in silence for a few minutes, before Cruz stepped forwards, putting a hand to Casey’s shoulder. His voice was soft as he largely repeated Otis’ sentiment, recalling how much Casey had inspired him over the years, not only to be a better firefighter, but to be a better person. Because Casey had, Casey had inspired them all.

When he realised that tears were about to overwhelm him, he decided to finish up. He leant in closer, giving Casey’s shoulder a firm squeeze, “You’re our brother, Casey… and you always will be. We’ll always miss you… and… and I promise to be there for Severide. I promise to support him, he’s not going to be alone… not for a second. We love you, Casey… we all do.”

Knowing that their time with Casey was coming to an end, they spent a few more minutes standing in silence, hoping that Casey was able to feel their support and love. There was nothing worse than the idea of him leaving this world worried and scared, and they both hoped that they’d done something to alleviate it.

Mouch went in next, standing in silence beside his Captain with a single hand on his shoulder. Casey may have only been his superior officer for part of his career, but it was an important part. Because he’d learnt so much from Casey about being a good person, about the right reasons for serving as they did. He would say without a doubt that he’d learnt more from Casey than any of his other officers, which was rare at the advanced stage of his career.

After standing for a while, he leant down, words near silent as he whispered them into Casey’s ear. He wasn’t going to say goodbye, because he still held hope that Casey would pull through, and he hoped that his words would help him.

After Mouch left, a silent Stella entered. It was unusual to see her so quiet, so reserved and unsure of herself. She was far from her usual outgoing personality as she knelt beside Casey, taking his hand, lips moving in a silent prayer. She prayed for his health, first. Prayed that he would recover, that he’d come back to them, that he’d be able to live a pain free and happy life. Even if he never returned as their Captain… that Casey would be happy and comfortable, content with any existence he was given.

And then she prayed for his passing, that if he really was going to die, that his death would be painless, and that he’d slip away without suffering. She prayed that he’d be welcomed into heaven, and that he’d be looked after, and find those that he loved. She prayed that he’d be happy and would feel accepted.

And that his suffering was over.

She knelt beside him until her knees were aching, and then she stood, giving Casey’s hand a final squeeze before heading back out to the waiting room, using everything she had to hold back her tears.

Herrmann opted to go in next, hands buried deep in his pockets. He’d had a lot to think about since Boden had informed them they’d be visiting, and he’d been immensely grateful for Cindy’s support. With her help, he’d managed to decide exactly what to say, exactly what he thought Casey needed to hear. At first, he’d wanted to tell Casey goodbye, tell Casey exactly how much he’d meant to him, how blessed he’d been to know him. But it had seemed too morbid, and Chris – along with Cindy – believed that Casey would still be able to hear him if he had to say it later. No, right now, he believed that Casey needed encouragement.

And he could think of one way to give that to him.

Slipping into the room, he moved across to Casey, doing his very best to not be shocked at the blonde’s state. He’d known it would be bad, but seeing the blonde relying on a vent to breathe… was shocking.

Taking a calming breath, Herrmann reached out and took Casey’s good hand, gently opening it, before pushing the tiny black box into his palm. Just as softly, he closed his fingers around it, securing both his hands around Casey’s so the blonde would be holding it. Casey might not be able to see, but Chris hoped that he’d be able to identify the box from feel alone, “Hey Captain… I think this might be yours… think you might’ve dropped it.”

Despite himself, he found himself smiling, hoping that Casey could understand him, “Don’t worry – Kelly doesn’t know about it, yet. And I promise not to tell him, cause you’re going to do it, Matt… when you wake up, Kelly will be sitting by your side, and when you ask… I’m certain that he’ll say yes.”

He tightened his grip for a fraction of a second, before leaning down, “And Casey… if you… don’t get to ask. I will give it to Kelly. And Cindy and I will be there… not that it will be needed. Because I know you, Matt, and I know that you’re going to wake up. You’ll wake up, and be back at fifty-one running us through drills before long, and Severide will say yes, and Molly’s will be available for the reception or whatever you want it for… we all love and support you, Matt. Always.”

He continued to hold the box in Casey’s hand for a few more minutes, before leaning down, “I’ll keep it safe, Matt… I’ll keep it safe and a secret. And when you’re ready for it, I’ll give it back…”

Slowly, he unfurled Casey’s fingers, taking the box and tucking it back into his pocket.

Capp and Tony were the next ones in, both standing beside Casey’s bed in silence. Capp had been hoping to do what he did best – make jokes – but now it just didn’t seem appropriate. The emotion was too much for him, and he stood beside Tony as he silently wept. The casual onlooker might not have thought that they were close to their Captain, but fifty-ones comradery went a lot further than most realised.

Both squad members did their best to wipe away their tears before heading back to the waiting room, nodding to the two paramedics next in line. The duo moved slowly, holding onto each other as they entered Casey’s suite. Every member of fifty-one had – at some point – wondered if there was more they could have done, something that could have saved Casey, increased his chances of survival, but the paramedics had suffered the worst. They’d been the ones who had watched Casey deteriorate, and had been the ones who’d understood how serious Casey’s condition had been. And while everyone had played a part in Casey’s extraction, they’d been the only ones directly touching him for an extended period of time… and no amount of training could make them feel less responsible.

Realistically, everyone knew that they were incredible paramedics, and had done all they could, but the paramedics couldn’t help but feel that… if Casey didn’t survive, that it would be their fault. That they hadn’t done enough, and that they could have done _something_ in the ambo to save him. Maybe picked up on the cardiac tamponade earlier… or maybe stopping the ambulance and trying to treat it themselves… or something… had they done too many rescue breaths, not enough… she just didn’t know.

And as soon as they laid eyes on Casey, his awful appearance only escalated the feeling. The firefighters weren’t dumb, by any means, but they knew an awful lot more about extraction gear than hospital equipment. They likely didn’t understand the magnitude of the equipment Casey was on, and what it said about the severity of his condition. But Brett and Foster had understood immediately, standing beside him with a supportive hand on his good arm.

They’d both tried to dispel those thoughts as they took turns in speaking, telling Casey how much he meant to them, how important he was, how kind, and caring, and honourable. It was a struggle to remain positive, but both managed to hold back their tears.

“And Casey… Matt… we did our best. We tried as hard as we could… but if… if we made a mistake, and if that mistake is going to cost you your life… we’re sorry. We’re so sorry we couldn’t do more, Matt. We’re sorry that we weren’t the best… you deserved better Matt. You really did.”

Brett had surprised herself with her own words, but they were the truth, and they weren’t going to keep them from him. She felt Foster put a supportive hand to her shoulder as she continued, “Heaven will be a better place with you in it, Matt Casey… it truly will.”

And then, it was Boden’s turn to visit the blonde. For a man who was well adept at making heartfelt speeches, Boden said very little, preferring to support his Captain with a simple hand on his shoulder. He strongly believed that Casey would be able to feel his presence, his love, without many words.


	10. Surgery

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry that this update is so late! Been a little overwhelmed with the COVID situation in Victoria. But here we go :)

Severide returned to Casey’s side before the firehouse even had the chance to leave, unable to handle the waiting room any longer. The atmosphere was just so morbid, so heartbreaking, and he couldn’t stand seeing his brothers so damn sad. Because he knew that they were sad because they truly believed that Casey was going to –

He couldn’t think about that. Not yet. He still couldn’t think about life without his Casey. And the mere thought that his brothers had said goodbye… not that he could fault them for it, but just _knowing_ that Casey had heard them saying their farewells, that Casey might think that things were over, that he might believe that this was it…

And that he was going to be the last one to say it.

Needing to calm his thoughts, Severide let out a shaky breath, running his hand through Casey’s short blonde strands. He leant down, placing a gentle kiss to his forehead, before taking his good hand and settling at his side.

“Hey, baby… I hope that was okay for you. I hope that you liked hearing everyone… uh… that you enjoyed the visit. I know that everyone enjoyed seeing you… cause you really do mean a lot to them, baby… you do. I know that you sometimes struggle to see it, but everyone loves you, Matty… you’re really special to a whole lot of people.”

He let out a sob, scrubbing a hand across his eyes. He wasn’t helping Casey, nor was he helping himself, “Sorry, baby… didn’t mean to sound so down… I love you, baby… I love you, lots and lots.”

* * *

Visiting hours were almost over when Rhodes entered the room, putting on a calming smile as Kelly jumped to his feet. The cardiothoracic surgeon was glad that he finally had something resembling good news to give the Squad Lieutenant – not great news, but good news.

“Kelly, we’ve been watching Casey’s vitals closely for the entire day, and we’re optimistic that he’s strong enough for surgery.”

His words had been blunt, he knew it, but Kelly didn’t need nor appreciate platitudes. Being direct was the best, especially when Kelly was already so conflicted and confused.

“They… his vitals have changed? They’re improving? He’s getting better?” To Kelly’s ears, his voice had seemed too loud for the room, but Rhodes had strained to hear him.

“Honestly, Kelly… his vitals haven’t improved, and they’re not as strong as we’d like, but they are holding. It’s more that I’m confident that the patches in Matt’s heart are holding, and I would like to close his chest. Closing his chest will reduce his chance of infection, and I think that it’s his best chance of stabilising. The surgery is never without its risks… but we have a highly trained team ready.”

Severide took a moment to process Rhodes’ words – but he wasn’t stupid, and the unsaid message hit him like a ton of bricks. _Casey’s not recovering as well as we’d like, and this is his best – and final – chance._

But whether the situation was dismal or not, Severide realised that he had to keep moving. He didn’t have the control he wanted in this situation, and all he could do was listen to the doctors. After all, Casey had an entire team of professionals looking after him, and Severide did trust them.

That didn’t stop him from grilling Rhodes, though, trying to work out exactly what the surgery entailed. Almost all of it went over his head, but Connor was more than happy to explain it all to Kelly. He knew that the firefighter needed solid answers, needed something constant, and he was more than happy to give it to him. To help him feel a little less out of control in the world.

“When are you taking him in?”

That was the one question that Rhodes had been dreading, knowing that Kelly wouldn’t like the answer, “Tonight, Kelly… I want to start prepping him. I don’t see any benefit in waiting –”

“Wait, you want to take him in now? Right now? But… uh, it’s late… aren’t you tired?”

Despite himself, Connor smiled at Kelly’s question. He wasn’t in the least bit offended; it was a fair question. And there was no way that he’d attempt a surgery this arduous when he wasn’t at his best, “I’ve just started my shift, Kelly. Pulled the night shift. I’m well rested, and I’m going to have one of my fellows in with me. Casey’s in excellent hands – his entire team will be fresh. He’s also got some of the best in their fields looking after him, he’s got two anaesthetists, and an entire emergency team in case something goes wrong. He’s in very good hands, Kelly… we will do everything to keep him safe.”

* * *

Two nurses silently moved around Casey’s inert form, carefully attaching him to portable monitors. Rhodes stood in the corner of the room, keeping a watchful eye on the proceedings, but doing his best to give Kelly some privacy. The squad man in question was kneeling beside Casey’s bed, head bowed, holding his good hand in both of his. It had been under an hour since Rhodes had spoken to him, and things had moved quickly since.

First, they’d taken a sample of Casey’s blood, running a CBC, checking his heart function, as well as testing it against the drugs he was to be given during surgery. There was no reason to believe that Casey was going to have a reaction – and Rhodes already knew the results of his previous CBCs – but there was security in redoing the tests. They couldn’t be too safe, at this point, and Severide had readily agreed to all the tests.

They’d then run an extensive ECG, and a neurologist had reviewed Casey’s EEG. They’d done an echocardiogram, and Connor had felt his femoral and brachial pulses, assessing the strength of his heart. Casey’s intercranial pressure was still within acceptable ranges, and his oxygen sats hadn’t dipped – Casey’s body was still oxygenating well with the support of the vent. 

None of the tests had been invasive, so they’d allowed Severide to remain in the room the entire time. And he’d watched each procedure like a hawk, standing by Casey and rubbing his arm when he wasn’t in the way, soothing him and reassuring him that everything was okay. He couldn’t imagine how scared the blonde would be if he was understanding what was going on around him, and he was eager to give him some comfort.

Finally, Doctor Rhodes had authorised the surgery, once again explaining the details to Kelly as he signed the consent forms. Kelly was nauseous, but he knew that he was doing all he could for his boy.

The nurses had then entered, wheeling in the portable monitors. The majority of the machines in the ICU were permanent, and Casey would be hooked back up to the monitors once he was in the operating room. But he needed to be monitored even for the short duration to the OR, and every machine needed to be swapped. The process wasn’t too difficult, nor dangerous, but it was still best to be quick and succinct. That way, they wouldn’t miss anything and there would be no nasty surprises during surgery.

Kelly had been mindful of getting in the nurses’ way, but he’d still remained close by Casey’s side. He didn’t want to let go of his boy for a moment, because if this really was the last time he saw his baby alive… well, he just couldn’t bear to think of that.

He wasn’t even aware of what he was saying anymore, just mumbling words of comfort against Casey’s side. Matt’s expression hadn’t changed once, eyes still peacefully closed as the vent dwarfed his face, still unbelievably pale. Seeing him so unreactive was frightening, and Kelly was far closer to tears than he wanted to admit. But he was still desperate to hold on; he’d have plenty of time to cry while Casey was in surgery.

Because there was no way that they’d be able to remove him from the hospital until his blonde was out of surgery. They had already decided that they were going to allow Severide to remain in the OR waiting room, because pulling him away at this point would just be cruel. Cruz had already agreed to stay with him, he didn’t need to see Severide to know how hard the man would be taking it, and he was willing to support his Lieutenant in every way possible.

Back in Casey’s room, the nurses had finished transferring Casey’s monitors, and the blonde was ready to be transported. Connor said as much, and then stepped out to give Kelly a moment.

Severide was totally overwhelmed, inspecting every inch of his boy. Casey was so bruised, so hurt, but he still thought his boy was perfect. He just thought that he was beautiful, and that he was the most incredible man in the world. He couldn’t believe that he’d been lucky enough to meet him, just like he couldn’t believe that Casey was as perfect as he was. Casey had so many opportunities in his life to become bitter, but he hadn’t. He was still an incredible, upstanding man, and Severide truly believed that it would never change.

But he didn’t know how to say all of it. He didn’t know how he could manage it, not without breaking down, not without speaking for hours. He had no idea what he could ever say to give his thoughts justice. He just loved Casey far too much, and he didn’t think that it was even possible to think of the right words.

But he knew that Casey needed to go into surgery, and that his time with him was now limited. The quicker they got Matt into the OR the better, and he knew that Casey was already on the boarder of being not well enough for surgery. He didn’t want Matt’s condition to deteriorate, and for his surgery to be put off.

No, no matter how scared he was, he knew that this was for the best.

He leant down, placing a firm kiss to Casey’s forehead before sitting back up, inspecting his face, his closed eyes, and gently stroking his cheek, “Hey, baby Matty… my precious, precious Matty. I love you. I love you more than life, more than firefighting… more than I ever thought possible. I’ve honestly never felt love like this before Matt – not for a person, and not _from_ a person. Because you really do make me feel so loved, Matty. So, so loved. And so special. And I hope that I do the same for you, baby. I hope that I make you feel as special as you are every single day.”

“And I know that you might be scared, Matty. I know that this probably feels alien, and it probably feels like everything’s out of control. But you’re in really good hands, baby. You’ve got the best doctors Matty. The best ones. And they’re gonna do really well… so I understand if you’re a bit scared, I’m a bit scared too, but you’re gonna do fine, baby… you’re gonna do fine.”

“Because you’re the best, Matty baby… you’re just the best.”

Kelly kissed Casey on the forehead, aware that Rhodes was now standing in the doorway. He knew that Casey had to go into surgery, and no amount of wishing could change that. He leant down again, pressing a final kiss to his forehead, before nodding to the orderlies.

They made quick work of unlocking the breaks, once again checking that Casey was ready to be moved. They then wheeled him out to the hallway, Kelly following closely. He was barely aware of Cruz coming up beside him, his entire focus being taken by his boy as he was wheeled away. With every step the orderlies took, Severide felt as though his heart was being torn further and further out. He felt as though Casey was disappearing, as though his blonde’s warmth was fading.

He didn’t even realise that he’d been staring at the empty hallway, incapacitated, until he felt a warm hand touch his arm. He jumped, whipping around, almost shocked when he realised that it was just Cruz. He had honestly forgotten that his right-hand man was there, but now he just had no idea what to do.

“Lieutenant. Let’s go and sit down.”

Severide took a moment to process Cruz’s words, grateful that his subordinate was ordering him around. He really didn’t feel capable of doing much himself, and was glad when Cruz gripped his arm and steered him to the OR waiting room, "We'll get through this, Lieutenant."


	11. Stress

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things have got hectic in my life! Have had to change how my job works entirely... which is fine, of course, but struggling to remain motivated to write! Ah well, got back to it in the last couple of days, but I'm sorry for the wait!
> 
> I hope you enjoy :)

Two hours had passed since Casey had gone into surgery, and Severide was well past the point of functioning. Cruz had barely managed to get him back to the OR waiting room before he’d collapsed, and he’d then allowed the Squad Lieutenant to weep bitterly into his shoulder.

After finding out that Casey was going back into surgery, Cruz had promised himself that he’d do everything eh possibly could to be there for Severide, and that nothing would be out of the question. He was telling himself over and over again that he was prepared to see his fearless leader at his most weak and vulnerable, no matter how hard he knew that he’d find it. Because he knew that he’d find it hard; no one had ever seen Kelly coming close to falling apart.

He was drawn from his reverie as he felt Kelly shift against his shoulder, and he watched from the corner of his eye as the Squad Lieutenant leant forwards, resting his elbows on his knees and cradling his head in his hands. Cruz hated the fact that nothing he could possibly say would offer any comfort to his superior officer; Severide was deep into his world of pain. It physically hurt him to see Severide like this; and he couldn’t possibly imagine what the Squad Lieutenant was thinking.

Everyone in the house knew how important they were to each other. The rest of the firehouse had other family; whether they were still lucky enough to have their birth families, or whether they’d formed ones of their own. But they all knew that Severide and Casey only had each other. Well, they also had the rest of their firehouse family – as they all did – but Cruz was well aware that their position as officers in the firehouse put them in an awkward position. He knew that Casey especially felt the need to distance himself – the young Captain always had – and Cruz now regretted it. He wished that he’d encouraged Casey more, that he’d tried to get through to him…

And he vowed to work on it, as soon as Casey was better.

He just ignored the fact that recovery might never happen. 

Because for now, all he could do was support Kelly, and try to be there for him in this hard time. But he wasn’t even doing a good job of that. It was nearly impossible, after all, and he felt foolish as he patted Severide on the shoulder, “How are you doing, Lieutenant?”

It was a stupid question, he knew it, and he felt ashamed as Severide jumped in shock, the grey-haired man staring at him with wide eyes. Severide had all but forgotten that Cruz was there. Well, he did _know_ that Cruz was there, but he was so stressed that he hadn’t really registered that Cruz was still a person with his own thoughts, not just a mere support.

Guilt flooded him, and he hoped that he wasn’t a bad person.

Cruz was still watching him, and it and it slowly dawned on Kelly that he was waiting for a response. Briefly, he considered that he should be embarrassed for his behaviour, but he just didn’t have it in him to be self-conscious. He also didn’t have it in him to give Cruz a proper answer, so he just dropped his gaze as he marginally shook his head.

Which had left Cruz reeling, cold pit in his stomach growing as he watched Kelly drop his head back to his hands. The Squad Lieutenant was now taking the slow, calming breaths that they used to ward off panic in a fire. It was clear evidence of how stressed he was becoming, and suddenly, Cruz was frightened. Even if a good cry was just what his Lieutenant needed, the young squad member just wasn’t yet ready to see it happen.

Cursing himself for his weakness, Cruz searched for something to say. He needed to distract Severide, and in the stress of the moment, the only thing he could think of was Penny.

He’d already returned to Severide and Casey’s apartment to feet her, and the little kitten hadn’t been in the least bit interested in letting him anywhere near her. The second she had clocked that he wasn’t Severide, she had made a mad dash for the gap under the cupboards. Cruz had then watched in mild fascination as her nose had re-appeared, the little kitten evidently unaware that he could still see her. He’d allowed himself a smile at that, and had desperately tried not to let the gravity of the situation get to him as he dished up the kitten’s meal. In hindsight, he’d probably overfed her, but he’d been too distracted with his thoughts.

And he still wasn’t thinking clearly as he drew in a breath, eyes half-unfocussed as he surveyed Severide, “Hey, Lieutenant. I fed Penny. She looks like a great cat,”

No sooner had the words left his lips, Joe slapped himself. Kelly would think he was an idiot. Who made stupid observations about their superior officer’s cat while their husband was in life saving surgery?

So, he was presently surprised when Kelly nodded, wiping at his eyes as he drew in a shaky breath, “Yeah, she is. She’s amazing.”

Understanding that Severide had appreciated the distraction, Cruz nodded, “When did you adopt her?”

After a moment of consideration, Severide leant back, taking a deep breath and peering at Cruz through the corner of his eye, “Few months ago. Casey picked her out… she was tiny, the runt… and she’d been abused. So, of course he picked her… he was worried that no one else would want her, and he just wanted to give her a loving home…”

The implications of Severide’s words hit Cruz like a ton of bricks, and he did his best to ignore them. His Lieutenant wasn’t in his right state of mind, and he was hardly in control of his words. So, he just nodded, doing his best to give him a smile, “Well, she’s definitely found one… with you and Matt, I mean.”

Severide only nodded, wiping the tears that were cascading down his face away. He knew that Penny had found an amazing home; Casey would always be the most amazing owner. The blonde man spent so much time making sure that she was comfortable, that she was happy and purring, that she was warm and cosy. He looked after her day in and out, always made sure she had food, and was always patient with her.

Because his blonde was just the most amazing person. And Casey always would be. He was so kind, so understanding… towards everyone, even those who didn’t deserve it.

Kelly had once again started his breathing exercises, face turning redder and ruddier in colour as he tried to control his panic. Still unprepared to see his superior officer in tears, Cruz nodded, “She looked very happy, Lieutenant. I noticed the scratching post in the corner… did Casey build her that?”

Taking a few gasping breaths, Severide nodded, doing everything in his power to hold himself together as he responded; “Yeah, entirely from scraps… Penny loves it. When it’s just Casey and I, she runs up and down it… tackles the dangly bits…”

Cruz watched as Kelly swallowed desperately, the man doing his best to cover his tears, “She keeps ripping them off, she obviously thinks she’s hunting… so Casey just keeps replacing them…”

He broke off there, a guttural cry leaving his throat as he lost control of his tears, no longer able to hide them. Cruz thought for a second before reaching over, gripping his Lieutenant’s shoulders firmly and pulling him in for a tight hug. For the briefest, _briefest_ moment, Severide resisted, before the full weight of his body collapsed against Cruz. He fell against his shoulder, violent sobs starting to bubble up his throat.

“He d-does everything for her… he – he does everything for everyone… he just tries so, so hard and he always does what’s right… no matter what it means for him…”

Having no idea what to say – but knowing that Severide was completely right – Cruz just gripped his Lieutenant tighter, desperately hoping that Severide felt even vaguely supported as he continued heaving in desperate breaths.

“I-I can’t l-lose him…. I c-can’t lose my Matty.”

Cruz’s heart broke, and he battled back tears of his own. He slowly started to rock the man, rubbing his back in the most soothing matter possible, “You won’t lose him, Lieutenant… he’ll pull through… you’ll see…”

Cruz held him for what felt like forever, muttering his reassurances like a mantra. He continued to rock his Lieutenant, waiting patiently until Severide was ready to pull away.

Eventually, Severide pulled back, still taking in desperate puffs of oxygen. Cruz was quick to lean forwards, resting one hand on Severide’s knee as he gently instructed him to bring his breathing under control. When he finally spoke, his voice was utterly wrecked, barely comprehensible, “You can’t know that… you don’t know if he’ll be okay.”

“You’re right, I don’t… but I also know that he’s Casey… and Casey’s the strongest man I know.”

At that, Kelly lost control again, bursting into another round of ugly and violent sobs. This time Cruz didn’t pause before leaning over, wrapping his arms around his leader’s shoulders as he pulled him in tight. He couldn’t even begin to imagine the pain; the pain of not knowing if a loved one was going to be alright, the pain of knowing that a loved one was in so much pain, “I’m so sorry, Kelly… I’m so sorry…”

Severide continued to sob in his arms, gripping his subordinate for support. And as much as it all broke Cruz’s heart, he knew that he was finally doing the right thing, “I’ve got you, Kelly… I’m sorry and I’ve got you.”

Kelly was unable to take a breath in as he managed his next words, “I – I love him. He’s s-so amazing… I don’t think anyone realises. Not the full extent, anyway… I just love him so much.”

Cruz had never heard his Lieutenant vulnerable like that, and his urge to comfort him overtook all logic, “We all think he’s amazing, Lieutenant… we all know how special he is. Really. We do see it, every day…”

But Severide shook his head, his own emotional turmoil overcoming his usual restraint when it came to talking about Casey, “No, you don’t… no one even knows the half of it… you have no idea how much he’s actually been through, because he never lets it get in the way of him being a good person…”

Aware that his Lieutenant had once again lost his filter, Cruz weighed his options up. On one hand, it would be good to let Severide get everything off his chest. But on the other… he didn’t want Kelly saying something that he’d regret later.

“I do think we all have an idea, Kelly… we don’t know anything, I’m sure. But we all have an idea… and maybe we don’t show it enough – I’m sorry about that – but we all know how strong he is.”

“He’s stronger than you’ll ever know… he’s probably stronger than even _I_ know… he’s been through so much… and god, he’s still so, so amazing…” his words had become less and less coherent, thoughts now sparling out of control, “God… I don’t know fi I could ever get over that level abuse… I don’t even think that I’d come close… and there he is, being an upstanding member of society…”

Cruz’s heart went out to him, and he could only grip Severide tighter as another round of sobs overtook the delicate man. The situation was just so miserable; everything was so damn wrong, and nothing could possibly help it.

* * *

Wallace Boden was quiet as he entered the OR waiting room, quickly scanning the rows of chairs for his two squad members. He almost didn’t see them, because Cruz was still gripping Severide so tightly that they looked like one person.

Boden had been beyond surprised when he’d received the text message from Joe, Casey’s surgery having come seemingly without any warning. He doubted that anyone had foreseen it coming, and he didn’t know what to think about that. On one hand; he understood that the surgery was good, and that it needed to be done eventually. On the other; he knew that Casey wasn’t even strong enough to breathe without the vent.

He was slow and careful as he made his way over to his subordinates, giving Cruz a sad smile when the man shifted. As he got closer, he realised that Severide was asleep, being held up only by Cruz. He smiled at that. To say that he was impressed with Cruz was an understatement; the man had been so willing to go out of his comfort zone to support his Lieutenant, and it spoke volumes about the bonds that had formed in his firehouse. He was proud of that; he always would be. Moments like this – even a single moment – told him that no matter how much headquarters frowned upon his management style, no matter how often it caused him issues, it had all been worth it.

“He exhausted himself earlier… thought it was better to let him sleep.”

Boden nodded at that, he agreed completely. There was absolutely no need to wake the man before it was necessary. He was running of zero sleep as it was, and it would only be extending his pain.

Remaining as quiet as possible, Boden settled in the seat beside Severide, carefully leading him so that he was leaning against his shoulder. He heard Cruz’s quiet sigh of relief, the man shaking his arms to regain blood circulation.

And then, they continued to wait, Cruz and Boden painfully aware of every moment that passed. Severide had woken up at one point, Boden supporting him as another round of sobs hit him. He had then slipped back into his minimally responsive state, only drawn from his thoughts when the door opened.

Revealing a haggard looking Doctor Rhodes.


	12. Nausea

Severide stood immediately, gripping Boden’s shoulder as his world spun around him. His legs collapsed underneath him – he’d evidently been sitting for far too long – and Severide winced as Boden’s fingers dug into his shoulders, wrenching him upright to prevent him from falling. But none of that stopped him moving towards Connor Rhodes, eyes full of fear as he took in his appearance. A fresh wave of terror washed over him, and he prayed for good news.

“The surgery was successful. He’s in the PACU – he’ll be moved back to the ICU when he’s ready.”

Kelly faltered, unsure if he’d heard Rhodes’ words correctly, “Huh?”

Rhodes gave him an encouraging smile, though the exhaustion was still evident behind his eyes, “Matt’s surgery went well, Kelly. We’re keeping him in the PACU for now, but he’ll then be moved back to his ICU suite. It’s good news.”

Still unable to process Connor’s words, Severide just gaped at the man. It was at that point that he realised that he simply hadn’t been expecting good news. He didn’t think that he’d expected Casey to die, but there was no way that he’d thought that the surgery would go _well._ He’d been far too afraid to even think that it was a possibility, and it felt like a dream that it had come true.

“He’s… he’s okay? He made it? You… you did it?”

Rhodes was patient as he nodded, understanding Kelly’s disorientation, “Yes. He coped with the anaesthesia well, Kelly, he went very well throughout the surgery. I’m happy with his heart, and I closed his chest. Ortho even looked at his arm and pinned it. There were no complications, and he’s going as well as we could possibly hope.”

Severide was still for another moment – utterly frozen – before he was lurching forwards, a wave of nausea overcoming him as he emptied his stomach. Boden’s firm hand was still gripping his shoulder, helping him keep his balance, and he felt another hand land on his back as he continued to violently wretch. It didn’t take long for him to just be spitting up bile, having only eaten minimal food for the past couple of days, stomach muscles working overtime as Kelly continued to heave.

Boden’s mellow voice filled his ears, and after a short while, the fire Chief was able to bring his Lieutenant under control. Kelly was left breathless, stomach still uncomfortable as he blinked away tears and looked up.

His first realisation was that Rhodes looked worried; the doctor having been the one to rub his back. His second realisation; was that he’d just thrown up on Connor’s shoes.

“Fuck, Connor, I’m sorry –”

But Rhodes was already shaking his head, lightly supporting Kelly’s arm as he started to straighten up, “Don’t worry about it, Kelly. I’ve had worse.”

“No… no, fuck. I’m sorry… I didn’t mean… you just saved Matty… I didn’t…” Severide’s words continued to bubble from his throat as his body went into a panic, the stress of the last surgery having already watered down his defences. He took another hitching breath as Boden rubbed his shoulder, and squeezed his eyes shut as his head spun.

Connor’s hand returned to his shoulder, softly squeezing and keeping his voice calm as he gently coached Severide, “Kelly… Kelly, listen to me. Take a deep breath in… and out… and another in… that’s it… out. And in… keep going, Kelly. Keep going.”

Slowly, his breathing was once again brought under control, and Kelly wiped at his eyes. He was just about to wipe his nose with his sleeve when a paper towel was pushed in front of his face, a young nurse giving him a kind smile. He took it without thanking her, blowing his nose and taking a calming breath, “Can I see him? Please?”

Rhodes nodded from where he was wiping down his shoes, still wanting to keep Severide calm, “When he’s back in the ICU, yes, I’ll allow you to see him –”

“And when will that be?”

He didn’t care how callous he’d sounded, his exhaustion quickly catching up to him. He knew that he was still somewhat in denial, and coupled with his tiredness, headache and embarrassment from throwing up he was quickly approaching his limit. Again.

By some blessing, Connor’s voice remained completely patient, even as it developed a slight edge to it, “Hopefully within the hour, Kelly. We just need to keep Matt in the PACU for a little longer to give him the best possible care. Then you can see him, even though visiting hours are over.”

Some part of Kelly’s mind processed that he was now pushing his luck, let alone being rude. It wasn’t Rhodes’ fault that he couldn’t yet visit Casey, and it was unfair that he was taking his frustrations out on the man. So, despite wanting nothing more than to see his boy, he conceded and agreed to wait. Both Boden and Cruz had remained at his side the entire time, and they took the cue to gently lead him back to their seats.

* * *

“Kelly… Kelly, hey… Severide, wake up…”

Severide jolted awake at Boden’s voice, blinking tiredly as he tried to ignore the pain in his head. He wasn’t entirely sure where he was, but he knew that his headache had come from a severe lack of sleep, because…

“Casey!?”

He jerked forwards, remembering why he felt so disorientated. Casey had been in surgery. Casey had _survived_ the surgery. The blonde had then been in the PACU, and Kelly had needed to wait to see him. He had remembered Boden and Cruz leading him back to the seats, but he hadn’t remembered falling asleep, one of Boden’s arms wrapped around him for security.

Wide eyes frantically searched the room, fixing on Connor’s form. The man looked as tired as before, but he was giving him an encouraging smile, “He’s doing well, Kelly… he’s in the ICU now. If you want to come with me, you can see him…”

He didn’t need to be asked twice. Severide was on his feet withing seconds, almost stumbling into Connor’s arms. The doctor had been quick and gracious as he’d caught him, though, making sure the Squad Lieutenant didn’t fall.

Kelly hadn’t been capable of any speech as he’d trailed after Connor Rhodes, eyes fixed on the floor as his thoughts had continued to bang around his head. Momentarily, he processed that the cardiothoracic surgeon was wearing some strange footwear – not that there was anything wrong with pink and blue runners – he’d had a pair himself in the academy, they simply weren’t Connor’s style – but before he had a chance to say anything, Connor had stopped outside of Casey’s bay. Severide was slightly surprised that he hadn’t even realised that they were approaching it, but he’d been so lost in his mind.

He turned towards the bay, eager to see his boy through the glass. But before he had the opportunity to take in the sight, Connor had lightly stepped in front of him, catching his gaze with a serious and sympathetic expression, “He’s still intubated, Kelly… still relying on the vent to breathe. He’s quite pale and we’ve given him another transfusion, but don’t worry too much about that, he’s taking it well. Try not to touch his chest area, even through the bandages, but I’m sure that you already knew that… oh, and his right arm is in a plaster cast, now. You can touch his hand; it should be okay.”

Severide nodded, appreciating the doctor’s efforts to prepare him. Still, he felt as though he could barely breathe as he opened the sliding glass door, the room ice cold as he approached Matt’s bed.

And even though he’d only seen him a couple of hours before, and Casey didn’t look all that different, he couldn’t stop the slight gasp at seeing his boy. Matt was still so pale, the bruises on his face still an alarming contrast. The vent was still daunting, and so were the tubes, but Severide just forced himself to take a breath.

Matt was still here; Matt was still fighting.

Slowly, he moved to his side, smiling gently at Matt’s peaceful face. Because the blonde _did_ look peaceful, ultimately, and that gave Kelly some comfort.

He skimmed his fingers up and down Casey’s good arm for a moment, knowing that his boy would be needing his comfort. And while Casey might usually prefer a full-bodied hug, complete with gentle rocking and feather light kisses to his neck, Severide knew that this was the next best thing, “Hey… hey, baby. Well done. You did it… just like I knew you would… you did so, so well, baby… and I’m so proud of you…”

He wiped the tears from his eyes, before bending down and placing a tender kiss to Casey’s cool forehead, “I can’t stay for long, right now, baby… and I know that you probably feel pretty funny, but don’t worry, that’s just the drugs, you’ll feel better soon… but for now, sleep, baby. Get some rest, and I’ll be back in the morning.”

He gently brushed away Casey’s fringe, before once again bending down and placing a firm kiss to his forehead. Emotion continued to bubble through his chest as he squeezed his good hand, hoping beyond all else that Casey could feel his comfort.

A huge – and increasing – part of him was tempted to stay, to bunker down and stay with his boy. His precious, precious boy. But he knew that Rhodes had already gone above and beyond to keep him here at this time, the doctor standing in the doorway with his head turned to give them some privacy. He didn’t want to disrespect the man, not when he’d saved Casey’s life and was doing so much for them.

So, it took every inch of self-control that he had to turn away, whispering one final goodbye as he headed towards the door.


	13. Late

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for it taking so long! I've had four assignments due in the past two weeks... which makes me want to cry XD Found some time to get this chapter out! I hope you enjoy it :)

After falling into bed, Severide was asleep within minutes, something that Joe Cruz was beyond grateful for. After leaving Casey’s ICU suite that night – well, technically it had been very, very early that morning – Severide had needed assistance to the car, the Squad Lieutenant having been utterly drained. Cruz had then needed to belt him into his seat, and Boden had tailed them back to Matt and Kelly’s apartment in the battalion car, just in case his assistance was needed at the other end.

His assistance had been needed, and together, they had helped Kelly stumble to his bed, making sure that he was comfortable as Boden shamelessly tucked him in. The Squad Lieutenant hadn’t lasted long at all, clutching Casey’s pillow to his chest as he drifted off, the residual smell of his boy soothing him. Boden and Cruz had then retreated, both smiling as they watched a frightened yet determined Penny dart into the room.

They’d then settled into Casey and Severide’s living room, Cruz needing a moment before he was capable of clear thought. Even Wallace Boden – a man who had spent so many years on the job, who had served during 9/11, who was a battalion Chief, a man responsible for all the hard decisions – was finding this tough. It was terrible to see a family member in such an awful position, terrible to see them suffering, and terrible to know that they could do utterly nothing about it.

They waited in the tense yet comfortable silence, until Joe was ready to speak again. The man took a breath and ran a hand over his bald head, shaking it marginally, “This isn’t fair, Chief… Casey and Severide don’t deserve this. No one deserves this.”

Boden could only agree, waiting patiently as his subordinate mulled through his thoughts, “I just… I dunno, Chief. It just feels wrong… that this is happening. It isn’t fair. They did nothing wrong; it shouldn’t have happened to them.”

Wallace paused for a second, wishing that he had a proper response. But simply put; there wasn’t one. Life wasn’t fair. Every member of firehouse fifty-one was in some way an example of that, and, either way, they saw it every day on the job. Almost every single accident they responded too in someway involved innocent civilians, many of whom would in some way have their life changed forever.

And he was prepared to comfort his subordinate, but before he did that, he needed to correct something that Joe had just said, “But no one deserves this, Joe… no matter what they’ve done, not even the worst person in the world. It’s always harder when it’s kids… or family… or people as upstanding as Casey and Severide… but no one deserves this.”

Cruz nodded, understanding what his Chief was saying. It didn’t make it any easier, but he knew that Boden was right.

“But I agree… it isn’t fair. I wish that there was something that I could say to make it fair… but there simply isn’t.”

Boden broke off, losing his trail of thought. But it wasn’t helpful for him to get emotional. He needed to keep himself in check, for Cruz, as well as Severide, “So I have to believe that everything will right itself… that karma, if there is such a thing, will pull through… and that Casey will make a full recovery, and this will just be a memory.”

It took a moment for Joe to blink back his tears, swallowing and hoping that he could control them, “I hope so, Chief… because if… if… because I don’t know what Severide’s gonna do without him –”

“We can’t afford to think like that, Joe.” Boden cut in, partially because he wanted to sooth his subordinate, and partially because he couldn’t bear to hear the end of Cruz’s thought, “Casey’s alive, and he’s still fighting. He went well with the surgery, and now all we can do is wait… and have positive thoughts. He’s strong, Joe… Casey’s really strong. For now, all we can do is be there for Severide, so he’ll have the energy for Casey when he needs it.”

Eventually, Joe nodded, knowing that Boden had only spoke the truth, “You’re right, Chief… I know that you’re right.”

Boden nodded, before casting a weary eye over Cruz. He was proud of the man, and he hoped that he conveyed it as he gave his shoulder a firm squeeze.

* * *

Kelly’s nose twitched, and he let out a huff. His eyes felt heavy, and his head was aching. He felt as though he could sleep for a week, but he knew that it wasn’t an option. He needed to be with Casey every single moment he could, because he knew that Casey wouldn’t leave _him_ alone in the hospital, and he didn’t want to waste any time if Casey was going to –

No, he refused to think like that. He just couldn’t stand it. Thinking like that would only send his mental health in one direction, and it simply wasn’t manageable.

His thoughts were starting to overwhelm him, so he reached a hand out, intending to take Casey’s pillow so he could smell it for comfort. But as he reached his hand out, he was confused to find that the sheets were warm. For a brief moment – the briefest, _briefest_ moment – his mind told him that it was Casey’s warmth, but the logical part of his brain dismissed that right away. There was no way that he would be feeling his boy’s warmth in their bed for some time, so it wasn’t worth thinking about.

Still confused, he slowly opened his eyes.

To see sunlight streaming through the window.

It took another moment for his sluggish brain to process what that meant, before he was leaping up from the bed, turning on one foot to investigate his clock.

_9:12 AM_

Kelly’s heart skipped a beat. It was only eighteen minutes until visiting hours started, and he wasn’t even dressed. He hadn’t eaten anything, and he certainly hadn’t had a shower. Not that it mattered all that much if he had a shower – he didn’t care what he looked like. But he didn’t want to smell in front of Casey. His blonde didn’t deserve that.

He raced out of the room, skidding as he hurtled into the open plan. He lost his footing last minute, crashing painfully into the floor and sprawling out in front of a startled looking Joe Cruz.

But the young Squad man didn’t have time to say anything, before Severide had leapt to his feet. All of Kelly’s fear, shock had stress built up, and before he knew what he was doing, he was yelling at his subordinate, “Dammit, Joe! You had one job! Why was I still asleep?”

Part of him knew how unfair he was being, how much he should appreciate his subordinate, and how out of line he was. But he was far too caught up in his emotions to think rationally, and he continued his barrage of abuse, barely aware of what he was saying, “Visiting hours start in fifteen minutes, and now I’m going to be late! I need to see him, Cruz. I can’t be away from him…”

To Joe’s credit, his face remained impassive as Severide slowly dissolved into sobs, before stepping forwards and placing a supportive hand to his shoulder. Kelly immeaditely sacked into his embrace, pressing his forehead against Joe’s shoulder as he continued to cry. Cruz was careful as he slowly rocked him, rubbing his back in a soothing manner, “Hey, easy, Lieutenant… I’ve already made breakfast, was just coming to get you… thought you could eat on the way…”

At his subordinate’s words, Severide lost the little control he had left. He could barely catch his breath as he sobbed, gripping Joe tightly in his grasp, “Fuck… shit. I’m sorry, Cruz… s-sorry. I didn’t mean any of that… I’m sorry.”

Really not caring that his superior officer had just laid into him, Joe shook his head, “It’s fine, Lieutenant. Really, it’s fine. Don’t worry about it.”

Severide pulled back, wiping his eyes as he nodded, “God, I am so sorry, though…”

Nodding again, Cruz shook his head, “Forget it, Kelly. I’ve fed Penny… packed the breakfast. If you tell me where your carry mugs are, I’ll get the coffee sorted… while you take a shower?”

* * *

Once again, Kelly found himself sitting in Casey’s ICU suite, watching as the machine continued to breathe for his boy. Just as he’d promised, Joe had got him safely to the hospital, only a few minutes after visiting hours had started. And Severide was entirely aware that they would have been on time had it not been for his breakdown, something that he still felt bad about.

But it was hardly consuming his thoughts, because upon arriving to the hospital, Connor Rhodes had sought him out. He had news – good news – about Matt. While the blonde still wasn’t breathing on his own, or even triggering the vent, he was stabilising. His vitals were picking up, becoming stronger. And during the night, he’d even responded to pain stimulus.

The blonde might not be looking much better than the previous day, and he certainly wasn’t out of the woods yet, but he was _recovering._

Kelly had barely been able to believe it. He really hadn’t been expecting good news about Matt so soon.

Severide was drawn from his thoughts when Casey’s delicate eyebrows creased, and he felt his heart flutter. Matt was clearly struggling to come back to reality. _But he was trying._

He leant over the rails, taking Matt’s good hand and gently squeezing. He placed his other hand tenderly on Matt’s cheek, starting to rub soothing circles in the hopes that it would help and calm his boy, “Hey… heya, Matty… shhh… it’s okay, baby…”

A slight groan emitted from Casey’s throat. It was weak, it was breathless, but it was still one of the best sounds that Severide had ever heard. He smiled as he continued stroking the blonde’s cheek, waiting patiently as Casey continued to struggle with consciousness. And as much as he wanted Casey to wake up right then and there, he was more than happy to wait. He’d be by his side whenever he was ready.

By some miracle, though, he was spared the wait. Matt let out another weak groan, before shifting his head slightly towards Severide. Kelly grinned, once again running a comforting finger across his cheek bone as he hummed, “That’s it, baby… hey…”

His heart continued to swell as Casey’s eyes fluttered, and carefully, he leant down. He made sure to leave enough distance between them so Casey wouldn’t feel too crowded, but close enough that his blonde wouldn’t get confused. He didn’t want Casey to waste any time searching for him, he wanted him to wake up as comfortably as possible.

He waited a few more minutes, still sweeping his thumb back and forth across the blonde’s cheek, before Casey’s eyes fluttered again. This time, though, they opened to slits, revealing Casey’s brilliant blue eyes.

Severide could barely contain his tears of joy.

“Hey… hey, baby…”

Casey blinked again, and then recognition shone in his features. Kelly couldn’t stop his sob of relief. He’d been so worried about brain damage, and the doctors had always said amnesia was a possibility, and even though he’d be there for his blonde no matter what, even if he had no idea who he was… he was glad that Casey was calm and remembered. It would be easier for his recovery, and better for his mental health.

“I love you, Matty… I love you…”

The blonde was still only staring at Severide, yet Kelly could see how tired he was becoming. Whether Casey remembered or not, he had just come out of a coma, and Kelly knew that he’d be exhausted, “Sleep, baby… I’ll be here when you wake up… just rest, baby…”

As slowly as they’d opened, Casey’s eyes drifted shut. And for almost an hour afterwards, Severide couldn’t stop staring at his boy. He could hardly believe that Casey had woke up. It was the best feeling in the world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed :)


	14. Eyes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry this took so long to post! I tried to do Whumptober which was probably a mistake, and things have been full on! BUT I am now very much in the mood to write this fic :)

Severide remained by Casey’s side for the rest of that day, focused intensely on his face. He didn’t want to look away for a moment, worried that he’s miss Casey opening his eyes, or miss Casey grimacing in pain. Now that his boy was awake, he knew that he had to be even more aware of his facial expression… because if anything happened, he wanted to be aware.

None of that stopped his mind from running a million miles a second, though, and Severide could barely control his racing thoughts. He was so relieved that Casey had opened his eyes, but it really didn’t offer much confirmation of Casey’s state. He didn’t know what challenges – if any – they’d be facing in the future. He’d be optimistic one second, and then terrified the next. Casey had woken up, but what if things deteriorated? What if Casey backflipped, and his condition suddenly changed? What if _thinking_ that Casey might deteriorate would make him deteriorate? What if being too optimistic did? His thoughts were irrational, and he knew it. But he was still terrified.

He'd still been sitting by Casey’s side when an older nurse entered, carrying a tray of equipment. She settled it on the swing table, giving Severide a wide smile, “My name’s nurse Carol… how are you doing right now?”

Severide muttered something in response, not paying attention to his words as he stood. He rested both hands on Casey’s shoulder, nodding towards the tubes, “Uh… what’s that for?”

Carol, to her credit, just smiled again, motioning to the tubes, “We’re just wanting to place a NG tube for meals… instead of the TPN. It’s much safer, and Matt should tolerate the feeds better… and now that he’s woken up a couple of times, it should be more comfortable.

Kelly nodded, stroking his hands up and down Matt’s arm. Carol took a breath before speaking again, clearly knowing that she was treading into unwelcome territory, “We usually ask the families to leave during procedures… especially given that Matt’s unconscious, inserting the tube can be quite distressing.”

But Severide was already shaking his head, “No. I’ll be fine, it’s okay.”

Because he didn’t care how stressful it would be to watch, because it was no doubt even more stressful for Casey. And he’d never forgive himself if Matt woke up during the procedure, alone and scared.

He leant down, brushing his hand through Casey’s hair as he explained what was about to happen. He promised that he’d be there for the whole time, and that he was holding his hand. He promised him that he was safe, and that he’d protect him. And then, he promised that he loved him.

He hadn’t even noticed the other nurses enter the room, and a technician wheeling in the portable x-ray. They converged around Casey, before preparing the tube.

Severide wouldn’t lie – seeing the procedure was more upsetting than he’d thought it would be. They hadn’t been lying when they’d said that inserting the tube would be harder to insert, and Severide had been surprised at how hard they’d had to push the tube. They had to work around his breathing tube, and the fact that Casey wasn’t conscious made it hard for them to guide it down to his stomach. A few times they’d had to stop and x-ray his chest and abdomen, making sure that it was going the right way.

But Kelly didn’t let go of Casey’s hand for a second, and eventually, they’d placed it. They lowered the bed back down, and Carol set up Casey’s feed. She started the process, and Severide watched as Casey’s expression didn’t change. Ultimately, he decided that was a good thing. The feed didn’t seem to be causing Casey any pain.

As soon as the procedure was finished, his hand went back to Casey’s, and he focused on the rhythmic breathing of the vent.

* * *

And that’s how he spent the next couple of days. Even though part of Kelly had been hoping that Casey would wake up and immeaditely be aware of his surrounds, he wasn’t surprised when it didn’t happen. Casey wasn’t capable of much other than opening his eyes and looking up at Severide, an event that was becoming increasingly frequent. But Severide didn’t mind, because it was enough for him, and each time, he’d stroke Casey’s cheek, the side of his head, sweep his fringe back and tuck it behind his ears and do everything else he could to make Casey feel comfortable.

And he continued to pay attention to each of Halstead’s words, writing down the numbers of nutrients Casey was having, and each drug that went into his system and every treatment he had. He put lip balm on his lips when they got chapped and rubbed cream into his hands. He adjusted Casey’s limbs to keep them comfortable – with assistance from the nurses, of course – and he’d taken over some of Casey’s physical therapy sessions when the therapist had been unavailable.

The blonde’s weight was already dropping, but he’d been reassured by numerous doctors that it was to be expected. The nutritional feeds were never as good as a proper meal, and no matter how much they loaded him – which was a risk in of itself – it would never be as fattening as a proper meal. Some of the weight would have dropped off because of loss of muscle tone – Casey had been unbelievably fit before the accident – and a large degree was probably water weight. Casey didn’t need to store as many fluids now that he was on an IV, and his levels were being carefully monitored.

Rhodes had also done two echocardiograms and was happy with Casey’s heart. Everything was holding, and it was functioning as normal. The bursts of tachycardia had almost completely stopped, and he was suffering fewer and fewer arrhythmias. He wasn’t yet in the clear, but Rhodes was more optimistic. His heart was by no means strong, and Casey would need months of physical therapy… but it looked good.

They were even taking him off some of the more high-risk medications, which made Severide take a breath of relief. They were still flooding him with painkillers, and a dozen other medications that Severide couldn’t hope to understand, but he couldn’t help that glimmer of hope.

A glimmer that wasn’t able to be stifled by the fact that Casey still wasn’t breathing on his own. He hadn’t even triggered the vent – but Severide had done endless research and talked to every doctor who was unlucky enough to meet him. It wasn’t good, but they weren’t overly concerned. And if Casey relied on some degree of his support for the rest of his life… well, Severide would be supportive. He should be able to live a relatively happy life, and Kelly would do everything he could to make the blonde happy.

It wasn’t something he hoped for, but if it came to it… he’d make it work.

Of course, he kept having to push these thoughts to the back of his mind, because each and every time Casey opened his eyes, he was his only priority. He was the only thing important in the world, and Severide knew that he was relying entirely on him for reassurance. And he knew that the blonde was more in it than he or the doctors gave him credit for, because Casey was nothing short of a genius.

After all, he could see the cogs turning in Casey’s brain, could see him trying to work out how to speak, to communicate… but he could also see that he just wasn’t up to it yet. So, he was content to lean over him, whispering calming phrases and rubbing his chest.

* * *

About three days passed before Casey was able to maintain consciousness for more than ten minutes, about five of which Severide believed to be coherent. He still couldn’t talk because of the tube, but Severide refused to waste them. He’d tell his boy stories as he looked up at him, stories of good times. Of holidays they’d been on, nights spent at Molly’s. He wanted his boy to know that he wasn’t alone, and that he was loved and supported. He was also fairly convinced that Casey knew who he was… but on the off chance the blonde’s memory needed jogging, Kelly wanted to do it early.

He was mid-way through an account of a rescue they’d both attended, when he noticed Matt frown, adjusting his jaw as though he was trying to speak. Stopping immeaditely, Severide leant down, unable to cover his smile. Until now, Casey had shown no signs of wanting to communicate... so this was fantastic news, “Hey, baby… you want to speak, hmmm?”

Matt tried to nod slightly, but immeaditely winced at the pain it caused. It hurt to move his neck, and while he didn't entirely understand why, it was something he wished he’d thought of.

But Kelly was already smiling, cutting in and shaking his head lightly, “Don’t nod, baby… blink once for yes, and twice for no. Okay?”

Slowly, with a little struggle, Casey blinked once. Severide positively beamed, “Great… great, Matty. That’s great… uh… are you in pain, baby?”

Still painfully slowly, Casey’s eyes closed once, then opened, then closed again, before opening. Severide felt some of the tension he’d been feeling leave his body. Even though he’d been watching Matt’s expression, and even though he knew that Casey had been on some very strong drugs, hearing – or seeing – Casey say he wasn’t in pain was much more convincing.

“Okay… good. Good, Matty… do you remember what happened?”

This time, Casey blinked only once. Severide nodded, knowing that as terrible as the memory probably was – as much as he almost hoped that Casey forgot, purely so he didn’t have the pain of remembering – that it was a good thing medically. 

Casey seemed to clock onto his anxiety, so Severide was quick to cover, plastering on a wide smile as his eyes sparkled, “Good. God, I love you, Matty.”

Blink. Then Casey was jutting his chin towards Severide, eyes filled with anxiety as he tried to get his message across. 

And he was successful, Kelly's heart soaring as he understood, “You love me too?”

Blink.

Kelly melted, tears springing to his eyes at his boys message. Casey was so terribly injured, he was unable to breathe on his own, and he was no doubt confused, scared, in pain… and he was trying to tell him that he loved him.

“I love you too, baby. So much. So much, forever and always.”

Casey blinked again - no doubt confirming his love - and Kelly leant down and kissed him on the forehead. He was so overwhelmed with his love that he felt as though he was drowning, and he wanted nothing more than to express that to Casey. But he could see his boy getting tired, and he took his hand, leaning over and whispering, “Get some rest, baby. I’ll be right here, not going anywhere.”

Again, Casey blinked, before creasing his eyes up and again jutting his chin towards Severide. Those actions now held a clear message, and Kelly felt every part as though Casey had said the words, as he beamed, “I know. I love you too, Case. I always will.”

Now satisfied that he’d got his message across – and honestly falling asleep anyway – Casey closed his eyes, and allowed himself to drift off.


	15. I Swear

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I need to start titling chapters better XD 
> 
> Here's another one! Hoping to go back to weekly updates, but making no promises. Almost Chicago Wednesday as well!

Severide woke up to the feel of somebody shaking his shoulder and whispering his name. Groggily, he opened his eyes and yawned, trying to gather his thoughts. He was somewhat surprised that he’d fallen asleep beside Casey, because until now, he’d been so filled with anxiety that something was going to go wrong that sleep had seemed impossible.

But he was starting to believe that his blonde would be okay, that Casey would make some extent of recovery. He was by no means deluded; he knew that it would be hard, he knew that Casey had a long road ahead… but he now had hope – and hope with proper foundations. His doctors were far more optimistic then they were before, and in that day alone, he’d watched as Casey’s lucid moments had become more and more frequent. Soon, he knew that Casey would be capable of participating in a lot more tests, and then they’d have a better idea of where he was at, and how his recovery would go.

And while Kelly was desperate for that information, he also knew that it wouldn’t change the outcome. Either way, he was going to be there for his boy. He was going to be present and do whatever he needed. And he could get some of that just from looking at him… from doing his best to guess what Casey was trying to communicate and using his many years of knowing and loving his blonde to guess what he wanted. For the most part it worked, though he knew that there were moments that Casey became frustrated. Those moments were always awful for him, because he had no solution for his baby, and he could only apologise as he continued to guess. 

Which was exactly the reason he’d been wanting to talk to Halstead. Throughout the day, the man had constantly been checking on Casey, but every single time, there seemed to be something more important. One time, Casey had experienced an arrythmia, and another time he’d been tachycardic. Both had resolved themselves quickly, and neither had concerned Connor Rhodes when he’d heard about them. But they’d still overshadowed the positive news – which Severide was excited to now share.

Halstead had already started his checks on Casey, gently gripping his wrist and testing the strength of his pulse. He seemed happy with the result, settling his wrist by his side and turning back to the monitors.

Kelly couldn’t wait a moment longer, standing up and reaching across for Casey’s hand. He was so proud of his boy, and it showed as he beamed, “Casey was talking to me earlier… well, he was mostly answering yes no questions… but he knew what he was saying, and he was trying to speak… it was amazing, he did so well.”

If Severide had been expecting Halstead to look surprised, he was disappointed, because the doctor just smiled lightly as he turned back around, “Yeah? That’s great news, Kelly… absolutely amazing. You said that he was ‘mostly’ answering questions… did something else happen?”

Feeling stupid that he hadn’t started with it, Kelly nodded, “Yeah… he was jutting his chin at me… and blinking… we’d agreed that blinking once meant yes… and he did that just after I said I loved him. He was trying to say he loved me back… and when I asked if that’s what he meant, he confirmed… gosh, it was incredible… I love him so much…”

Knowing that Kelly wasn’t usually one to gush, Will just nodded, before glancing back down to Casey, “That certainly does sound good… it’s good to see he’s communicative. What questions did you have him answer?”

Kelly went into more detail, glad when Halstead nodded in approval that Casey had remembered what had happened. He knew that they were likely to be evaluating how much – if any – brain damage Casey had, and that Casey’s response had likely abated some of those fears. Halstead also seemed to be generally impressed with Casey’s ability to respond and understand. That did scare Kelly in a way – that they’d initially believed that Casey might have that level of impairment – but it also filled him with a sense of relief.

“That’s all great, Kelly… especially so soon into his recovery. I do want to try to wake him up now, see what level of response I can get… I’m just going to start with a sternal rub. I’d rather be gentle… if he doesn’t respond, I can always try to initiate a proper pain response, but it might not be necessary.”

Nodding, Kelly moved out of Will’s way, standing by the head of Casey’s bed and squeezing his shoulder. Then his fingers moved to his neck, soothingly stroking back and forth, lightly scratching his hair line. He really hoped that Casey would remain calm throughout the procedure, but he was more than prepared to jump in if he needed.

Halstead then moved to stand by Casey’s left side, squeezing his arm in a comforting gesture, lightly balling his other fist up. He moved it to the blonde’s sternum, firmly rubbing, “Matt. Matt. Can you hear me?”

Casey gave no response whatsoever, but Halstead didn’t seem phased, just squeezing his arm again and rubbing harder, “Matt? Matt Casey? Captain Casey?”

This time, Casey’s eyes fluttered, lips twitching. Kelly’s heart skipped a beat, and he smiled as he ran his fingers across the blonde’s jaw, “That’s it, baby… wake up…”

Sluggishly, Casey forced his eyes open, blue orbs being displayed to the world. But was clear he was disorientated, and Kelly bit his lip as he glanced up at Will, “I swear he was more in it before…”

Halstead just shook his head lightly, flashing him a reassuring smile, “I believe you, Kelly… don’t worry about it. I’m still trying…”

Taking the hint to shut up, Kelly nodded, stepping back. He watched as Halstead leaned over his precious baby, taking his hand and squeezing firmly, doing his best to invite eye contact, “Matt… can you hear me? Squeeze my hand if you can.”

Severide’s eyes flicked straight to their entwined hands, heart sinking when Casey didn’t squeeze. But Halstead just squeezed again, repeating himself softly, “Casey. Matt. Squeeze my hand if you can hear me…”

But Casey didn’t, and Severide could feel hope slipping away. The blonde’s eyes were still open, but now only to slits, and Severide could see them rolling around, “Uh… Matty?”

If he’d been hoping for Casey to respond to his voice, he was bitterly disappointed. Matt showed no sign of recognition as his eyes slipped shut, and Halstead waited for a moment longer before retreating. He was just as careful as before as he settled Casey’s hand back to his side and took a step back.

“He… he was aware before… I swear –”

“Kelly, I believe you. And for the record, I’m not surprised… I wasn’t expecting Casey to be alert – not when I was the one who disturbed him. He did well given his situation… think about it as though he’s waking from a long winter’s nap… and when we wake him, he’s not quite ready… but when he wakes himself he’s more rested. I’m not worried about it, and I’m happy enough with him opening his eyes…”

He still wished that Casey had been more alert, clenching his jaw as he tried to ward off tears. Halstead must have sensed his anxiety, because he again shook his head, “Kelly, really. This is good – this is progress. I know that it might not be as much as you wanted, but when Casey came in, we couldn’t even get a pain response. He’s still on a lot of medication, and still healing… I know that it’s scary, Kelly. I know you want him off the vent… but that’s just not realistic, right now. Small steps are still steps, Kelly.”

Slowly, Kelly relented, eyes still creased in worry as he sat beside his boy. He took his hand, gently pressing it to his lips, before turning his focus back onto Casey’s face, “Hey, well done, baby… well done. I’m proud of you, you know… I could never not be. We’ll manage it next time, hmm? Then you can show off your skills.”

He didn’t miss Halstead’s slight smile, and the man nodded his head, “Next time Casey wakes up and he’s coherent, press the call button… I’ll respond in time. I’ll also see if I can get a communicative device from OT… he might not be able to use it yet, Kelly, but it’s good to introduce him to it early. _Not_ , that I think he’ll need it for a long time… but it won’t hurt.”

Forcing a smile, and some chipper into his voice, Kelly turned back to Casey, moving his hand to his head and stroking his hair, “Sound good, baby? Then you don’t have to listen to me bumbling all the time… of course, I am happy to do that… but I don’t blame you if you want me to shut up. I’m happy either way, baby… I’m so happy… so happy…”

* * *

Kelly was still focussed entirely on Casey when a quiet Boden entered, the battalion Chief coming to sit beside him. The elder man took a minute to look Casey over, soft brown eyes drinking in the sight. Seeing Casey still wasn’t easy, and in some ways the blonde didn’t look a hell of a lot better, but Wallace did his best to contextualise it in his head. Kelly had been so proud the previous night that Casey was opening his eyes, and he wasn’t going to demerit that.

Besides, Kelly look particularly happy this time. Exhausted, as though he was running on fumes, but _happy._ So, he didn’t disturb him, allowing his Squad Lieutenant to take as much time as he needed. Severide was still staring lovingly at his boy, admiring every part of his face. Sometimes, he got caught up in how amazing Casey was. Not only because of every thing he’d been through – every trial, every tribulation – but purely because he was _there._

It amazed him that Casey was a person, that someone so perfect could exist. Casey was so gracious and caring, and every part of him was beautiful. Kelly thought he was perfectly proportioned, every part of him was incredible. He couldn’t help but be in awe of his nose, his mouth… every part of Casey had at some point developed, had come from nothing… and he was so glad to have him in his life.

And so grateful that he would stay.

Because the world was a better place with his Matt in it, and he loved him endlessly.

Sniffing, Kelly pulled away from where he was leaning against Casey’s side, one arm looped loosely around his middle. He didn’t let go of Casey’s hand, though, instead securing it in both of his, “Hi, Chief.”

Wallace smiled back, shifting his focus to Kelly, “Kelly. How are you doing?”

“He tried talking to me today, Chief… he was blinking, he knew what he was doing… it was amazing. He’s coming back to me, Chief… he’s coming back. He’s so amazing… God, I love him.”

It wasn’t a direct answer, but Boden didn’t need it to be. He could see the change in Kelly’s demeanour, and he knew the squad Lieutenant well enough. Kelly was entirely focussed on his boy. He didn’t care about himself, and all of his emotions were still being strongly influenced by Casey’s state. Which made sense, of course. He truly believed that Severide and Casey were made for each other, and their love was like no other. They’d both come to fifty-one as frightened boys from broken homes, but he’d watched them grow. They’d both matured and had a strong affinity for each other before they got involved romantically. And their relationship had gone from strength to strength. Sure, they had their petty arguments – because both men had their moments of immaturity – but they were well and truly matched, and Boden was so proud of them.

Besides, all of them felt less without Casey. The blonde Captain’s presence was missed everywhere, and he was at the front of their minds.

So much so, that Boden had to resist whooping with joy, grinning down at Casey’s prone form, “Really, Kelly? That’s incredible!”

Severide nodded, tears springing to his eyes, “Yeah… and the first thing… the first thing he wanted to say to me… was that he loved me…”

His voice had been overpowered with joy, and Kelly broke down into quiet sobs. He gripped Casey’s hand, leaning down and placing a gentle kiss to it. Silently, Boden put a hand to Severide’s back, rubbing soothingly and knowing that his Squad Lieutenant would soon be okay. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed, only a few more chapters until Casey's a little more coherent :)


	16. Blink. Blink.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy this next chapter a mere day early! I have this and the next one written, and am far too excited to share it with all of you!

Sleep came easily for him that night, the fatigue from the past week catching up. He still woke up on time though – as though his body had set an internal alarm – and before he knew it, he was once again on the way to the hospital. Boden was with him this time, though Kelly hoped that he’d soon be able to function by himself. He appreciated the support, of course, but he was aware of being a burden.

It didn’t take him long to get through to the ICU, him knowing his way and the nurses knowing his face and letting him in early. He was met with the same sight as previous days – but that didn’t surprise him. He knew that much of Casey’s healing was still internal at this stage, and he didn’t mind. Even cut and bruised his boy was still beautiful, so he honestly preferred that Casey was regaining consciousness. He couldn’t bear to think of the alternative.

Settling beside Casey, he reached over and once again took his hand, smiling down at his boy. He kissed him on the forehead, before stroking his cheek, “Hey, baby… I’m back. Told you I’d be. Gonna hang out here with you all day… got a few more stories to tell you. But if you want me to shut up at any time… well, that’s okay as well. You just tell me.”

His hand went back to Casey’s good one, gently stroking across his knuckles. Then, Matt’s hand twitched, and Severide’s heart skipped a beat.

Freezing, Kelly watched for a brief moment, eyes analysing every part of Casey’s body. As he watched, Matt’s hand twitched again, before he snuffled slightly, nose twitching as he let out a puff of air. Automatically, Kelly’s hand shot out to the call button, pressing it firmly as he moved closer to Matt, “Hey, baby… hey. That’s it… here I am.”

A soft sound emerged from Casey’s throat, but he otherwise remained silent. So, Kelly just held his hand for the few minutes it took for Halstead to arrive, carefully watching Casey for any movement.

When Halstead did arrive, the man was smiling, clearly expecting this early morning visit. Briefly, his eyes went to Casey’s monitors, before they centred again on Kelly, “Kelly. Good morning… how are you going?”

Once again, Kelly brushed past his questions, instead squeezing Matt’s hand, “I thought that he was waking up… he twitched when I touched his hand. He’s not been that responsive before, but he seems to have gone back to sleep…”

Nodding, Will moved to Casey’s side, lightly brushing his hand. Again, Matt’s hand twitched, and Will smiled, “I’m not surprised, Kelly… you came in early, otherwise I would have been here when you arrived.”

At Kelly’s questioning look, Halstead elaborated, a wide grin covering his face because he knew how Kelly would react to the news, “Matt triggered the vent overnight. Twice. And he’s just done it again now… which is huge progress.”

Just as Halstead had expected, Kelly utterly lit up, tears of happiness springing to his eyes. He glanced over to the vent, before down at his boy, wiping away tears as they started sliding down his cheeks, “He did? God… that’s amazing, Matt… well done, baby… well done.”

Still grinning, Halstead nodded, “It is great news… and he also woke up enough to have a short conversation with a nurse. Reportedly he knew what was happening… he knew where he was, he was able to do some basic checks… he fell asleep mid-way through, but it was more than we expected… that was around six hours ago, so hopefully he’ll be waking up again soon…”

Almost as though he’d heard Halstead’s voice – which, if you asked Kelly, he would say that his blonde had been listening to everything – Matt shifted, lightly groaning and scrunching his face up. Like lightening, Kelly was beside him, lovingly stroking his hair back. And Halstead wasn’t far behind, standing at his good side, “Hey, Matt? Can you hear me?”

Casey groaned, good hand flexing at his side. Quickly, Severide grabbed it, giving it a firm squeeze, “Hiya, baby… good morning. I love you, baby. So much…”

Casey’s hand flexed again, before tightening around Severide’s. Tiredly – and with some struggle – he forced his eyes open, blinking as they adjusted to the bright room.

His mind was sluggish, but the first thing he saw was Kelly, and that was enough for him to try to smile. But something was stopping him, and a slight frown graced his brow as his lips pulled, “Hey, yeah… that’s it, Matty. You have a tube breathing for you, remember?”

That was right, and Casey tried to clear the cobwebs from his mind as he forced a brief blink. Immeaditely, Severide’s face lit up, and Casey felt joy jolt through his chest.

“Sorry, Kelly. Can I try to ask him a few questions? I’ll be as quick as I can.”

That was also a familiar voice, even if it took a moment for him to identify it. Doctor Will Halstead. He was slightly surprised at first, but he supposed it made sense… he was clearly in a hospital, so of course there were doctors around.

Tiredly – and gingerly – he turned his head to see the doctor standing over him, Halstead giving him an honest smile, “Hi Matt, good to see you awake. I know that you can hear me, but please, squeeze my hand anyway… hospital checks.”

Casey did, not wanting Halstead to have any doubts. He could tell that the movement was weak, but Will still seemed satisfied, “Okay… I want to look at your pupils now. Sorry, flash of bright light… won’t be too long.”

He did his best to hold his eyes open as Halstead checked his pupils, fighting his instincts to close them against the brightness. But Will was quick, and was soon pulling back, “Okay, great, Matt… you were blinking before, yeah? One for yes, two for no?”

 _Blink_.

“Okay good… is your pain manageable?”

_Blink._

Severide let out a breath of relief, looking up as Will made a quick note, “Great, Matt… do you want painkillers regardless? I’d be remiss if I didn’t offer.”

Casey seemed to think that one through for a moment, before glancing back up, _Blink. Blink._

Halstead nodded, being respectful of his patient’s wishes as he pocketed his pen, “Alright, no worries. If you need some later, we’ll definitely be able to get them to you.”

Casey blinked, before taking the opportunity to look up at Will, squinting his eyes pleadingly in a way that he hoped conveyed his message. But Will’s brow just furrowed in confusion, apology crossing his features as he shook his head, “Sorry, Matt. I’m going to get you a communication device today… which will help. Uh… your condition? You’re recovering well. You were injured quite badly, but you’re already –”

But it clearly wasn’t what Casey was interested in, because Kelly had already told him. Weakly, he raised his hand, whacking it back down to the mattress.

Will immeaditely understood, nodding apologetically, “Okay, sorry. Not that then…”

He then continued to remain patient as he tried his best to understand Casey’s question. The blonde was now flicking his eyes down, and then back up, pleading, and his lips moved as he tried to speak. Biting his lip, Halstead moved closer, trying to think of an easier way, “Okay, Matt… I can start going through a list of words, blink when I get the right ones –”

But the blonde was already blinking no, trying to gather the strength to raise his hand. Kelly was about to move in to assist, when Matt started blinking twice, and looking down. Blinking twice, then looking down…

It clicked for Severide quite suddenly, and he redirected his hand to grip Casey’s, “The vent, baby? Is it about the vent?”

Excitement flashed through Casey’s eyes, and he wriggled slightly as he turned his gaze back to Severide. Then, he remembered to blink, wishing that he had the strength to nod.

“You want to know when the tube’s coming out, Matty?”

Again, Casey blinked, hoping that his gaze showed his thanks as he turned back to Will. The doctor was already smiling, in awe of Severide and Casey’s love, but he knew that the blonde wouldn’t like his news, “Well, Matt. You triggered the vent last night – which is good. But you have to be able to breathe by yourself before we can extubate.”

Casey scowled, before his jaw tensed. His brow crinkled in frustration as he took in a breath, managing to break the rhythm of the vent.

But Halstead wasn’t going to budge, and he just nodded and smiled, “Yes, that’s triggering the vent, Matt… but you have to be a lot more consistent before we can take the tube out. I’m hopeful it won’t be too long… but you do need the support for now.”

Casey’s eyes crinkled in a way that Severide knew he was pouting, and the squad Lieutenant found himself smiling. He didn’t enjoy that his boy was in pain and unhappy with the situation… but the whole thing was so _Casey_ that he was relieved. His boy was lying in a bed unable to breathe for himself… and he was already arguing with the doctors.

Redirecting some of his joy to his voice, Severide leant over him, taking his hand, “Hey, Matty. I think this is a good thing for now… you do need the vent. But it’ll be okay, baby, yeah? I’ll do my very best to be your voice? Does that sound okay?”

Matt took a moment to turn back to him, and Kelly could see the fatigue swimming behind his eyes. But he could also see Matt’s gratitude, and he leant down as he softly kissed him on the forehead, “I love you, baby. I’ll be here when you wake back up… so I’ll see you then.”

Tiredly, Matt blinked, eyes slightly teary. Kelly just leant down again, placing another kiss to his forehead, “Go on, Matt… sleeps good for you right now. And I promise – double promise, that I’ll still be here when you wake up.”

The corners of Casey’s lips twitched and turned up, and then he blinked, struggling to jut his chin towards Kelly. But Severide got it immeaditely, already nodding, “I know, I love you, too. So much, baby…”

He kept brushing Matt’s hair back as he drifted off, paying no mind to Halstead as the doctor continued watching. He knew that he likely wanted to speak to him, but he couldn’t bring himself to care. Casey was still his priority, and besides, it didn’t take long until he was dozing. Only then did he turn back to the doctor, excitement in his eyes, “That went well, yeah? He even wanted the vent out… it’s so _Matt._ He’s there… he’s really in there.”

Halstead remained silent, smiling slightly as Severide gushed. This was the best part of his job, seeing patients and their families happy… and it would never get old, “He is, Kelly… I still can’t be sure what degree of recovery he’ll make, but all of these signs are looking hopeful.”

Severide nodded, unable to help himself from staring at Casey’s face, “Thank you, Will… god, thank you… so much…”

“There’s no need to thank me, Kelly. I’m only doing my job. Of course, it’s great and I’m genuinely relieved that Casey’s doing better… and I promise that I’ll be here every step of the way.”

Breath catching in his throat, Kelly nodded, wiping the tears from his cheeks, “Yeah… thank you. I appreciate it, Will… I really do. Thank you…”

Gently, Will put his hand on Kelly’s shoulder, giving it a firm squeeze, “Of course. I’m going to go and track down that communication device for you… it should be here before lunch. And next time Casey wakes up, we’ll see if he’s comfortable sitting up… might be easier for him to use the device, and if he’s going to be conscious for an increasing period of time… I’m sure he’ll get bored looking at the ceiling. Not that I think you’d be letting him get bored, but well… we all know Casey.”

Endlessly grateful, Kelly nodded, unable to resist turning back to his boy. Will squeezed his shoulder once again, before retreating to the door, “Any questions and just hit the call button, Kelly. I’m working in the ED today, but I’ll come as quickly as I can.”

Too focussed on Casey, Severide just nodded absently, brushing his fingers up and down Casey’s forearm. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, I hope that you enjoy :)


	17. I. LOVE. YOU

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy this chapter :) I hope that it's still going the way that everyone wants!

_YES. NO. PLEASE. I._

Kelly smiled to himself as he continued tapping around on the iPad, exploring the system. He’d already had it explained to him, of course, and he’d read the instructions… but he wanted to know every single intricacy before he tried explaining it to Casey.

Because the system wasn’t all that easy to use – specific groups of words had their own folder, with the most common words having their own button. That was all on the main page, which was customisable. Once you selected a word, it would read it out, before adding it to a sentence. The sentence was then displayed at the top, and once you were ready, you could press a button to read it out. It was simple enough, but you really didn’t appreciate how many words you actually spoke until you saw it all laid out like this, and Severide just hoped that his boy wouldn’t become overwhelmed. Though, he was going to make sure that Matt knew there was no pressure to make full sentences… he didn’t mind if his boy bossed him around with one-word commands. He loved him regardless.

Taking that note from himself, he started setting up the home screen with words he thought Casey was likely to want to say. With a note of sadness, he added the word ‘pain’, and a few body parts he knew were likely to be hurting him. He also added a few feelings Casey was likely to experience, hoping to make it as easy as possible for his boy. He didn’t want Casey to be getting frustrated.

He was almost finished when Casey shifted beside him, and straight away, he set the device aside. One hand went to Casey’s shoulder as he cooed, grinning as Casey’s eyes opened, “Hi, baby. Love you.”

It was clear that Casey was still groggy, but the blonde immeaditely blinked back, good hand flexing by his side. Gently, Kelly took it, rubbing his thumb across the back, “How are you going, baby? Okay?”

Blinking again, Casey’s eyes started to search the room, flicking towards the door. Kelly tried his best, he really did, but he felt terrible that he wasn’t sure what Matt was asking. He did his best to swallow his guilt, though, instead asking, “Hey, sorry, baby… didn’t quite get that. But the nurses mentioned that they could get you sitting up today, if you feel up to it… do you? I’ll page them if you say yes.”

He didn’t miss the brief flash of irritation that crossed Casey’s face – no doubt from needing so much help, and his struggle to be understood – and Kelly felt his heart sink. He really did wish that this was easier on Matt. But before he could say anything, Casey blinked, expression telling Severide all he needed to know. His blonde still loved him; this anger wasn’t reserved for him.

He pressed the call button, shifting so he was better in Casey’s view. And whether Casey was annoyed at him or not, he still felt the need to apologise, “I know it’s not what you want, and I’m sorry. And I’m sorry that I’m not very good at guessing games… but once you’re sitting up, OT sent down a communication device. I’ve been playing with it all morning, setting a few things up. Hopefully it makes it a little easier… do you want to have a go at that?”

Casey had been staring at him throughout his speech, and while Kelly didn’t think he looked _pleased_ at the solution… he was accepting. Severide didn’t get another chance to apologise, though, because they were interrupted as a nurse entered the room.

She smiled at them both, coming to stand over Casey’s bed before she introduced herself, tone suitably cheery. She made eye contact with Casey – not Severide – and spoke mainly to him, only checking in with Severide every few sentences. The technique seemed to work, because Severide was soon able to let out a breath of relief as Casey relaxed. Nurse Claire was clearly experienced.

“If it’s alright, Matt, I’m going to take your hand. Then, I’m going to start moving you. If you feel pain, or are even uncomfortable, squeeze my hand and I’ll stop. I’ll also be watching your expression… does that sound manageable?”

Casey blinked once, reluctantly letting go of Severide’s hand. He was nervous as hell, and the heart rate monitor betrayed him. But Claire just nodded, giving him an apologetic and calming smile, “Everything looks good, Matt, and I don’t suspect it will hurt. This is more of a precaution. Even if you’re slightly uncomfortable, go ahead and squeeze… it shouldn’t take too long.”

Matt blinked again, trying his best to mask the fear in his eyes. Hoping to comfort him, Severide stood by his side, gently touching his shoulder, “It’ll be alright, Matty… promise.”

The bed started moving, and both Claire and Severide watched Casey’s face carefully. It was clear that he was anxious, even if he was doing his best to cover it. So, Kelly started whispering soothing phrases, gently rubbing at the tense muscles, “Hey, it’s okay, baby… it’s okay. S’alright…”

Before too long, Casey was upright, no signs of pain evident. His heart rate had sped up, but Claire quickly explained that it was likely anxiety mixed with some orthostatic tachycardia. At Severide’s confusion, she elaborated, “Orthostatic tachycardia is caused when someone moves to an upright position, the heart beats faster to counteract a drop in blood pressure… that’s normal, everyone does it, but we consider it orthostatic tachycardia when it’s pronounced – which it is right now. But it’s nothing to worry about – it’s expected for someone in Matt’s condition. It should clear up as he continues to heal.”

Severide nodded, thanking Claire before turning his attention back to Matt. He could see that he was starting to get weary, and he didn’t want to push him too hard, “Alright, Matty… do you want to relax now? Maybe I can turn the TV on?”

 _Blink. Blink._ Then, Casey was looking across to the iPad, “Alright, you want to have a go at this? We can do that, baby.”

He stood, taking the device and moving to Casey’s good side. Without wasting any time, he set it beside him, smiling as Casey’s eyes followed, “Okay… there’s no code, and this one’s the app… uh –”

But he didn’t need to start explaining, because Casey was already moving his hand across. His exhaustion was evident, and his movements were more than a little sluggish as he tapped at the screen, but he was successful, hitting the first square, _I._

Kelly grinned, hand going to the back of Casey’s neck in adoration, “Ah, should have known you were too smart for this, Matty… you’re a genius…”

_LOVE._

And despite the fact that he already knew that, despite the fact it was all Casey had been trying to say since he’d woke up – Kelly couldn’t stop the wave of emotion that washed over him. He brought a shaking hand to his face, biting back his sob.

_YOU._

He wiped his eyes, nodding his head forwards, “God, Matty… I – I love you too, baby. I hope you always know that… though, I’m willing to remind you every day… whenever you need it, and even when you don’t… just always. Always, Matty, always.”

Matt stared at him for a minute, honesty and joy reflected in his eyes. Kelly simply stared back, beyond relieved that he could see emotion in his baby’s eyes. He could also see the tiredness, though, and was about to sort Matt out when the blonde returned his attention to the iPad. _YOU._

Kelly just waited patiently, resisting the urge to help Matt as he struggled to move his shaking hand, struggling with the hand eye coordination he needed to tap the right box. _LOOK._

Kelly chuckled, thinking that he knew where this was going. But he didn’t intervene, knowing that his boy wanted some independence. _LIKE._

Then, Casey paused, eyes flicking back and across the device. He tapped into a few folders, eyes searching for the word he wanted, before growling. Begrudgingly, he tapped back into another folder, before stabbing at a button. _POOH._

That was enough for Severide, and the man burst into laughter, shoulders shaking, “I look like pooh?”

Casey rolled his eyes and glared at him, but the mirth was also evident. The corners of his mouth were once again curled up, and Kelly felt his heart melt, “Okay… maybe I do look… like pooh. But, so do you, Matty, so let’s not judge, hey?”

Smirking, Casey glanced back down to the device, clearly planning on communicating further. But the sentence bar was getting full, and Kelly could see that Casey hadn’t made the connection about it yet, “Hang on, baby… just want to show you this first. Each word you press goes up here… see? Then you press this button, and it reads out the whole sentence…”

_LOVE. YOU. YOU. LOOK. LIKE. POOH._

Unable to help himself, Kelly burst into laughter again, resting his elbows on the bed. He could see Matt smiling as well – or, rather, doing the best he could to smile – and that just set him off harder. He cradled his head in his hands, face turning bright red as he continued to laugh. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see Casey reach his hand down, before he was pressing the play button on repeat. _I. LOVE. YOU. YOU. LOOK. LIKE. POOH. I. LOVE. YOU. YOU. LOOK. LIKE. POOH. I. LOVE. YOU. YOU. LOOK. LIKE. POOH._

Kelly did his best to bring his laughter under control, aware that a large part of his euphoria was to do with Casey being awake. He loved everything Casey did, of course, and he knew that his boy had a very subtle sense of humour, but this – even if it had been an accident – was invaluable, “Ah… God, Matty. You’re priceless… love that.”

Matt smiled in response, hand clumsily going back to the iPad. _I. TRY._

Placing a gentle kiss to the side of his head, Severide nodded, “And you succeed. Now get some rest, baby… you said I look like shit. But so do you… you need some rest. Don’t worry, though… it’s alright. I don’t mind watching you sleep, Matty… you need to recover. That’s the most important thing. Okay?”

But Matt frowned, not wanting Kelly to get out of this so easily. He hadn’t been lying when he’d tried to say that Kelly looked like shit… because the man did. His eyes were red, surrounded with bags, and he was pale. He’d known Severide long enough to see him suffer from bouts of insomnia, and he knew that anxiety was one of his main triggers. Right now, he could tell that Severide wasn’t okay, and while it didn’t surprise him, he also needed to do his best to help. _OKAY. I. WILL. SLEEP. IF. YOU. DO._

Apprehensive, Kelly shook his head, not wanting Casey to be awake without him, “I’ll stay up for a bit, Matty… don’t want to be asleep when you’re awake. But how about this… I promise I’ll take it easy, and I’ll sleep properly tonight. Okay?”

But Casey just narrowed his eyes, hoping that he could convey that he wasn’t letting it go. _NO._

Letting out a scoff of laughter, Kelly’s eyebrows shot up, “No?”

_PUT. HEAD. DOWN. ON. BED._

Marveling at his boy’s persistence, especially given his injured state – and frankly, being relieved that he could still be this persistent – Severide rolled his eyes. He was still tempted to argue, but he could tell that Casey wasn’t going to concede. The only way to get him to rest would be to agree, “Okay… alright, Matty. I’ll put my head down. If you wake up and I’ve fallen asleep, though, I want you to… dunno, push my head until I wake up. Because I want to spend as much time with you while you’re awake as possible. Okay? Deal?”

His eyes narrowed again, hoping that Kelly was telling the truth, before hitting a button. _YES._

Still chuckling, Kelly leant down and kissed Casey’s forehead, taking the device away, “Alright. Okay… I love you, baby. Have a nap, then we’ll talk again, okay? You’re the best thing in my life, baby… I love you.”


	18. Boden

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy this chapter :)

Casey ended up sleeping for over eight hours, which didn’t bother Severide at all. The squad Lieutenant knew that his boy needed his rest, so after a short nap himself, he sat back down by the bedside, brushing his blonde hair back and adoring him. He still couldn’t believe that Casey had woken up, and that everything seemed to be going well. He was still terrified of jinxing it, some irrational part of his brain telling him that Casey would deteriorate rapidly if he got to calm, but he knew that it wasn’t logical. Instead, he tried to put all of that energy into listening what the doctors had to stay and focussing on all of Casey’s therapies and treatments.

Because the blonde still had daily sessions of physical therapy, the small amounts of movement when he was conscious not being enough to keep his muscles from atrophying. The routine was short and fairly repetitive, and Kelly couldn’t stop himself from assisting, not wanting to feel useless. And for the most part, the therapist, Elena, didn’t seem to mind. She was as kind as she was thorough and would gently and gracefully coach Severide through the sessions.

“If you can straighten out his leg a little bit more… yeah, like that. That works the muscles in his thighs… perfect. Just be careful about bending them too far back, that’ll work his abdominals – which we want – but you also need to be careful given his injuries… much better. This is another one I’m happy with you going through when I’m not around… excess movement isn’t going to hurt him and will help his recovery later.”

Severide nodded, lips twisting into a grin at the words ‘recovery later’. He smiled at his boy, proud of how far he’d already come, “Okay… I’ll try to do that. I did have a question… when he wakes up, he’s really weak… I mean, I guess I know that’s to be expected. But when he’s trying to use the communication device… well, he’s really slow, and you can tell it takes a lot of effort. And he kinda struggles to tap the buttons… he’s not tapped the wrong one yet, but I think he struggles with the coordination. I don’t know what to think about that… I don’t know if something can help.”

Elena nodded, allowing Kelly to finish his nervous ramble before responding, “I’m not at all surprised about that, Kelly. He’s just woken up, he’s on a high amount of painkillers. His coordination will be poor, and on top of that, he’s probably exhausted. We’ll definitely start getting him to participate in physical therapy, but he’s still only awake for short periods. I don’t want to be forcing him to spend those times doing physio… he doesn’t need to right now, and he’ll have other more important goals to focus on.”

Nodding, Kelly moved to Casey’s good side, watching as Elena gently took Casey’s broken arm. This was one of the areas that Kelly wasn’t allowed to touch, the bones in Casey’s hand now being extremely delicate. It was likely to cause him pain, and so they left it until the end of his sessions, and there wasn’t much leeway before any movements could become painful. Severide, of course, was happy to oblige, only wanting what was best for his boy.

Gently, Elena started to stretch each of Matt’s fingers out, one at a time. She counted under her breath, curling them as she went. Kelly watched intently, only slightly unsettled about the amount of bruising on his blonde’s fingers.

It looked like Elena was finishing up when Casey shifted, shoulder pressing into Severide’s hand. Not wasting a second, Kelly glanced down at his boy, forcing a smile even as worry creased his brow, “Hey, hey, baby… take it easy.”

Matt didn’t seem particularly awake, eyes sluggish and unfocussed as they slid around. But pain was still marring his features, lines cracking across his brow as he shifted again. Softly, Kelly tried smoothing them out, leaning over Matt as quickly and carefully as he could, “Matt, baby. It’s okay… I’ve got you, yeah? It’s good…”

Elena had already stopped Matt’s session, hands sitting in her lap as she waited for the pain to abate. She knew that there was little she could do, and that Matt would likely be asleep again before anyone could arrive to administer painkillers. She’d also being expecting this. Matt was still relatively inconsistent with responding to external stimuli when he was asleep, but this would be painful. Unfortunately, there weren’t many ways to minimise it, but once Matt was awake he would be able to manage the pain by himself.

“That’s it, Matty… close your eyes. You’re doing really well, baby. Shhh…”

Casey’s eyes were already closed, and after a few minutes, it was apparent he was asleep. Elena gave Kelly a smile as she stood up, checking over Matt’s position, “That went well, Kelly. Him waking up from the pain is manageable… either we can make sure he’s awake, so he can self-manage the pain, or we can give him a dose of painkiller so it doesn’t wake him up. We’ll see how he’s going tomorrow, and make a judgement from there.”

It made sense, and sounded like a good plan, so Kelly nodded. Elena offered him a reassuring smile as she wrote some notes, already knowing what Kelly would be asking next, “That’s his session finished for today… I’ll be back tomorrow morning. Did you have any questions for me? I’m more than happy to answer them.”

“Um… yeah, what should I say to him when he wakes up? If he asks? He likes to know everything, and he’s really smart… he’ll probably be curious and worried and want to know.” Severide asked, suddenly anxious that he’d give Casey the wrong information. He’d talked to so many doctors by this stage that it was hard to keep all the information straight, and the second a single word in a sentence differed he’d get confused. In his opinion, Casey had always been the smarter one in the relationship, always the one who was able to understand information. Casey had never agreed with that logic, though, of course thinking that Severide was just as smart.

“Okay, well, his muscles are weak, which is what he’s most likely to notice. It’s likely a combination of the drugs we have him on as well as his injuries – his body will be telling him in no uncertain terms to take it easy. His stamina will also have started to go down, so he shouldn’t worry too much if he tires easily. That just needs to be built back up. I don’t see any reason he’ll not be able to move around once he’s a little more awake… save from his left arm, which will need to be immobile for a couple more weeks. We will do some light physio to help with muscle tone, though… and we’ll start working on some hand-eye coordination exercises, though that really is likely to do with the painkillers.”

Nodding, Kelly cast an eye over his boy, making the mental notes. He knew that Casey would be curious, and he was relieved that the news sounded reassuring. He was sure that Casey wouldn’t be pleased that he was injured, and he knew his boy well enough to know that he’d be pushing himself the moment he was able to.

“Thanks… uh, that makes sense. Thank you.”

“He’s scheduled in for a feed as soon as I leave… that should also help with his strength.” Elena informed, unable to stop a smile creeping across her face. She could see how deeply Severide cared for his boyfriend, and she knew that was always endlessly helpful in the healing process, “Keep doing what you’re doing, Kelly. You’re going well… Matt’s lucky to have you.”

Kelly thanked her as she left, before straightening out Matt’s IVs and blankets. Then, he drew the chair closer, and once again settled in to maintain his vigil.

* * *

Before Severide knew what was happening, night had once again set over Med, another day passing since the incident. Casey had only woken for a short period when his feed had started, and though he’d answered a few questions, he’d soon fallen asleep. Kelly knew not to be disappointed, though, already impressed by how fast his boy had been recovering. He’d have loved a miraculous recovery, of course, but it had never been on the cards.

He was already focussed on the door when Boden entered, the battalion Chief giving him a smile. He knew that his squad Lieutenant was faring better, and it was definitely a relief. It had been terrifying to see Severide so hopelessly lost, let alone to how close they’d been to losing Casey completely.

At Severide’s nod, Boden quickly pushed those thoughts to the back of his mind, stepping into the room. Briefly his eyes went to Casey’s prone form, before going back to Severide, “How are you going, Kelly?”

Severide nodded, eyes clouding as he looked up to his Chief. But he was smiling, and he couldn’t stop himself from gushing, “He had a good day, Chief… started using the communication device. And he worked it out himself. Didn’t even need help… and then he was trying to look after me… he’s barely awake, and he was trying to get me to rest… fuck, Chief. I love him so much…”

Boden gave Kelly a warm smile, unbothered by his language. He was proud of him, and proud of Casey – very much in a way that only a father could be, “That’s our Casey –”

He was cut off when Matt twitched, and Kelly lost interest in the conversation entirely. Immeaditely, his entire focus was on his boy, leaning over him and grinning, “Hey, baby… heya. How are you going? Love you.”

Heart warming at the interaction, Boden stood back, waiting as Casey blinked awake. Kelly was as perfect as he’d imagined him to be, softly stroking tufts of Casey’s hair back and cooing down at him. Casey, for the most part, didn’t seem too disorientated, eyes immeaditely finding Severide’s.

“You’re okay, baby… and good morning. Or really, it’s night now, but that doesn’t matter… good waking up, I guess. Because I love you, baby, no matter what…”

Casey blinked back, before flexing his hand by his side. He pointed on finger, and Kelly nodded, seemingly understanding, “Okay, I’ll just grab the iPad, Matty. I put it on the charger… just a tick.”

He let go of Casey’s hand, still smiling before moving towards Boden. The battalion Chief was surprised for a moment, before realising that the iPad had been plugged in behind him.

Casey had followed Severide’s movements, and as his eyes found Boden, they lit up. His lips twitched around the tube, curling into a weak smile. Boden immeaditely returned it ten-fold, a huge grin splitting across his face, eyes crinkling at the edges. He could see the underlying tiredness in Casey’s eyes, but that didn’t stop him from stepping forwards, “Hi, Casey.”

Matt motioned back with his hand, flapping it and hitting his fingers together. Kelly chuckled, moving back around Boden as he rushed back to his side, “Alright, alright, baby. I’m coming, just a tick…”

Another few seconds passed before Kelly had the communication device positioned under Matt’s hand, the blonde’s eyes flicking back towards it. He wasted no time in unlocking it, opening the app.

_HI._

Boden grinned, and so did Kelly. But Matt was already frowning, hand shifting around as he searched for another word. His frown deepened, and it only took another moment for Kelly to catch on, “Ah… sorry, you’re right, Matty… I should add names. You’re saying hi to Boden?”

Casey squeezed his hand, eyes lighting up as he glanced back up. Kelly couldn’t stop himself from beaming, glancing back across to Boden.

The battalion Chief was also smiling, stepping closer to Casey and lightly gripping his shoulder, “Hello, Captain. Good to see you awake. How are you feeling?”

The blonde maintained eye contact for a moment longer, before going back to the device. _GOOD._

Smiling, Boden nodded, “Good. That’s good.”

A bright smile flashed through Casey’s eyes, deleting the sentence before tapping at the buttons again.

YOU. LOOKING. AFTER.

Then, he pointed, to Severide, before glancing back across to Boden.

A wave of emotion crashed over the two men, Kelly having to step back and clap a hand over his mouth. Boden barely managed to control the wave, but he nodded firmly, squeezing Casey’s shoulder tightly, “Yes. We’re looking after Kelly, Matt. I promise.”

It was Matt’s turn to tear up, a sharp intake of breath triggering the vent. The emotion was clear across his face, and Boden had to once again blink back emotion of his own as he cleared his throat, “Hey, it’s okay, Matt. We’re gonna take good care of him. And you, too. The whole house has got your backs.”

Casey nodded his head marginally again, lips twitching again as he shifted his gaze back to the communication device. Kelly quickly propped it back up, trying to make it easier for his boy. _THANK. YOU._

Boden just nodded, soothingly rubbing Casey’s shoulder, “Of course, Matt. It was never a question… we’ve always got your back.”

Honour flashed through Casey’s eyes, eyes filling with tears. He knew that he had a family, now, of course. But that didn’t make him any less grateful. He just hoped that he was as caring towards his brothers, and that they liked having him there.

_HOW. IS. EVERYONE._

The question had been so predictably Matt that Boden couldn’t stop another big grin crossing his face, relieved that his truck Captain was still in there. At Kelly’s nod, he sat down beside Casey, watching as Kelly settled at his other side, “They’re all good, Casey. Missing you, of course. But going well.”

Casey blinked, grateful as Kelly raised the iPad again. The blonde was still slow, movements slightly uncoordinated and fatigue evident, but Boden and Severide remained patient, allowing him the time he needed to use the communication device.

After half an hour, Matt was barely keeping his eyes open, and Kelly silently took the iPad away. Boden gave them privacy as Kelly leant down and kissed him, rubbing a soothing hand across his forehead until he was asleep. Then, they left for the night, Kelly with a smile on his face, the joy and love bubbling through his body, radiating down his arms and legs and putting a pep to his step.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, feedback is appreciated! I hope you enjoyed the chapter :)


	19. Breathing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So sorry that this update has taken so long! Have been flat out and not really feeling up to writing. It's extra long to make up for it :)

Casey was already sitting upright when Kelly next entered the room, bright blue eyes wide and alert. Severide couldn’t stop his heart fluttering with excitement, face splitting into a grin as he moved closer, “Hey, baby. Morning… hope you haven’t been awake for too long.”

Matt gingerly shrugged one shoulder, before tapping at the communication device. _NOT. LONG. NO. WORRY._

Kelly grinned, appreciating that his boy was trying to reassure him, “Good. I love spending time with you, baby… though you don’t need to feel pressure to stay awake. You need to rest and heal, Matty. That’s the best thing you can do right now.

Matt was still trying to smile past the tube, own chest warming at his boy’s care. He appreciated it, because while he knew that Kelly loved him, he always appreciated the extra reassurance.

_THANK. YOU. HOW. ARE. YOU._

“I’m fine, baby… slept really well. Penny cuddled up to me, and then I had a full breakfast. So really well. How about you?” Severide quizzed, last minute remembering to ask only one question a time as to not overwhelm his boy.

_FINE. GOOD. THIS. MORNING._

Kelly nodded, assessing Casey’s expression, “Okay. No pain?”

Matt hesitated for a moment, before blinking hard. His hand went to the iPad, blinking again as he tapped, _NO._

Kelly rose a single brow, knowing the intense blink well. He mostly saw it at the firehouse, when Casey was trying to hide how he really felt, and very occasionally at home when Matt was trying not to worry him. Which really didn’t happen too often – Casey was mostly honest with him, but he still occasionally felt the need to not be a burden. So, Kelly just chuckled as he rolled his eyes, “I love you, but you’re a shit liar, baby. What hurts? I can help.”

Embarrassment flashed across Casey’s face, and Kelly fondly rolled his eyes again, “If anything hurts you should tell me, Matty. It’s okay… I know you’re used to looking after yourself, and you might not think it’s bad enough to tell me… but I don’t mind subbing in. So, what hurts? I’ll see what I can do.”

It still looked like Matt was considering fobbing him off, but he knew that he really couldn’t. He was still limited in what he could say, and once Kelly figured something out, he rarely let it go. It was something that he loved about his boy, because it made him feel worthwhile.

_LIPS. THROAT._

That complaint _did_ surprise Kelly, but only because he’d been expecting something else – literally, anything else – to be the most painful. But then again, other areas of Matt’s body were getting attention, and there were a lot of nerve endings around his lips. And they probably _were_ sore – Casey couldn’t dampen them, and they’d been stuck around the tube for ages.

He hated himself, just a little, for not thinking of it earlier.

“Ah… sorry, baby. I should’ve thought of that… hm, I’ll think about what to do for your throat, but could some lip balm help with your lips? Would that be soothing?”

Matt’s reply came instantly, relief flashing through his eyes. _YES._

“Okay… I’ll see if they can bring us some, otherwise I’ll drop down to the giftshop. Hm… for your throat… um… have to think on that. Maybe you can have some ice chips… I’ll ask about it. Anything else? I can help.” Kelly asked, already hitting the call button.

Again, Matt paused, before going back to the iPad. _ARM._

That one he’d expected, and Kelly nodded, “Broken one right? Yeah… I can see that it’s not propped up quite right… and they’ll probably give you some ice. We’ll get that sorted too, don’t worry.”

Gratitude washed over Casey’s features, both because Kelly was working so hard for him, and because he’d not said anything. Kelly was taking his pain seriously, which was more than could be said for most of his previous relationships. Memories of having appendicitis in his youth flickered at the back of his mind, neither of his parents having taken him seriously until it had burst. He had the scar to prove it – long after the physical ones had healed.

Kelly noticed his distress, coming closer and running his fingers across his cheek bone, “Hey, baby. S’okay. I’m looking after you… and I know it’s not that easy for you to stop worrying, but let me do that for you, yeah? I promise I’ll do well. Let me be your voice.”

Casey blinked again – more to get rid of the tears than confirm that he’d heard him – and moved his hand towards Kelly’s. Severide was quick to grab it, squeezing fondly, “I love you so much, baby. Gonna be by your side every moment… do everything I can for you.”

Lips twisting into another painful smile, Casey squeezed back, rubbing his thumb across the back of Kelly’s hand. Severide smiled back, staring into his eyes, beyond grateful to still have Casey in his life.

The moment was ruined when the door slid open, nurse Claire giving them a smile as she stepped through the door. Again, she turned her focus to Casey, standing beside his bed, “Good morning, Matt. It’s good to see you awake – how are you feeling?”

Slowly, Casey blinked, dropping his gaze back to the device as Kelly lifted it. _GOOD. THANK._

Claire gave a genuine smile, nodding, “That’s excellent, Matt… I have paged Doctor Halstead, he’ll be wanting to talk to you. But in the meantime, how is your pain? Can I get you anything?”

Kelly glanced down to Casey, expecting his blonde to respond. But the blonde just raised his hand, pointing to Kelly and indicating that he wanted him to answer.

“He’s said he’s not in too much pain, but there were a couple of things this morning… his arm is giving him grief – maybe we can have some ice? Also, his lips are really sore… I wasn’t sure if you had anything for that, or if I should go to the gift shop. I’m guessing that lip balm is the best, it would be soothing.”

Claire was already nodding, glancing between Matt and Kelly, “We definitely have something for that… you’re right, lip balm will be the best. We have more moisturising stuff than the gift shop has, I’ll bring some of that. I’ll also bring some ice, and we’ll prop that arm up better… is there anything else?”

Kelly was already nodding, rubbing the back of Casey’s hand, “Yeah, uh… his throat. Which I’m guessing is from the tube… are there any options there? Maybe ice chips? I wasn’t too sure.”

Again, Claire nodded, a slight smirk covering her face, “Yeah, we’ll start with ice chips. If that goes well – which it should – we can also try some frozen honey… which is very soothing. How does that sound, Matt?”

Matt blinked firmly, before reaching for the communication device. _YES._

“I’ll get too it, then. Doctor Halstead shouldn’t be too long, either… if you do need anything, just hit the call button, though,” Claire nodded, starting to turn away. Kelly just nodded in response, attention going back to Matt.

Who was scowling. Kelly felt his heart skip a beat, mind racing with the possibilities of what was going wrong. He let out a slight squeak, gaining Claire’s attention. The nurse turned back around, watching the scene with a practiced eye. Matt was still scowling at Kelly… in a way which was almost disapproving. His hand moved to the communication device, and Kelly held his breath as he tapped at it.

_Thank._

Eyes widening with realisation, a wide smile covered Kelly’s face. Then, he burst into laughter, dropping his face to the bedsheets as he heaved in a breath. Matt correcting his manners had always been a constant in their relationship, even back when they’d been at the academy. Matt had always been decidedly polite, and Kelly had always been rough around the edges. They complimented each other, though… that had been clear, even back then.

“I’m sorry… I’m sorry, you’re totally right, Matty… there’s no cost to being polite, and it could make someone else’s day, hmmm?” He asked, using Casey’s key phrase before glancing up to Claire, “Thank you, Claire. We appreciate it.”

She was already smiling, waving a hand, “It’s really not a problem. I’ll be back in a few minutes, Matt and Kelly – Will should also be in soon.”

Kelly thanked her – again – before turning back to Matt. He couldn’t stop a bright smile covering his face, knowing that his Matt was right there, “That all sounded hopeful, Matty… sounds like it’s gonna be okay, hey?”

Matt blinked up at him – lips once again curling into a smile – but didn’t get a chance to respond properly. His eyes flicked across to the doorway as Halstead entered, the doctor giving him a wide smile, “Hey, Casey. Severide. How are you both doing?”

Kelly grinned, glancing down at Casey and smiling as the blonde tapped at the iPad. _OKAY. GOOD._

Halstead smiled, moving towards Casey and checking his monitors, “Great, Casey. You’re looking more awake this morning as well… I want to do a couple of checks with you, if you feel up to it. It shouldn’t be anything too arduous, and we can always call it quits. Sound okay?”

Casey blinked, twitching his hand in confirmation. Will smiled, squatting beside his bed so he was at a comfortable level, “Okay, I’m sorry, but I gotta do the light again, Matt… you were sluggish last time, which is to be expected, but I need to keep an eye on it… ah, yeah, that’s it. Looking better already Matt – and really, it’s not worth worrying about. We’re being extra cautious.”

Brow creasing, Casey started to flick his fingers together, tapping them together to get Will’s attention. Halstead nodded, pausing to allow Casey time to tap out a message, “Take your time, Matt. No pressure here.”

_HEAD. HURT._

Will’s brow furrowed, and he nodded, “I’m not surprised that your head hurts, Matt. We can get you painkillers. Though, can you rate it?”

The blonde frowned, slapping his fingers again. His head did hurt, but it wasn’t what he’d been tryingot say. He started to go back to the communication device, hoping they’d understand that he’d been misunderstood.

But Severide already knew what he was talking about, and rubbed a soothing hand up and down his shoulder, “I think he’s asking how bad the head injury is, right, Matty?”

Gratitude flashed through Casey’s eyes, appreciating that Kelly seemed to know when he wanted the help and wanted to be independent. He squeezed his hand firmly, before glancing back to Halstead.

“Ah, that’s a valid question, Matt. A neurologist is going to come and see you later, and she’ll have a much more definitive answer. But I can run you through my thinking and observations, if you’re interested in that?”

The look in Casey’s eyes was enough to give him his answer, and Will continued, “Firstly, there was swelling, but no bleed. I know you have a history of head trauma… that hasn’t posed an issue. The swelling was fairly moderate, though, which is what we’ve been keeping an eye on.”

Halstead took a breath, hoping to be as reassuring as possible, “Your cognitive function – that is, problem solving, decision making – don’t seem to be affected, you picked up the communication device quickly. I doubt your concentration has been affected either, though at this point you’re on a lot of meds, so we don’t exactly have a clear picture there. We’ve not detected any abnormal activity either – which would include seizure activity – but I’m sure you’ll be run on a much longer EEG to be sure.”

There was a _but_ coming, and both Casey and Severide heard it, “The reason you’re not breathing well may be due to the swelling. I don’t want to worry you about that prematurely – because we’re not even at the point we’re looking at impeded brain function – but that is the biggest alarm bell for us at the moment. Again, I don’t want you to worry about it yet, because we’ve already been seeing significant improvement, but it is something we’re gonna look at. Of course, the neurologist will do more detailed checks, to be sure.”

Casey blinked, and Severide could see the fear in his eyes. Feat that he knew was reflected in his own, but now wasn’t the time to show it, “Okay… well, seems like it’s not worth worrying too much about that yet, hey? Put our energy where it’s useful.”

He knew that it was a stab in the dark, and that it wouldn’t reassure Casey as much as he wanted. He then watched as Casey’s face shifted into disbelief, and the blonde weakly motioned to the vent, before tapping the communication device. _TRY. PLEASE._

Will paused, considering his options. It was unlikely that Matt would be able to breathe without the support, but then again, he knew how bull-headed the Captain could be. Either the blonde would amaze him, or he wouldn’t rest until he’d had a try, “Okay, Matt. You have been triggering the vent, though not as much as we’d usually like before turning it off. But we can try. I’ll have it off for about a minute, and we’ll see how it goes. It’ll be safe, and we can turn it back on as soon as is needed.” He stated, directing that last part at Severide. Kelly was quick to nod, knowing that it was to calm his nerves more than Matt’s.

There was then a flurry of activity as Will started moving about, sending off a few pages and moving towards him, “Alright, Matt… the extra staff is just here for security. This might feel unpleasant, but I really don’t see any risk. We’re just gonna sit you up… that’s it…”

Kelly remained by his side until they were ready, soothingly rubbing his hand across Casey’s shoulder. He kept talking, entirely aware that he was trying to reassure himself as much as Casey, “It’s gonna be alright, baby… even if you can’t quite manage it. I love that you’re trying, by the way, baby… but there’s really no pressure. It’ll be fine… because you are improving. Gosh… you’re so beautiful and strong, Matty. And it’s gonna be okay…”

Eventually, they were ready, and Halstead moved to stand beside the ventilator, Matt’s eyes following his movement. He tapped in a code, before turning back to Matt, “Okay, Matt. First, we’re gonna turn it onto assisted control… what that means, is you control when you breathe, but the vent still supports you. When you trigger it, it will push air into your lungs to help you get a complete breath… it’s a strange sensation, you might feel as though you’re taking air in too quickly. But it’s completely controlled, and how much you’ve been breathing until now… okay?”

Casey blinked once; anxiety evident across his features. But there was also a familiar spark of determination, which Kelly was glad to see.

“Okay, making that switch now…” Will muttered as he tapped a couple of buttons, and within a few seconds, the repetitive sounds of the vent died down. There was a long moment of silence, and the tension was palpable. Casey’s eyes widened, before they flicked forwards.

Then, the vent sounded as Casey took a breath, pumping the pre-determined volume of air into his lungs. Casey flinched slightly at the feel, but then let his breath out.

He took another breath, this time expecting the unpleasant sensation, and the tension started leaving his body. It still felt awkward, and he wouldn’t wish the situation onto his worst enemy, but he was determined, and he was succeeding.

Matt took his third breath, and only then did Severide realise that he’d been holding his own. Letting out a quick huff of air, Kelly turned back to Halstead, watching as the young doctor kept one eye on the monitor, and one closely on Casey.

“How is he going? Uh… is it okay?”

Halstead remained patient as he nodded, not looking away from Casey, “His sats are holding, Kelly… which is great. Want to watch him like this for about a minute…”

Getting the hint, Kelly stepped back, turning his own gaze back to his boy. Matt seemed to be doing better, breathing pattern becoming more and more regular, and as Kelly watched he turned his head, blue eyes searching Halstead’s face.

“You’re doing great, Matt… your sats are holding. We can go ahead and turn the vent off entirely, if you want to try that?”

Immeaditely, Casey’s eyes lit up, not needing to blink to convey his approval. Will just chuckled, one gloved hand going to the ventilator, “Okay, breathing in isn’t going to be supported now… I’ll switch the vent back to the setting you’re on right now if you need. And we’re off…”

Casey could feel the difference immeaditely, breathing in now seeming much more difficult. He felt as though he was breathing through treacle, and his eyes widened in panic.

He tried taking another breath, but he felt as though nothing was coming in. A belt was tight around his lungs, and he could feel his heart racing as he tried again.

“Matt… calm down, it’s okay…”

But Halstead’s voice didn’t make it through the din, and Casey felt tears pricking at his eyes. He was hopeless against the breathlessness, and he wasn’t even able to communicate his distress. Panic started taking over, and utter terror washed through his body.

Then, suddenly, his lungs filled with air, and Casey greedily drunk in the oxygen. He wasn’t aware of Halstead moving around him, not saying anything as he returned the vent to its original settings. The rhythmic breathing kicked back in, and Casey became aware of Severide’s hand around his. Slowly, his vision came back into focus, and Matt blinked away tears, gaze flicking over to Severide’s concerned face.

As soon as he saw him, Kelly grinned, banishing his frown. He placed a warm, callused hand on the side of his head, soothingly rubbing his thumb across his cheek, “Hey, Matty. You’re okay, now… take it easy. Your sats are already coming back up, and you’re doing great… you should be feeling better already, baby… nothing bad happened.”

Now it was time for Casey’s brow to furrow, not understanding what Severide was talking about. But Kelly already seemed to know what he needed, and he offered him a smile, “Your sats did drop, but it’s okay, they’re back up now, it was all safe. You’re okay… and if you want to talk to Halstead now, that’s okay… or we can do it later, baby, that’s fine too. Do you want to do it now?”

Casey was quick to reply, blinking once, grateful that Kelly was now asking him yes and no questions. Severide smiled, smoothing his hair back before glancing over to Will, who had been patiently standing in the corner, “That actually went better than you think, Casey. I know you were hoping for more, but it wasn’t realistic. You did really well.”

Matt couldn’t help but look skeptical, and Halstead offered him a smile, “Really, Casey. You were regularly triggering the vent. You needed assistance to take a sufficient breath, and I know that’s scary, but medically… taking the breath in the first place is the difficult thing, so it’s a good sign. Your neurologist will be able to go into more detail, but… you’re recovering, you’re stronger than when you came in. We’re still going to have to wean you off the vent slowly, but frankly… I’m impressed with your progress already. Everyone’s right with what they say about you… you’re one strong guy.”

Casey blinked tiredly, his exhaustion now catching up to him. It was fair to say that he wasn’t happy with the result, but he wasn’t able to do anything about it. And he was slipping, mind losing focus as Kelly’s thumb continued to rub his cheek, “It’s alright, baby… you can rest now. I have this under control, yeah? You can trust me with your health.”

Exhausted, Casey blinked, flexing his hand by his side. Severide was quick to grab it, giving it a firm squeeze before planting a gentle kiss to his forehead, “I love you, baby… rest now, if you want.”

Slowly, Casey felt his eyes slipping closed, reassured by the sounds of Kelly’s soft breathing beside him. Pretty soon, Severide must have thought he was asleep, because the man shifted, before a cool sensation rubbed across his lips. It stung, briefly, but then felt soothing.

The blonde forced open a weary eye, unsurprised to see Kelly right next to him. The squad man smiled, blue eyes shining with his love, “Sorry, Matty… thought you were asleep. Hopefully that’s soothing, and it starts to feel a lot better… when you wake up, if you need anything else, I’ll be right here, okay?”

After giving an exhausted blink – during which Casey’s eyes stuck themselves shut – Matt felt himself drifting off, only aware of Kelly’s warm hand around his.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, I hoped that you enjoyed :)


	20. Thank you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I feel terrible that this has taken me so long to update... doing Whumptober last year definitely threw me off! I hope that you enjoy this chapter regardless :)

Casey’s brow furrowed at the whirring sound to his left, the short, sharp sound drawing him from his sleep. His head felt heavy as he battled unconsciousness, making a sound in his throat as he shifted. He was already acutely aware of Severide’s hand on his, and he squeezed it tiredly, already feeling himself slip back into unconsciousness.

_“He’s not quite awake…”_

_“That’s okay, Kelly. He doesn’t need to be awake –I just said that wouldn’t be surprised if the sound wakes him.”_

_“Okay… hey, shhh… s’okay, Matty, hun. Rest your eyes…”_

But Kelly’s words had only roused him further, and the sound was bothering him now. He was curious. And he didn’t like not knowing things, so he let out another groan as he forced his eyes open.

His world was slightly blurry, but then that seemed to be normal, especially when he was just waking up. Things still seemed disproportionately bright, and he allowed himself a minute as his eyes adjusted.

“Heya, Matty… I’m right here, it’s just past midday…”

He blinked slowly, Kelly’s face finally coming into focus. The man was looking at him with as much love as he ever had, bright white teeth highlighting his smile, “You’re okay, Matty. You’re perfectly fine...”

Casey blinked tiredly again, before furrowing his brow, doing his best to force a questioning look on his face and hoping that he could convey his confusion. He felt too tired to use the iPad, and his hand was warm and comfortable in Kelly’s grasp.

Luckily, Kelly already seemed to know exactly what was bothering his boy, “The noise, Matty? That’s the feeding pump… gives you your meals, baby. It shouldn’t be causing you any pain, and it should give you more energy…”

He trailed off, nervous as he waited for Matt’s reaction. The blonde’s brow remained furrowed for a moment longer, before his hand twitched, and he slowly tried to raise it. The movement was slow and uncoordinated – though, no more than usual when he wasn’t quite awake, which allowed Severide a relieved breath – so the squad Lieutenant quickly assisted him, helping straighten Matt’s hand as he tried to see what he wanted, “Easy, Matt… you’re okay, yeah? What do you want?”

Casey’s hand wavered for a moment longer, before it was dropping towards his face. Grip tightening slightly on Casey’s hand, Kelly made sure that he didn’t punch himself in the face, settling it back to his side, “Oh… hey, you’ve got a feeding tube, baby… think that’s what you’re feeling.”

But Matt shifted his hand again, fighting weakly against Kelly’s grip. Severide paused only for a moment, before taking a breath and nodding, “Okay, yeah, here baby…”

He lifted Casey’s hand, adjusting his grip so Casey’s fingers were poking outwards. Slowly, he directed his hand so they were facing Casey’s face, and he pressed them slowly against the tube, helping Casey run his fingers along it, “It’s just this, baby… it just goes into your nose.”

Matt’s brow furrowed a fraction, before he tried raising his hand further, lacking the strength to do it himself and relying on Kelly’s assistance. Severide, of course, was more than happy too, allowing Casey to guide their combined grip around as he inspected his face, “Here… okay, yeah, there’s a bruise there, just across your cheekbone… think it probably feels worse than it looks, Matty… it’s actually quite faint. Not that that matters anyway, Matty… you’re still beautiful. Oh… okay, here, you want to feel your head? That’s just one of the electrodes… you have a few stuck to your head… that’s it, Matty… it’s okay…”

He kept rambling as he assisted Matt, allowing the blonde to feel around his head and face until Claire returned to the room. The nurse gave him a smile as she indicated to the object in her hands, holding a mirror up.

Turning back to his blonde, Severide offered a comforting smile, stroking the back of his hand, “Hey, Matty. We can show you your reflection, if you’re interested in that?”

Casey actually considered that for a moment, the uncertainty clear on his face. Severide could hardly blame him for being worried; he was well aware of how confronting it could be to wake up and see your face covered in bruises – and that wasn’t to mention the number of wires and tubes surrounding him. It didn’t make the blonde vain; not at all. It just made him human, and so Severide would support whichever decision he made. 

After what seemed like ages, Casey gave a single blink, motioning an affirming gesture. Severide in turn nodded to Claire, settling beside Casey and giving his hand a reassuring squeeze. He couldn’t stop speaking as he took the mirror, wanting to do everything possible to comfort his boy, “Alright, Matty. You do have some bruises, and there’s a cut above your eye… but it’s all gonna heal. And I promise, you’re still the most handsome man I’ve ever met. No, really… bruises or not, you’re beautiful. Scars don’t make you ugly, baby. Nothing ever could…”

He kept up his mantra as he aimed the mirror at Casey’s face, allowing the blonde to see himself for the first time since he’d been injured. He continued his mantra as Casey’s assessed himself, eyes flicking from imperfection to imperfection. He continued as Casey processed his injuries, before the blonde’s eyes clouded with tears.

“Oh… hey, no, Matty. Really… it’s not so bad, yeah? It’s all going to heal, and even if it doesn’t… it doesn’t look that bad… shit, Matt…”

He took the mirror away, unsure of what to do with his hands in order to comfort Matt. But Casey brushed his hand against him, pointing towards where they kept the communication device.

“Oh… oh, alright, Matty, just a tick…”

But he didn’t have to get up, because Claire was already holding the device out. Severide took it with a grateful nod, positioning it carefully below Matt’s hand.

_NOT. SAD. NOT. BAD._

Severide grinned, running a comforting hand up and down Matt’s arm, “Yeah, Matty. It really isn’t… it really isn’t.”

Casey squeezed his hand again, briefly stroking his thumb over his palm. Then, he went back to the iPad, busily tapping out another message, _LOOK. AGAIN._

Kelly grinned, once again raising the mirror, “Of course. Do you want me to explain everything to you? Give you an update? Of course, I have everything handled… but I know that you don’t like not knowing things.”

Almost immeaditely, Casey replied, expression practically begging Severide to respond. Kelly had to bite back a chuckle, stroking a fond hand through Casey’s hair, “Alright. They’re really impressed with your progress, Matty… really impressed. While you were sleeping Doctor Rhodes came past… he said that you’re healing well. He’s impressed with the stitches – they need to stay in for a few more days, but he’s already thinking about taking them out.”

Part of him still couldn’t believe that he was saying this, that the doctors were already talking about the next steps to Casey’s recovery. He’d been so sure that he’d lost him, yet here Matt was, fighting valiantly towards recovery.

Fighting off the wave of emotion his thoughts had invited, Kelly brought his attention back to his blonde, smirking and rubbing his hand, “And he listened to your heart baby…he said it sounded good. He’s gonna do an echocardiogram when you’re awake, but he didn’t want to disturb you… sleeps still really important, baby. But he’s not too worried at all. Which is the best thing ever, Matty.”

Slowly, Casey blinked in a way that he hoped was thoughtful, aware that he wasn’t yet capable of nodding. Of course, Kelly understood immeaditely, squeezing his shoulder, “I know. And I have to tell you how proud I am of you, Matty… I’m well aware that your progress is because you’re such a fighter. I don’t take that lightly, at all. I’m so proud. So, so proud… and I love you. I’ll tell you a thousand times, Matty. I love you.”

It took a moment for Matt to build up the strength to respond, wanting to do more than simply squeeze his boyfriend’s hand. He wanted to kiss him, more than anything, but he couldn’t think of a way to make that work. He considered for another moment, before tiredly raising his hand, touching his fingers to his lips. Then, he gathered his energy, clumsily raising his hand in an effort to press his fingers to Kelly’s cheek.

He missed, but Kelly didn’t care, knowing exactly what the blonde had been intending to do. Softly, he caught the blonde’s hand, pressing his fingers to his check as he’d intended.

* * *

Now that Casey was a little more awake, the one thing that Kelly hated doing was leaving for the night. He knew that he didn’t have a choice, of course, but he still hated to think that Casey would wake up without him there, alone in the ICU. He knew that Casey was being looked after, and he knew that he didn’t have anything to worry about – even if the blonde _did_ wake up it was likely that he’d fall right back to sleep without the external stimulation – but he still couldn’t help but feel like he was doing the wrong thing, hurting his boy despite his very best intentions.

So, he always took his time when leaving, comforting Matt, telling him that he’d be back in the morning and hoping that he’d remember his words if he did wake up. He hoped that they’d let him start staying overnight – he’d sleep on the floor if he had too. 

“I’ll see you in the morning, and I’ll give Penny a hug from you. Gonna get her some of those treats that she loves tomorrow… she went mad for them last time, as I’m sure you remember, Matty… anyway, I can’t wait to see you again, tomorrow. Oh, and I think I’ll be thinking about that kiss you gave me all night… it was wonderful, Matt. Absolutely wonderful.”

He placed one last kiss to Matt’s forehead, knowing that he had to pull himself away before he got attached again. His legs were still shaky when he stood, though, having to fight against his instincts to go straight back to Matt.

“How is he, Kelly?”

In all of his preoccupation, Kelly hadn’t even realised that Boden was standing at the door, the battalion Chief respectfully giving him the space he needed to say good night to his boy. A smile swept over Kelly’s face – a full, genuine one – and Severide started moving towards the door, nodding to his chief, “He’s doing so well today… he tried breathing without the vent, and he almost managed… and he was up twice, really alert and having full conversations… and Rhodes listened to his heart, said it was sounding good… ah, I’m so proud of him, Chief… sorry… I know it’s not the biggest deal… but… I didn’t know if I’d get him back… I didn’t know if I’d be able to have another conversation with him.”

Boden grunted in sympathy, watching Casey for a moment longer before placing a gentle hand on Severide’s shoulder carefully guiding him out of the room, “It is amazing progress, Kelly, I know. I’m proud of him… and I’m proud of you, Kelly.”

Severide’s eyebrows shot up, surprised as he turned towards his battalion chief, disbelief written across his features, “You’re proud of _me_? I’ve done nothing, Chief. It’s all on Casey.”

“No, Kelly. I’m sure that Casey’s already tried his best to tell you, and I’m sure that he’ll tell you again – your presence, how you’ve been there for Casey… it’s made more of a difference than you know. You’ve helped him come back to us, and you’ve given him the energy to fight. I’m proud of you, Kelly. I’m proud of how you’ve handled yourself.”

This time, Kelly outright scoffed, no longer able to hide his self-deprecation, “Handled myself? Chief, I haven’t even been able to look after myself since the accident. Needed one of you to take off shift to baby sit me… it’s embarrassing.”

But the battalion chief just shook his head, halting them in the hall and resting a hand on Kelly’s shoulder, “No, Kelly. That was all fair… the amount of pressure you’ve been under… I’d say that I could imagine, but I really can’t. I’ve never been in a position similar to yours, Kelly, even if I’ve seen it. And either way; it doesn’t matter. How you coped with the situation is valid; your suffering was real. You prove yourself every day out in the field, you have nothing to prove now.”

Kelly drew a shaking breath, overwhelmed with emotion as he tried to form a response, “Uh… yeah… thanks, Chief. Uh… and I know I haven’t said it yet, but thanks. Thanks for being there for Matt and I… uh, I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to tell you how grateful I am, but –”

Cutting Severide’s anxious rambling off, Boden pulled him in for a hug, holding the man tight against his chest, “Kelly, you’ve got nothing to thank me for. It was never a question; you and Casey are far more important than not having a floater in the house. And we’re still here, Kelly. We always will be.”


End file.
